to think DP can be horrible sometimes and should care more?

[Yukana]

First time posting here, so be nice please.

I'm quite angry, simply put, and this is a slight rant. It's happened on various occasions, but DP just doesn't seem to care about other people much, if at all. I know me and him are different in the sense that I care for anyone - it doesn't matter who they are or if I even know them personally, I care about other people, I like to see others safe and happy.
Today I mentioned various things that have happened in the news that I find awful, including the case of Brenda from Uganda who if deported back to her country - will more than likely be sentenced to death because she is homosexual. (From what I know). I was horrified, and mentioned that I was signing the letter/petition. To this and the other things I had mentioned, he just says 'Oh well', 'I don't care' or shrugs. I'm probably being silly... but it makes me so angry that he just doesn't care at all!

Unless it has something to do with me, the military (he used to be in the army), or a couple of his friends, he just doesn't give a s*. He doesn't care about his family, doesn't care about anything happening in the world, doesn't care about other's suffering. After I mentioned the Brenda Namigadde case to DP and got his awful reply, he proceeded to talk to me about the video game he was playing at the time whilst I was fuming a bit inside from his harsh words.

I'm also worried that as we have our first child on the way, that they may not care about others much due to DP's attitude towards other people. Again, it might just be me being silly... but I don't know what to think right now.

AIBU to be upset/worry about his lack of care for others?

We have a system. I look after the world and care about everyone, DH looks after me and DD and cares about me and DD. I think he has the more difficult job If you DP is a good P and father, I would let him off the rest of the world. My Dad couldn't care less about the rest of the world and I have work in social services/homelessness all my life. Your LO will be fine.

Sorry about the horrible spelling

No you're not BU. I think though that the Army makes people very hard and conversely having children softens people (usually women as they have the most contact) up a lot.

I can't watch the news anymore as it makes me cry and I can't bear to watch violence on TV/film. I used to be a very hard bitch.

You seem to be judging him on your own standards. You're two different people...if you want to sign letters and petitions etc, that's your thing, it doesn't have to be his though.

It sounds like he's been this way for a while. And personally I would also have a problem with constant indifference, so no, YANBU to be concerned about it.

You haven't really said how he is when it comes to you being P and having a LO on the way. I think this is what I would be most concerned about right now if I were you, not how your DC may be influenced by his behaviour.

But people have different ways of coping with things. Not everyone wants to discuss tragic news stories...they often block them out because it depresses the hell of out them.

Like the NSPCC ads on tv...I always mute the sound or turn over because they really upset me.

The flag for me was the OP saying that he "doesn't care about his family."

Fair enough re: turning a blind eye to the news when it's too depressing - we all do that I'm sure. But it does sound a bit crap to be dismissive and then be enthusiastic about his video game.

Thank you for the replies.
I agree with Victoria in the sense I think the army does harden people and disciplines them heavily, which might be part of the reason why he struggles to care about people.

nomoreheels He's been this way ever since I've known him, actually he used to be homeless and I fell in love with him after me and his friend helped him come out of the homeless hostel he was in.
With the pregnancy, for the first couple of months he was very negative about it. He didn't even want to think or talk about it. Now he's warmed up considerably, but still doesn't talk about anything to do with the child/baby unless I bring it up.

mutznutz You do have a point, perhaps I am slightly judging him from my own personal point of view/personality. I do not mean to do this, and I think it's just because all my life I've cared about people, to the point where I'm said to be 'too nice'. He's not the type however to get depressed over issues that others have, whether it be family, local or in the news. He feels depressed over financial situations due to being homeless before, but either does not seem to care about others, or struggles with it.

He sounds like he's been through a lot...what with the Army and being homeless. Some people keep things inside all their lives...never truly discussing past bad experiences openly. Maybe, he can't openly care too much because it'll open a can of worms for him emotionally?

I don't know him obviously, I'm just trying to put a new perspective on it.

I haven't thought about that, in all honesty. It could be part of the reason. A hell of a lot has happened in his life and I know he's emotionally and physically damaged in many ways, I guess I find his coldness difficult to understand.
It doesn't help when he gets mail telling him one of his friends has died in the army, which he's had two or three in the past year.

It's true he doesn't like to talk about his feelings or past, and I don't bring it up unless he talks about it first. My mother mentioned to me that he had spoken to her, and said that he has become more talkative since he met me.

Perhaps he has changed but I haven't been able to notice it?

to be honest i couldnt care less about a lot of the things the rest of the world seems up in arms about

doesnt mean to say i dont care about other things though, that others may find trivial

horses for courses innit

I do think the army thing may be relevant. My job also dictates that I distance myself from things that don't directly affect me and I can be the same to a certain extent. ALTHOUGH now I am pregnant I am starting to see things a bit more "normal".

I agree with those who have said he appears to have got his priorities right in that clearly cares for you ....