Birthday Presents (or not)

[feelingsorryformyself]

Tomorrow is my birthday and DH asked me a few days ago what I wanted. The only thing I can think of is a new black bag, but when I said it he muttered something about me having loads of bags (I have).

So we had a very brief chat about it and I said that it was maybe better for me to shop for myself as that was better than him buying something just for the sake of it.

So I am getting absolutely nothing apparently - not even a box of chocs or bubble bath from the DDs (who are too young to take themselves shopping).

AIBU and a bit childish or is he just using what I said as an excuse to make absolutely no effort?

BTW we are very happily married, except for the occasional row about housework. I work almost full time and I also I work really hard to make our home lovely and to look after everyone. I kind of think a nice gift is a sign of his appreciation for all that I do. To cop out because I couldn't tell him exactly what to buy me makes me feel a bit hurt TBH.

do the whole 'so I'm not getting ....anything muggy voice

if that doesnt work the patio awaits

My birthday is just before Christmas and we go shopping together without the kids, have a nice meal out and choose something that I like and that fits me together.

This was instigated after he took my son then aged 3 to Jigsaw knowing that I loved the stuff in there - told him to choose something and he chose something without even looking at the pricetag. It was a lovely suede skirt that I wore on Christmas Day then we went sales shopping and I saw it reduced from £300 to £150!!!! After that he was not allowed to go shopping for me, I get most of my clothes heavily reduced in the sales and am very frugal so it breaks my heart at the waste of money every time I look at the skirt!

I hope you have a lovely birthday whatever happens :)

I'm impressed by how many people go shopping together. Maybe that approach - or a photo of the exact thing I want is the way to go.

Busy - I'd have been heart broken about the skirt too, but you should enjoy wearing it and instead of thinking thinking of it as the reduced skirt think of it as the million dollar skirt which you deserve to wear because you're worth it!

I'm tring to resist being moany, but I'm really crap at disguising how I feel!

I think you are beeing very unreasonable.

He asks you what you wanted. You reply a new black bag. He says you already have loads, so you reply - ill buy my own present.

Now men hate mind games so if you wanted him to buy it you should of told him.

Also I bought my wife WII Fit after she gave birth. She loves it, very entertaining (try the hula hoops) and also she can moniter how much weight she looses.

Happy Birthday. Relax and enjoy. Tell him if there's no present by Saturday lunch time - you'll hit the shops with his credit card - to save him the hassle!

Good ploy wyorksmum!
MrSpoc - hear what you are saying re mind games. You'd think by my age and after 20+ yrs together I would know better, but on the other hand he's had the same number of years enough years to get to know that when I make sweeping statements like "I'll buy my own present" it means "I will be very angry if I have to buy my own present"
PS, I am sure you meant it nicely, but if someone had given me wii fit after I gave birth they had better make sure they ducked as I'd have chucked it at their head....each to their own tho, I am glad your wife enjoys it!

I got the xbox kinect for Christmas from. Dh. Along with a fitness training game. I didn't see it as a loose weight fatso hint. though it could have been ;) Just bloody good fun and a thoughtful pressie. Fun and good for you. And don't assume. That cos something was bought last minute that is was a last minute choice he could have had his eye on it for months. Enjoy your Wii and don't over think it!

Thanks all!
they are all upstairs being very secretive at the moment! The DDs are very excited!
Watch this space tomorrow! Hopefully I won't be starting another thread "AIBU to want to sell my new bag on E-Bay"....
Miaowwww...
X

Happy Birthday tomorrow. I don't really see what you're upset about tbh. You said a bag, he said you've got loads, you said you'll get your own present! My DH does not shop and neither would I want him around the shops with me. That's how it's been for the last 20 years and hopefully will be for the next 20. When he has bought me a present, he has done it of his own volition - except for our 10th anniversary when he said "go and get yourself a nice eternity ring - I went into Richard Ogden and they said Eternity rings are too difficult to alter and the lady has to be present - so I went and there was a 2,500 budget .

On another note I once asked for an Enny bag, if you remember what they are. He bought me an Any bag - it was disgusting - covered in bits of gold, ie, any old bag. Rather put him off buying anything except from Richard Ogden where he got to know the man from when we got married .

Thanks onceamai,
I was upset by how quickly he seemed to say "ok get your own present", as I thought that was a bit off.
It was probably as much a case of poor communication as anything else and we have cleared the air tonight. I explained that I was not playing games and I felt he was being thoughtless, he said "when would i ever let you buy your own birthday presents".
I hope I haven't come across as some spoilt materialistic moo, cos I am not. The issue wasn't about what the present was, more about the thought that went into it.

Glad it's all OK now. Men !

Mumcentreplus - should have done the photo thing.
Black bag. Wrong one. I went "ohhhh". He was expecting "wow".
He's off to work hurt (even though I said I love it, he doesn't believe me) I am on the verge of tears. What a bloody mess.

What?! What kind of ooooh? Did you register disappointment when he'd gone out and chosen you something?

I'm sorry, but it does seem as if he's damned if he does and he's damned if he doesn't. You want him to choose something- He does but then you say it's the wrong thing. There is nothing more he could have done!

I am very childish about birthdays and Christmas, and get a bit upset if I get nothing. BUt anything, even if it's something I don't really like, is a token of my DHs appreciation for me. That's the important bit.

Also, I can't believe you turned your nose up at the wii fit...

Happy birthday, btw :)

Thanks Gandalf.
I didn't mean to register disappointment, but I guess he knows me too well. Anyway we just spoke and I have assured him I love it and it was just a surprise, but a lovely one. I've transferred everything out of my old bag into this one and will carry it with pride. There is no question of taking back or exchanging. I'm a bit of a hormone hostage at the mo and sad as missing my dad like mad, his b'day would have been tomorrow.

Oh, I'm sorry. :( That must really colour how you feel about your birthday.

Aw happy birthday, sorry it's all turned into a pickle.

I recommend specifying the precise thing you want = I do because I am a picky bugger, it certainly doesn't make me feel like the other person isn't trying or anything, if I am mildly disappointed that they aren't a mind reader this is is off-set by having the very thing I wanted as opposed to something that will be put at the back of the cupboard.

I have bought DH a wealth of things over the years and I suspect he only really really likes a couple of them, there seem to be a LOT of them at the back of the cupboard too, so I am ruefully aware that it isn't like I am this amazing present buyer myself. Accordingly I have started asking him to be specific too, or at least with big ticket items.