to want everyone to 'suffer' as I did!

[undercovamutha]

It drives me mad(mean of me I know) when I hear that acquaintances of mine (old friends on fb mostly) still manage to carry on their social life/nights out with a newborn.

How do they manage it? I just don't understand it!

Last week, one old friend with a two week old had a night out with her H for their anniversary. This week one friend had a big night out for another friends birthday, and she has a 3 week old!

I KNOW IABU, but it just makes me green with envy! How do they do it? My social life is still quite restricted (and DC2 is nearly 2).

I can count the nights out I've had with DH on one hand, since DC1 was born 4.5 years ago. And for at least the first few months of both dcs lives, I pretty much fed them constantly in the evening so the idea of a night out was a total no-go.

So I'll probably get flamed, and IABU, but anyone else feel the same?

Well they do it because they can. They trust the person they leave their baby with for a few hours.

Some mums feel they cant leave their baby, and some do.

They're probably doing far less than it seems. They are posting about the nights out because they are so rare.

Perhaps the next time these people post, it'll be next Christmas.

Our social/going out together life was far better when we just had one new baby.

Babies are at their most portable when they're newborn, and they sleep a lot.

YANBU. I don't feel jealous of them as I would much rather be in with my small baby then being out drinking, but FB makes me realise how important drinking is in so many people's lives.

Sometimes your children just have to come first. I wasted a 24 euro show ticket last night because I couldn't get a babysitter and ds was ill.

Guess it depends on how badly you want to go out? If you want it to be so you'd make it happen somehow?

I real homebird so have never missed nights on the town.

YABU. If you hadn't chosen to breastfeed or be with your children 24/7 you could have gone out. But you decided to do what you thought was best, which meant you couldn't go out.

Why don't you go out now, if your youngest is nearly 2. Don't you have any family/friends who could babysit?

I do understand how you feel but YABU.

DS is 20mo and DH and I have been out 3 times together. In the early months, he was having such regular feeds it was pretty impossible. That was my choice though and tbh, I didn't see it as "suffering", just a change in lifestyle brought about by the fact we had our much longed for baby.

Yes, there will always be others that seem to be able to have it all, so to speak, but I've learnt over the last few years to be confident with my parenting choices and how I live my life, rather than always thinking the grass is greener.

YABU - it was your choice to do things your way.

FWIW we went to a gig when dd1 was 4 weeks old. I'd booked the tickets months before, naively thinking that life would carry on just the same after giving birth....

As it turned out, I expressed milk and left it with the babysitter and we had a fab night out. I'm not an out every night type person, and going out drinking doesn't float my boat, but continuing to have a social life and life as a couple with DH does.

Some mothers don't feel able to be apart from their baby for months or even years.... each to their own, but don't complain about the downsides of whatever choice you made

I realise I am contrary!!! It was my choice to bf and I guess maybe a bit of a martyr!

However, we have no family nearby to babysit, so DH and I never get a night out toegeher. I think now DC2 is getting to an age where I would be happy to leave him with a friend to babysit without worrying about them having to spend hours getting him to sleep, which I don't think is fair on the friend.

Most of my friends also have young DCs and we go out every few weeks and leave Hs to look after DCs.

I didn't want to go out when I had a newborn.

The first time I did, dc was only about 4 weeks but it was my birthday and I thought I should try. I managed a very quick meal and was back as soon as I could and didn't enjoy it.

I think the next time, dc was about 4 months old but I still wasn't ready and ended up knocking back a couple of glasses of wine really quickly to try and relax myself and got completely drunk. Then, in my drunken/half hungover state I had to get up in the night to express off the milk as my breasts were almost exploding.

It was not fun.

Violet - did you use a private babysitter or a family member when your DC was 4wo?

Yup, YABU.

I'm sometimes horribly jealous of friends and acquaintances how have family or friends who are willing and able to take their DC overnight all the bloody time for an hour or two when they need it. The thing is, I knew that wouldn't be the case for us and we still wanted DS so we had them.

Do the children go to nursery? I know people who've hired nursery workers as babysitters.

i never had or have any desire to leave a baby, especially a wee one.

if others are happy to do so, then let them and don't give it a second thought.

Hetty - you are very right. We knew we wouldn't have help, and had the DCs anyway! And tbh its not as hard to manage just the two of us, as we thought it would be.

However, I have to have my little jealous moments anyway........

I first left DS overnight with my mum when he was 5 or 7 weeks old, I can't remember which, so that DH and me could go for a night out. Then when he was 4 mo DH and I went on our honeymoon to spain for 4 nights and DS stayed with my mum. We are just lucky to have family nearby willing to babysit. Most of the time though we have people round here when DS is in bed or we go to my mum's as she has lots of parties and just put DS to bed and carry baby monitor around.

I didn't really want to go out until ds was 8 weeks old. By that point he was going to bed at 7 and sleeping for a good few hours before needing a feed so we had friends babysit.

Undercovermutha -I used a friend who was already a mum and used to babies. We had no family nearby.

Once the children were a little older, we used friends or older teens (if you get to know some reliable and responsible older teens locally, it's a great resource, as they need the money, and babysitting is great experience for them too)

you wait, when the lil ones are older then the tales will come out of how hard it was. For some reason loads of people fib. Plus if you are without family to help if does make as huge difference.

You just need to get out more OP, it's never too late to start!
I can't really re,ate to your envy at friends' nights out, but then I've always guarded what I see as my total right to a social life so havent had cause fir envy.
If I hadn't been out more than a few times in 4.5 years I'd be feeling very hard done by I'm sure.
So, IMO yanbu :o

One idea is to swap babysitting favours with local friends.
Another thing you should do is take turns with your dh.

Do you go out without your DP? I try to get out with friends at least once a month, and out with DP once a month.