My friends just don't seem to understand?

[ladyloulou101]

Hi,

I know I am probably being unreasonable in my opinion but I can't help feeling a little upset with my friends behaviour.

I have a 3yr old daughter already and am expecting our second in June. None of my close friends have children and all still enjoy a very active social life. Since having my daughter I havent really enjoyed going out drinking like we used to when I was younger but as this is all my friends seem to do I suppose from their point of view it looks like i'm not making much of an effort to socialise with them. I love spending time with them but late nights drinking and hangovers are not fun anymore (obviously I wouldn't be drinking atm anyway as i'm pregnant).

A few weeks ago one of my oldest friends told me she thought I needed to get out more and to 'get a life'. My OH is self employed and works long hard hours to enable me to be a stay at home mum, my friend commented that he was selfish as I seemed more like a single mother and had lost all my identity.

Has anyone else been through this with any of their friends?

It's not uncommon. If your lifestyle suddenly takes a radically different turn to your friends then you're going to grow apart unless everyone compromises. Going out drinking and having small children doesn't mesh particularly well unless you have very understanding overnight babysitters. But your friends do have a valid point that three years is a long time to live in self-imposed purdah.... My friends and I compromised by having more 'nights out' at each others' houses rather than going boozing so much.

Yes. I've been told that if I'm going to have anymore DCs I should do it as soon as possible so that I can get my life back sooner.
I guess they don't realise I like this family life malarky.

I was the first out of all of my friends to have children- and I found that I lost touch with a whole group of them, as it turned out our friendships were based purely on going out.
Some friends remained and didn't seem to be in denial about the fact that I had children-I just saw them in the days rather than at nights.
Some 'friends' made comments and seemed to think I was itching to go out and get pissed eveynight and they thought they should feel sorry for me - but I was quite delighted to have the excuse nOT to go out and get drunk.
I have a new group of friends now with kids, and we regulary meet at each others houses and have dinner/take-aways.Which suits me just fine!

just wait til they have kids - thier opinions will all change i'm sure. have you made many baby friends?

I have made an effort in the past to rejoin their lifestyle but I just don't enjoy it anymore. I still make a point of going out with them for all their birthdays etc, whereas my birthday got overlooked. I have even arranged nights in at my house but they never come.

I guess we have grown apart, shame really as we've been friends for 25yrs+. I agree with you PaisleyLeaf, they don't seem to grasp that family life is much more fun than constant hangovers :)

no skybluepearl, i find it really hard to make new friends as im extremely shy. i have a few mums at nursery i say hello to but thats about it.