for being so devastated about losing this friendship?

[superv1xen]

i posted in relationships a few days ago re the actual falling out, so i won't go into all the ins and outs. but basically my best friend has fallen out with me, she won't speak to me, i have tried to text her, call, send facebook messages to try and sort things out but she won't respond :(

and i am heartbroken. i have barely stopped crying for about three days now.

i feel pathetic, i feel like its juvenile how i am feeling, that i shouldnt be letting it affect me so much. but it is. it feels as bad (in a different way) to when i have had relationships end (ie with men)

she isn't my only friend but i don't have that many to be honest, and she was the one i saw the most, and the one i could fully be myself with. my DS is also best friends with her DD and he keeps asking when he is going to see her next and its breaking my heart.

i get married this saturday and i am so devastated over all this that i am not even excited about it. because i havent got my best friend to share it with.

tell me to get a grip, this can't be normal surely?

I really really feel for you. This is the effect abusive partners have on everyone concerned. I know that this has been said before but please try to focus on the good in your life. Concentrate on your own family and look forward to all that is good. Just be prepared to pick up the pieces because she will be back when it all goes wrong. She will know deep down you are right. Look after yourself today. Do something nice to cheer yourself up. From experience these feelings do pass. As said before you can take a horse to water etc etc. You seem like a good, kind, loyal friend please do not blame yourself for any of this

Hi Super - best of luck for your wedding this weekend & congrats. You've got lots of stresses good & bad all around you at the moment.

I know it can be really distressing when a friendship ends, esp because of a jerk like this man, but keep the faith that this isn't the end of the road for your friend & you. I've had a couple of really important friendships fail dramatically over the years, and after some time apart we've made up, moved on stronger than ever. Your friend is in a bad place right now but she has chosen this guy. Your friend will probably shake him off when she eventually comes to her senses. She must be really hurting without you too, but sometimes we have to let go and let people get there on their own. PLEASE DON'T LET MR IDIOTMAN DRAG YOU DOWN TOO!!!! PLEASE DON'T LET HIM RUIN YOUR BIG DAY!!!!

Big breath, cuppa tea, splash some cold water on that vixen face & give yourself a smile. (fake it if you have to). Perhaps seek out another friend who can make you feel good & do something nice together this week? Focus on the celebration ahead. Keep a mental baseball bat to smash any negative thoughts out of your mind, let go a little, give yourself permission for focus on the special time ahead for you & your family.

I think you have to dig deep here, and try and find the SuperVixen that you know is in there. She has not died, you can deal with the relationship with her another time, after the wedding, and you may well get her back at some future time point when he turns out to be the wanker that you know he is.

But, as others have said, all you are doing now is letting HIM spoil your big day. Perhaps you are a bit nervous too about the wedding and are focusing on him and her as the source of your distress.

Three/four days crying is enough on this man. She is a survivor and she will be fine in the end, so in the meantime, I would dry your tears, talk it out with another friend/partner, and then STOP it. There's no point your wedding being all about them and not about you and your husband.

I do know what you are speaking about, I had a very difficult situation on my own wedding day, and the person left half way through which was devastating. However, I just absolutely wouldn't let that person control our happiness at the event, and it still ranks as one of the best, if not the best, day of my life despite that problem, and you need to make sure yours is too.

I meant your friend has not died and you will get a chance to sort things out, just not before the wedding.

I read you original thread and it's really sad. I don't think you shouold have sent the grovelling text to him though. I know you want your friend back but if you don't stick by what you know to be true (that he's an arsehole) then you are almost encouraging it to continue.

Your friend must realise by not that he is cutting her off from people (aren't you the 3rd?) and that must put questions in her mind over who it is that is right.

He is probably messing with her mind all the time and she probably can't even think straight. Personally I think you should have told her what you thought of him sooner but obviously not in a really nasty way or anything, just being concerned. It may have come as a shock to suddenlt find out you feel like this after so long.

I think all you can do is forget about it for now and concentrate on your wedding. You need to give her time to get her head around all this.

I would stop trying to contact her for now (unless there is a way you can do it without him being inviolved AT ALL, although that sounds unlikely).

Once things have calmed down you could send her a message through your mutual friend saying that you will always be there for her.

I am coming at this as a complete stranger and I mean my advice in the kindest way (as you are obviously very down about this). I think, perhaps, it's time to give yourself a slap around the chops and pick yourself up for your DP and kids.

What's done is done. All of the truly important things in your life are good - I presume? Your health is good, your kids are happy and healthy and you are about to marry the man you love.

Seriously, it's time to let go. You are enroute to ruining what should be the most amazing day of your life. All for a woman who is too spineless to make decisions for herself.

I agree with PadmeHum.

I agree with Padmehum- you are getting married, to the person you are supposed to be able to turn to about anything. How does he feel that this fall out is more important than your wedding to him?

I think you have posted about said friend on here before, and at the risk of repeating myself, he treats her like dirt, treats her friends like slappers and is pretty awful to her DAUGHTER.
If she will not rouse up for her daughter then she wont do it for you or anyone else, and all you can do is wait either for him to move on, or for her to wake up, and catch her as she falls, until then DO NOT let her and him ruin special moments in your family, because they don't deserve that.

right. enouugh of this now. thanks for all the comments and advice.

this is what i have decided:

she knows i am there for her. and if she needs me, she will be back.

in 5 days i marry the man of my dreams. i have 2 gorgeous kids, a good life, a nice house and brilliant friends and family. i am now going to move on from all this and focus on the things that matter and the people who do care for me. from now on its onwards and upwards. i have decided, as of now that enough is enough, i am not going to waste any more time crying over this, or analysing the situation anymore.

:)

Happy Wedding Day for Saturday!

Did u ever make friends? I'm going through this with my best friend right now! It's horrible