To wish DD's Dad helped more?

[Meikyo]

Soon to be ex H and I split two and a half years ago. I work full time and have done since DD was 6 months old. Ex does not work (was on ESA/Incapacity) but has recently been moved back onto Jobseekers. Ex H does not pay any child support. He lives a few mins walk away but only has DD one night a week and every second Saturday. I have to pay for after school care 4 days a week and evening nanny on top of that for two weeknights when I work late. Childcare costing me about £430 a month and getting unsustainable.
I also take DD to school 4 days out of 5. AIBU to expect ExH to do a bit more to help so that I could save on childcare costs? I realise that now he is on JSA he has to be available for work this might be more difficult.

YANBU- yes he may get offered a job he will be expected to take but while he isnt working why shouldn't he help? Is he paying maintenance?

Hi Gem, no he is paying nothing.

If he isnt contributing financially he needs to help more, no doubt about it.

have you asked him?

Of course he should be doing more. And he should be paying maintenance, even if it's the minimum.

Hi Clevercloggs - I did a couple of years ago and he said no. He said he wasn't going to help because I instigated the separation and I "would just have to deal with it as it was my choice to split"!

John Bovi - I did get £5 a week for a short while via CSA, but this was reduced to zero when ex H started to have DD one night a week.

YANBU to expect more help but really, is it worth the bother? Sounds like he's done the hat-trick of being a rubbish husband, rubbish father and bone-idle to boot and wanting him to change at this stage of the game seems like hopeless optimism. Take his money by all means but it's much easier to get on with your new life if you're not expecting anything else off a person like that... then they can't let you down.

I'm surprised he hasn't twigged on that if had DD more overnights than you, he'd get the child benefit and you'd be paying him maintenance.

Truckulente - yes, I'm waiting for his lawyer to bring that one up!!

Chil1234 - great advice...just don't know what to say to DD when she asks me why Daddy doesn't work - I don't want her to think that all men are like her Daddy!

Tell DD the truth about her father. No-one's perfect, after all, and it does children no harm to realise their parents are fallible human beings. Paint too rosy a picture of daddy and DD will wonder why you got shot of him... a strategy that can come back to bite you!