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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think he dam selfish!!

24 replies

mommmmyof2 · 29/01/2011 10:55

Cut a lond story short, I don't go out, harldy never.Tonight I was meant to be going out but I have had a horrible cold and with DH saying we really haven't got the money and he don't really like me going out with the people who are going out.

So I said I wouldn't go.Now he has a season ticket, he gets out the house alot more than me.Today he got asked to go to a game but his season ticket won't cover this game, but someone has a spare ticket.So he said he was going as it won't cost him anything.

Now I am angry because at the drop of a hat he can say he is going out and leave me in yet again with the kids, no money, no where to go with them.I am in nearly all week apart from 2 days where I go to work!

Why can't he see it is not the money that bothers it is the fact he will be out all day again.It has ended in a huge row now.

OP posts:

Tortington · 29/01/2011 10:56

so go out when he gets back?

hobnobsaremyfavourite · 29/01/2011 10:56

Stop being a mug then.

Original poster

mommmmyof2 · 29/01/2011 10:57

custardo he said that it is who I go with, he has been a right idiot over it.

OP posts:

FabbyChic · 29/01/2011 10:58

It is going to cost him nothing, you could have gone out on a fiver, a couple of pints of cider only cost a fiver.

It is not so much what you drink but who you go with.

I would tell him to get straight back after the game as you are going out, if he can go out then so can you.

compo · 29/01/2011 10:58

Why do you need to ask his permission to go out ?

FabbyChic · 29/01/2011 10:58

Sorry, I mean is it really going to cost him nothing? What about a drink? A burger.

Bloody cheeky git.

compo · 29/01/2011 10:59

Work more than 2 days so you have more of your own money to go out with

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 29/01/2011 10:59

Why are you letting him boss you around? Grow a fucking backbone woman.

Shakirasma · 29/01/2011 11:01

Cost him nohhing?? For an away game it will easily cost him near on £50, even though the ticket was free!

If you want to go out tonight then bloody well go out. You may be his OH but you are also an individual, an adult woman who is more than capable of choosing for herself who she wishes to socialize with.

You do not need his permission.

ginmakesitallok · 29/01/2011 11:04

Just go out?

Honeybee79 · 29/01/2011 11:04

You need to put your foot down. Arrange to go out with whoever you bloody want to go out with and, erm, just go. When he's in obviously.

Tortington · 29/01/2011 11:06

he can't dictate your choice of friends ffs - bollocks to him - whats he gonna do if you go? fuck that shit

MoaningMedalllist · 29/01/2011 11:07

Put your foot down,

brightlightsandpromise · 29/01/2011 11:09

what is it about these friends that he doesn't like? is it that they are not his type of people or are they drug dealing gangstas? That could be the crux of the matter. You are an adult, he doesn't get to choose your friends. You are poorly, he should be taking the children out and letting you get some rest, he is a twat.

Original poster

mommmmyof2 · 29/01/2011 11:13

The people I no are not very responsable, type to just leave me, get really drunk but I said I am an adult.

But it is not so much going out, I just get lonely.

Can't work more than 2 days as my ds is still only 3 only doing 2 days at playgroup.

I am not a mug because I do normally put my foot down but it was the fact I never minded stopping in with him tonight, infact I was looking forward to it.

Just shame he can't wait to get out the house!

OP posts:

brightlightsandpromise · 29/01/2011 11:16

well, i wouldnt be wanting to go out with those friends either, why would you?

I totally get the lonely thing, im seething today because dp is working yet another saturday, if he buggered off to football i would be incandescent.

Get some new friends, who respect and care about you, and if tell your DH if he doesn't buck up, you will be applying the same criteria to your search for your next husband.

Vallhala · 29/01/2011 11:16

He doesn't like the people you're due to go out with? And so you're not going?

What kind of a servant are you?

Unless I'm mistaken, you're not. I presume you're a grown woman, yes? So you get to choose who you go out with and not your husband.

And if you let him then frankly you're a fool, there's no point in allowing him to dictate to you and then moaning about it on here. Unless you're mixing with a bunch of junkies who are going to encourage you to go home to your children coked up to the eyeballs I don't see that he has any right to have a say in what you do.

get yourself into a long bath, get dressed up and when he comes through the door hand him the children and an idea of what they have already eaten, grab your coat and just go.

Original poster

mommmmyof2 · 29/01/2011 11:27

I normally do do that Vallhala but as I been feeling bit under the wether I couldn't be bothered either way anyway.

My problem was that he can go out while I am left in again.Just seems so selfish.

And thankyou brightlight you are right, and I do get lonely and just feel like not alot of people understand.All my family work more and have cars and money so are able to go out more.

OP posts:

MrsMooo · 29/01/2011 11:29

I'm going to buck the trend here and say YAB a bit U.

You chose not to go out tonight, after a discussion with DP, and because you don't have the money and don't feel well. He did not tell you you couldn't from your OP

He is, by the sounds of it rightly, cocerned about you going out with "friends" who will not act responsibly if/when you get drunk

Take the kids to the park if it's not horrible outside (I take DS out in the rain with wellies and waterproofs) and you don't want to be stuck indoors. Or the library, neither cost anything

It's understandable that you're lonely/annoyed at being left alone with the DC, but unless you asked him not go then why are you annoyed.

If it's a local match and his mates buy him a drink he could spend no money... Why don't you take DC and meet him for coffee afterwards?

Original poster

mommmmyof2 · 29/01/2011 11:40

At the beginning of the week I was going, but even though he had heard me talking about it, it wasn't until Thursday I mentioned it directly to him and he said about the money thing and that he really didn't want me going.

I woke up friday feeling worse and decided it was proberly best then not to go, but if I wanted to I would have made more of a point and proberly gone.As I said don't go out that often.

But I thought it would be nice to spend the day together as a family, he knew I wanted to do certain things.So when he said he was going the football it annoyed me as he obviously did not have the same idea as me.

I understand his concern but I am an adult, but that aside what hurts is that he can't possibly understand how lonely I feel.

You are right mrsmoo I could do things with my dc but why is it all down to me!

OP posts:

MrsMooo · 29/01/2011 11:47

Iin that case I think YA definately NBU to expect DP to take on equal resposiblity for organising stuff for the family to do a the weekend But that is a differnet issue

IMO the best thing to do is talk to your DP, say that you were annoyed that he went out alone and didn't want to spend the day with you/DC and ask him to be more considerate in future

I know that DH just doesn't think about these things as as I normally do the organising, assumes that I will always plan our w/ends, so it may just be that he's following the status quo

Maybe next weekend you can ask him to plan something to do with the DC while you go out/stay in and have some me time, or do something as a family to make up for your missing yourn night out?

clevercloggs · 29/01/2011 11:48

wont he be home by teatime to spend the evening with you anyway

brightlightsandpromise · 29/01/2011 12:14

clevercloggs, this really annoys me - why should she be grateful that her DH condescends to spend the evening with her after buggering off with his little boy mates to the football. The OP works part time and looks after the children all week - it can be pretty damned lonely and when the weekend comes, i personally look forward to spending time with my DP as a family. He is working today and DD and i are bored, we dont have much money this weekend and i don't drive. All DDs friends are with their families etc so we have to muddle through, but my DP is WORKING. Mummyof2's DH is off on a bender for hte whole day. Probably wont roll in til late and who is to say he wont decide to go to the pub afterwards with his mates.

Why do people bother being a family if they are not going to be together, this goes for men/women who at the weekend leave the other partner at home with their children while they go go off and indulge their hobby, be it golf, horsey stuff or football - its just beyond me.

ilovesooty · 29/01/2011 13:43

He's only going to be away for the daytime - if he's home for the evening I don't see what the problem is.

Perhaps the OP could develop an independent interest or hobby so that she can get out of the house, make some new friends and her husband can do some childcare on his own.

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