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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

If I set the landlord on the neighbour?

20 replies

Underachieving · 28/01/2011 23:03

This afternoon I found yet another alcoholic lying injured in the road near my house. There's a man a few doors down who's one a one-way ticket to fatal alcohol poisoning. My OH used to work with him years ago, before he had a problem. I do pity him and I know OH used to be his friend but I've had enough now.

That's the third 999 call I've had to make in 12 months for paralytic death-wisher. On top of that I've had to put up with the general annoyance of the alchie and his drinking buddies existing, staggering about drunk, staggering into my house wall at 2am as the road sways round them then swearing and upsetting the dog. Calling for OH and asking to come in (no way)...

Is it unreasonable to grass this bloke up to the landlord given that I know they're just waiting for the excuse to take his house away?

OP posts:

plupervert · 28/01/2011 23:58

If he is kicked out, is there a chance he could be put in rehab? Or even hospital, if he is poisoned at the time of the eviction?

sharon2609 · 28/01/2011 23:58

Def not unreasonable. Would also call the local council and see if there's anything they can do.

sb6699 · 29/01/2011 00:11

Wow, full of sympathy Sounds like the guy has had a really hard time and hasnt coped.

There but for the grace of god and all that.

Could you not just ask your DH to have a civilised word with him and ask him to try and come home quietly if its late and not to come to your door if he's been drinking.

I would probably be more sympathetic to your post if he was damaging your property or being aggressive but tbh it sounds as if he's doing more harm to himself than to you.

sharon2609 · 29/01/2011 00:19

Trust me it's impossible to communicate with an alcoholic.They cant help it...it's an illness. Sympathy to both parties really.

sb6699 · 29/01/2011 01:06

Surely its worth a try - far more reasonable than having him chucked out of his home for nothing more than "existing" was how the OP put it.

If he's lucky he'll end up in a homeless hostel, if he's not sober enough to deal with the authorities about his housing situation he'll end up on the streets.

manicbmc · 29/01/2011 01:16

I live next door to an alcoholic. How he managed to get a 3 bed council house is beyond me - but that's another thread entirely. Having said that - he is no bother other than being a lecherous old sod.

I do worry as he downs a litre of brandy a day ( he told me this ) and also goes to the club and he's a smoker.

But I'd rather live next door to one than live with one as I did for 15 years.

One year free!!! Yay me

earwicga · 29/01/2011 01:17

Yes, of course! I would definately make sure that an alcoholic was punished even more by making sure he is made homeless.

sharon2609 · 29/01/2011 01:27

Good point earwicga. He really needs help but it cant be forced on him. Unfortunately people with this problem get passed from one house to another until sadly they end up on the streets.Has he any family that you know of and could talk to?

AxisofEvil · 29/01/2011 01:36

Is this a private ll or social housing? Because if the latter I think it is pretty hard to evict.

TallyB · 29/01/2011 11:10

Of course it would be unreasonable! You can't have someone made homeless just because they annoy you by existing.

taintedpaint · 29/01/2011 11:18

Wow.

What a horrible post.

Of course YABU, and unfeeling, unsympathetic, and heartless.

What a lovely person you sound, wanting to make a seriously ill person homeless as a punishment.

Honeybee79 · 29/01/2011 11:52

YABU. How is making him homeless going to help him? Then he'll just be forced to sit on the street and drink. Have a bit of compassion.

JaneS · 29/01/2011 12:02

What could the landlord do? I've never seen a tenancy agreement that includes 'Tenants may not get pissed to the point of unconsciousness'.

It's a matter for your council, surely, if he's lying in the street?

Very sad for him and not nice for you, though.

Original poster

Underachieving · 30/01/2011 16:45

Well I've read what you've all been writing and I take the point that you feel I ought to show a bit more sympathy. I understand it didn't come over well when I said our road's resident alcholic annoys me for existing, but perhaps I didn't explain that very well.

Two weeks ago I was standing on my front doorstep watching the dog do his business at midnight before locking up for the night and the alcoholic who is at the centre of all this (the one who OH used to know) fell down in front of me. I went and helped him up and half-carried him back to his own house, which took ages because he was not actually capable of walking without falling. At that point I was still convalescing from surgery myself, but as it was midnight and there wasn't anyone else (OH was at work) so of course I picked him up and got him home. I promise I'm not a total cow, but I really don't want to have to keep doing this day in day out. He wasn't even grateful, he was annoyed at me because I wouldn't come inside and drink with him- even when I said my kids were in bed.

There seems to be some sort of incident every few days now. That's what bothers me, that his issues are spilling into my world. That act of compassion cost me 2 days of bed rest because I really wasn't strong enough to do that, but at the time calling the paramedics or police to deal with him seemed cruel to him and I didn't realise I was going to find it so painful. I wont be lifting any grown men myself again, it'll be 999 every time. I can't do it. I'm a strapping great Amazon of a woman but righting 12 stone of drunken dead weight is still very hard.

This isn't asked to provoke, it's a genuine question, I just want to know what you think. Is it fair to my children to be so affected by someone elses unhealthy choices? My 11 year old is terrified of him because of the swearing thing, I end up checking the coast is clear before going to the car/letting the dog out/etc because I just don't want the bother of having to deal with the disturbance. Several times I've nearly run one of them over when they've fallen into the road, it's sad for them, but also for my kids watching it.

Thanks to those who asked if OH could have a word, but OH has tried. This guy has already been told his heart is not working properly and he will die if he doesn't stop drinking. The doctors can't reach him and OH couldn't either. Does not being able to save him mean I have to let him drag my children's quality of life down with him?

OP posts:

eaglewings · 30/01/2011 16:52

underachieveing I think your post was fine, living near someone who makes you uncomfortable is difficult and wearing. This is on top of being unwell which grinds you down

Those who have been harsh on you have their judgy pants on and possibly don't live next door to an alcoholic

Not sure you can get him removed but yanbu to want to claim your family life back if this continues

AxisofEvil · 30/01/2011 16:59

Empathy for drinkers aside from a purely practical pov if it is a private landlord with an assured shorthd tenancy they can choose not to renew. But if council or housing ass it is often v v hard for people to be evicted. A friend has bad massive anti social issues with a neighbour (inc drink drugs and mh issues along with many of his similarly afflicted friends hanging out there causing issues similar to those op mentions) but the standard to evict is apparently v high.

PigletJohn · 30/01/2011 18:42

look on the bright side, he'll be dead soon.

taintedpaint · 30/01/2011 22:14

No, eaglewings, I lived with one. So I've seen worse things than the OP is describing. And I'm still not as heartless as she came off.

OP, if this is really affecting your family life to such a great extent, that's one thing, but your OP mentioned nothing about this man upsetting your children or even causing that much of a problem for anyone other than himself. It seems odd you didn't mention all the other stuff to begin with. Maybe in future, you ought to get all the information in your first post so that the opinions you have requested are more rounded. Going on the things you wrote in the OP, you rightly got a flaming here. It was downright nasty.

I hope you find a way to co-exist with this man and I really hope he gets the help he seems to desperately need.

Original poster

Underachieving · 02/02/2011 02:19

To begin with taintedpaint you've said that I'm horrible, unfeeling, unsympathetic, heartless and "a lovely person"- intended I am sure with absolute sarcasm. Furthermore you now tell me I am heartless, deserving of a flaming and downright nasty. To add to which you have implied I am telling lies.

I will not be drawn into trading insults with you so that's quite enough now if you don't mind. Your point is made.

OP posts:

chillichill · 02/02/2011 03:02

can you call ss to try and get him some help? getting him kicked out will only make the situation worse if he is made homeless. he may still hang around your neighborhood.
I don't know how but I would look into getting him help first.
fwiw, I don't think ybu or deserving of the flames.

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