To think I should be over the baby blues by now?

[Moulesfrites]

Ds1 is 6 days old. Everyone said days 3 and 4 would be the worst but today I literally cant stop crying. I feel completely overwhelmed by the responsibility and the way our lives have changed. I am so anxious about ds being ok, sometimes I get pains n my chest, and when I am in the shower I think I can hear him crying when he isn't. I am in pain from bf feeding and my stitches, and i feel completely overwhelmed. Is this normal? Dh has been a fantastic support but I don't know how I will ever cope when he goes back to work. Please tell me this gets better and isnt e start of pnd.

6 days is still tiny! I would talk to your midwife about it or doctor if you prefer because although it doesn't mean certain pnd at this stage ( especially if breast-feeding as i found that my hormones took a little longer to settle) if it is pnd then asking for help now will mean getting that help much earlier. - and I speak as someone who took over a year to see a doctor- it wasn't worth waiting!

Congrats on the safe arrival of DS!

The way you're feeling is SO, SO, SO normal.

Please give yourself a break in terms of being so hard on yourself. Why do you think you should be over it by now? Your hormones will be raging for a while yet!

I only have one DD, now 6 months, and I often think I can hear babies crying, even when she's out of the house! That is your fab Mummy, protective instincts kicking in!

It is massively overwhelming, and personally I found the first 6 weeks the hardest as they babies aren't massively responsive to anything, i.e they don't smile until about then.

But you will cope, absolutely. Did you get some leaflets about the difference between 'baby blues' and PND? It might be worth talking to your MW or HV about it (or googling) and there are quite big differences I believe (but am no expert).

Do you have other people coming to stay with you when your DH goes back to work?

Do you have things planned like a baby group or something just to get out of the house and meet other Mums who are going through exactly what you are?

Sending you lots of hugs x x

(((hugs)))) It sounds totally normal to me. Your body had been through a huge trauma, you're establishing breastfeeding, I can't imagine you've had much sleep. Of course you are going to feel exhausted and emotional!

IME it takes a good 4 to 6 weeks to feel anything like yourself again. That's not to depress you, it's to reassure you that there is nothing to worry about right now.

Have you spoken to your community MW about how you're feeling?

It is still very early days, with ds1 I was like it for about 2 weeks, because as you have said, it is overwhelming ect. I would say you are feeling completely normal. I have also hit an emotional time at 6 weeks with both of mine and that lasts for a few weeks, but again gets better. Speak to your midwife, I am sure she will be able to give you some help and advice xxx

I forgot to say that with my fourth baby i finally learned that the world would go on if i lay down and relaxed, I took my baby and the laptop to bed and snuggled down with 4od ( I love history programmes) and spent the first 2 weeks just relaxing. I would really advise this it helped with everything from breastfeeding to my mood and i was a little traumatised after the birth even that seemed to fade a little in my cocoon. Not for everyone but I found it helped.

hey moules, it is an overwhelming time, huge changes and lack of sleep as well as surging hormones can knock you for six. Its good dh is supportive. I would say if your struggling mention to the midwife or health visitor. It may not be pnd so try not to worry.

Oh love, it's VERY early days still and you are chock full of hormones.

It can take a long time to feel even vaguely human again, speak to your HV and tell her how you are feeling. Post Natal Depression can occur anything up to a year after giving birth. I'm not saying that to frighten you but just so you see how early days it is.

It IS normal to feel what you are feeling, giving birth is life changing but it's not normal for things to carry on feeling so bad day after day - of course you'll have good and bad days so that's why it's so important to talk to your HV x

It sounds like you are doing brilliantly, and I would say that feeling overwhelmed about the responsibility is actually a sign that you're taking this parenting lark seriously - it would be more worrying if you didn't feel that way IFKWIM.

Remember "this too shall pass"!

Your feelings are perfectly normal. My DD is 5ths old now. I was at the doctors at three weeks old saying I thought I had PND as I was crying loads, she prescribes anti depressants but I didn't want to take them, so waited a week or two and suddenly (coincidentally as sleep got a little less interupted) I stopped crying again! Your body has been through huge huge trauma and your hormones are racing, settling down from pregnancy and gearing up for breast feeding. You'll be fine, but speak to your HV if in doubt, they won't judge you, won't report you to SS, won't take baby away (all things I thought would happen) they will just support you.

It might be completely normal, but I think it will get better with a lot of support from your midwife. Are you still under midwife care?

I know my lowest point was at 2 and a half weeks, so days 3 and 4 are not always the worst. Maybe for you, today will be the lowest point and it will all improve from now

Please talk to your midwife . Whether it is the start of PND or not, you need more support than you're getting, and your midwife should be arranging it for you.

I really hope you feel more positive soon. It is a huge adjustment to make when you become a mother, and I think we expect to take it in our stride (afterall, we've had nine months to get used to the idea, right?). I think it is perfectly normal to feel shocked, and to take time to adjust.

With regards to coping when your husband goes back to work, you will. My husband filled the fridge with yoghurt, milk, cheese, ham etc and the cupboard with chocolate, biscuits, crisps, heinz 'taste of home' pots (wonderful - please get some! You microwave them and have a complete stew meal in 2 mins!). You can then concentrate on yourself and the baby, with easy food on hand when you can manage it.

Also, pop over to the Breast and Bottle Feeding section for advice on bf pain, and/or ring one of the helplines (details will be in the feeding section). They're normally really helpful.

Well done for making through this first week - please ask for support with the next few [smeile]

Agreeing with all the above.

You are absolutely normal!

Don't beat yourself up and don't read too many baby books that give you unreasonable expectations of yourself or motherhood.

Whenever you feel crappy, grab a pencil and paper and write down something good that is happening.

Try to ride with the tide.

Oh yes, and remember to laugh at yourself too.

Hi Moulesfrites.

I just wanted to echo what others have said. I was completely all over the place 6 days post- my first birth. Please, please don't be hard on yourself. It is a big shock to the system. The shock of motherhood, i call it. IOt's a complete mind fuck, for want of a more articulate way of expresisng it! The mindfuck, coupled with you having also been through a gruelling physical experience (and now probably now suffering from sleep deprivation and the physical demands of breastfeeding) all adds up to a lot of pressure on you, so just recognise that.

These are early days. You are not required to be super woman. All you are required to do is feed you baby, cuddle your baby, sleep when you can and call in as much support and TLC as you can muster for yourself.

Do speak to your midwife, and make sure your partner and family know that you are feeling low and need more support. There is no shame in this. It is normal.

Sending you much love x

Some really good advice on here already. 3 things I would add:

• it's a lie that if you are doing bfing right it doesn't hurt. That's right once it's established, but it hurts like a bastard for the first couple of weeks even if the latch is correct/there's no mastitis etc etc. Both myself and a few other friends who were very successful breastfeeders all commented that it is hugely misleading to say it doesn't hurt at the beginning.

• hearing phantom cries is normal

• (what I am about to write may not be popular on here but a friend of mine recently said to me that she thought I got this bit completely right about motherhood right from the beginning and she only got it with her second child) try to relax/meditate/whatever and try and see taking care of a very small baby for what it is - very very tiring but fundamentally straight-forward. You don't need to entertain it. It's too little to move anywhere. All you are doing are changing/feeding/winding/cuddling - repeat ad nauseam. You will be driven mad with the tiredness and your hormones but fundamentally the tasks you are doing for your newborn are easy. Try to sleep as much as you can when your LO does - whatever time of night or day it is. Don't do any housework for the next six months and have a couple of glasses of wine each night.

Congratulations - I think you sound like a fab Mum.

Totally normal.

My DP was back at work so my DD must have been at least three weeks old (probably older) when I rang him at work absolutely delighted because it was the first day I hadn't shed at least one tear.

In all honesty the first 6 months of my DD's life were the worst of mine.

I would feel terrible about saying that if she wasn't, aged nearly 3, now the light of my life... most of the time .

Moules - i could have written this post! i was hearbroken after my DD, all i did was cry for about 6 weeks. i could not cope with the massive lifestyle change, i could not cope with the lack of sleep and i also couldn't cope with the constant crying. i also missed it being just OH and i.

as another poster has said, my DD's first 6 months were the hardest of my life. it's all about adjusting and getting some routine and balance.

i promise you, hand on heart, it gets so much easier and you will and you do get some normality back and life becomes lovely again, infact it becomes even better.

my DD is 17 months now and it's the best thing in the world. it's so much fun and i wouldn't swap her for all the money in the world.

not to be patronising but i was quite good at the whole routine thing. if you want to talk about it and getting a bit of normality back, please feel free to PM me. xxx

and just to add, i think you'll eventually find it easier when OH goes back to work as you'll find your own little routine with DS.

i did get PND, i didn't take anti depressants though, eventually once things settled down, it just went away.

you will get into the swing of things and you will cope and you will love being a mum... it's just takes a little bit of time. x

How are you feeling today OP? :)

Congrats on your dc

What you are feeling is totally normal IME. My ds is 8 weeks and i spemt the first 3 weeks crying constantly - a few times for hours on end! I thought i was going loopy as i couldn't stop! bfing on top of hormones and becoming a parent is overwhelming.

Be easy on yourself, and know that it will get better - one day you'll wake up and it will feel normal.

Speak to hv or mw if you are worried about pnd

I made my dp promise that if he thought i had pnd or wasn't coping he would take action.
knowing that someone is looking out for your behaviour can be reassuring.

Do the HV's still ask you to fill out the EDS form after giving birth, to pick up anyone who might have PND? They did 10 years ago but not sure what happens now.

It took 3 weeks for me to stop crying after my first. Hang on in there. It gets better.

YABU. I don't think the baby blues even start until about day 5 so I wouldn't expect them to have gone yet. I can't remember when I stopped having to constantly fightback tears with dd1 but it was certainly still going on day 8. Remember being at a birthday party in the afternoon and the tears running down behind my sunglasses.... It did go though. And yours will too, its really early days.

Valiumredhead - mine was done both times at around 3 months.

Thinking some more about this OP I think you should count yourself lucky in a way. Your body is ensuring you appreciate the magnitude of what's happening. I went the other way after DD. I thought I was just fine and did far far too much. I crashed and burned two months later and developed PND.

Don't be hard on yourself. It will pass.

I also felt really sad when ds was 6 days old, for me the stitches were really painful at the point, I think they were starting to heal at that point, I was recommended to put a couple of drops of tree tea and lavendar pure essential oil in the bath. It worked fantastically, really helped me to heal. it can smell quite strong and MV recommended that I showered after so could breast feed.

Moulesfrites how have you been for the last few days? Hope things are getting more settled!