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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to send some money anyway?

17 replies

Bogeyface · 27/01/2011 17:37

DD (14) has been invited on holiday with her friend. I dont know the family very well, but I have talked to her mum alot and am happy for her to go.

It will be DD and her friend, friends mum and friends gran. DD was invited because the mum was worried she would be bored on her own, which is fair enough and very kind of them to ask DD.

But she is insisting that as they are self catering and are paying by the week rather than per person, DD only needs spending money. She said that they tend to self cater rather than eat out (I get the feeling that granny is a bit picky!) and they will have days out that the mum will pay for.

I would like to give them something towards the food, and the days out she mentioned. While the places arent massively expensive on their own, another admission fee for each trip over the week will add up. She is insistent that we shouldnt pay as they invited DD, but I thought that perhaps I could put some money (was thinking £50?) in an envelope for DD to give her when they get there with a note from me, thanking them and asking them to use it for a treat as a thank you if they dont want to put it towards their costs for the week.

Would that be ok do you think?

OP posts:

woollyideas · 27/01/2011 17:44

I think that would be perfectly fine and lovely. YANBU.

Ladyofthehousespeaking · 27/01/2011 17:47

Really nice - a thankyou card too?

SE13Mummy · 27/01/2011 17:48

I think that sounds fine - even if your DD's been invited to be company for hers your DD will have a lovely time away too. You could always say that you've given them the amount that you would normally spend on day-trips etc. because they are saving you that cost?

greedychops · 27/01/2011 17:50

Omg I am sooo hormonal. Just had tears in my eyes reading that and thinking that it would be a lovely gesture to let them all have a treat.

Off to hang my head in shame at being so emotional.

Honeybee79 · 27/01/2011 17:56

That sounds fine and is a very nice thought! With a little card saying thanks?

Or you could despatch your DD to them carrying tasty treats for them to have during the weeks - nice chocs, pate etc. May not be practical though.

scurryfunge · 27/01/2011 17:59

We took my DS's friend on holiday and apart from his own spending money, we didn't ask him to contribute at all. It was lovely at the end of the holiday when he produced money to treat us all to a curry as a surprise.

Gogopops · 27/01/2011 19:05

What a lovely thought. Both you and the family are very thoughtful and generous people.

What a change from reading about some of the selfish and inconsiderate sods out there!!

NinkyNonker · 27/01/2011 19:06

Def yanbu.

BubblesMyBubbles · 27/01/2011 19:06

Sounds like a lovely gesture. YANBU :)

taintedpaint · 27/01/2011 19:08

Sounds very sweet and I'm sure it will be received in the spirit it was intended. You sound really nice. :)

maryz · 27/01/2011 19:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Edinburghlass · 27/01/2011 21:21

Good on you for being so thoughtful.........but I do think you should also pay attention to them insisting that you should not pay. Years ago I tried to pay my share for something and my friend said that if someone really wants to treat you, the best way to show appreciation is to thank them very much and enjoy it. Perhaps you could take the friend out somewhere after the holiday by way of a thank you?

BluddyMoFo · 27/01/2011 21:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FudgeGirl · 27/01/2011 21:29

Would she be confident enough, if her friend's mum was really set on not taking the money from her, to produce it to pay for a meal towards the end of the holiday and insisting she used it to treat them all?

If she's anything like my mum when I'm trying to give her money, she'll keep saying "ohhhh no, you mustn't" and then stash it back in your DD's bag!

My mum does that to me all the time, I'll get home from her house (200+ miles) and she'll ring me and say "your petrol money's in your handbag"

Original poster

Bogeyface · 27/01/2011 21:53

I see what some have said about accepting it graciously! I think if it was the other way around I would think "OH silly woman, I told her not to!" and then would probably use it for a special treat for the girls. Buts that fine if she wants to do that, I would just feel happier contributing.

If she sends it back then I will use it to take the girls out when they get back.

Thanks for the replies, just wanted to make sure I wouldnt be offending her! It wouldnt me, but you cant be sure can you?!

OP posts:

emmanana · 27/01/2011 23:18

What a great example you show to your kids. If thats the kind of thoughtful person you are, then it's no suprise that someone wants to do something generous for your DD.
If she won't accept any money, how about sending her a voucher after they return for herself, i.e facial/beauty treatment in a local salon with a note from you and DD? Then if she's embarrased about accepting it at first, it won't be in front of you IYSWIM.
Hope DD has a great time.

Bideyin · 27/01/2011 23:26

I think that sounds lovely and really thoughtful.

We once took a 16 yr old friend of dsd on holiday with us, which we were happy to do and paid for everything. She came without a single penny with her, absolutely nothing for extra drinks, personal items etc. Really pissed me off!

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