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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

it's a bloody stick.

15 replies

mumbar · 27/01/2011 17:04

Walking home from school DS (6) picks up a stick and I ask him to be careful.

Lately he has taken to hitting trees, walls, poking friends and throwing them, not meanly more in a carried away hyper after school way, and I have now said if he does any of these they will get taken away immediatly - no questions asked.

So he throws the stick in the social club car park but its next to a fairly busy road, I go up to him and nicely ask him to put it down, get the usual 'I won't do it again' to which I reply ' so you keep saying but then decide too.' I know mny will say give a warning, but I did when he picked it up and really feel he should know by now.

Here the problem, he sulked, then cried Sad and I mean real tears, as its his favoutite stick and he loved it. Hmm.

He still can't let it go. Hmm

DS has history about stones, sticks, cardboard boxes being his favourite and letting them go. Always have 'the conversation' but still the upset.

Now I feel like a bitch. So WIBU?

OP posts:
mutznutz · 27/01/2011 17:08

Just ignore him...he's playing with your heart Smile

The less attention you give him, the quicker he'll learn that sulking and crying gets him nowhere.

Personally I'd ban him from picking up sticks and stones until he can learn to be responsible.

Original poster
mumbar · 27/01/2011 17:12

He doesn't normally sulk and cry - thats why I feel Sad.

I do ignore him usually - maybe he's trying a new boundary pushing tactic.

Your right about the sticks and stones, but in this case I worry about the breaking of bones Grin

OP posts:
OTheHugeManatee · 27/01/2011 17:16

Is he working through some kind of attachment stuff?

If there's a pattern of getting attached to random objects and then getting upset when they're taken away that sounds like there's something else going on. Have you or someone else he cares about been separated from him more recently? Is there anything else going on that he might be dramatising by getting attached to random objects?

Just a thought...

southeastastra · 27/01/2011 17:22

i feel sorry for him - though i used to get attached to bizarre things, paper bags and stuff

Katey1010 · 27/01/2011 17:22

You DS is wonderful. Sticks and stones instead of cell phones and iPads. Encourage as long as possible!

BellsaRinging · 27/01/2011 17:29

Exactly the same as my ds. Obsessed with sticks and his collection of (v. ordinary) stones. And yes, he does get attached to them. Or so he says, in just the same way you've described, basically as a tactic to avoid them being taken away. And then 2 months later "mummy, do you remember when you threw my favourite stick away?", accompanied by sad face. And then a request for ice cream to help the trauma of the event.

Catsmamma · 27/01/2011 17:29

He's testing your patience.

I think the separation anxiety theory is a tad OTT

I'd go with a stern warning about stick ettiquette Wink and confiscate for any infringement!

Pancakeflipper · 27/01/2011 17:31

I have a 5 yr old attached to sticks. We have a huge collection outside our front door. I find myself carrying sticks home from school to join the collection...

He's been known to drag huge branches back from the wood behind our house.

Our collection was once so big our neighbour offered him some sweets if he could have them for his fire as he'd used up his wood supplies.

He has to hit trees with them, do that good old gun thing etc...

JamieLeeCurtis · 27/01/2011 17:34

Hmm - I'd say - he doesn't have to be happy when you give him a consequence for his actions. He may be more upset today because he had a tiring or crappy day at school. After school is a bit of an emotional time

Niceguy2 · 27/01/2011 18:14

Don't overthink it. He's just playing you up. You warned him, he did it anyway, now he's crying & sulking.

If you gave in to that then you'd just get it back ten fold.

You did the right thing

DuplicitousBitch · 27/01/2011 18:22

dd gets like this with stones. i frequently find myself carrying enormous rocks in my handbad for days after i have forgotten about them

LunaticFringe · 27/01/2011 18:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Gogopops · 27/01/2011 18:39

My DS dragged a really heavy log all along a beach (about 3 miles) despite us telling him to leave it. He was desperate to use it at a machine gun!!

Eventually when he got it home he left it in the back garden and has never looked at it since. It's going in the log burner tonight!!
Strange how boys get attached to stuff like this. Confused

Original poster
mumbar · 27/01/2011 18:51

Glad he's not the only one to get attached to random things Grin. Sticks etc do get left outside with the explanation thats where they live, you wouldn't want to live outside, twigs etc don't want to live inside.

He's been generally grumpy tonight and asked to go to bed early and is sound asleep so could be overtired. Hope he's not up early though as INSET day tomorrow.

He asked to go back and get the stick tomorrow then said someone else may have taken it. So I told him a story about a stick tonight and about how he likes playing with different children and added some fun things it had done!! Seemed to work.

Not sure its an attachment thing - he's been getting attached to sticks, carboard boxes for about 2 years.

Just glad I'm NBU Grin

OP posts:
5Foot5 · 27/01/2011 20:47

DuplicitousBitch I was like this with stones when i was little apparently. My Mum used to go through my pockets regularly to get rid of the stones I had collected. I would have special stones though that I would plead with her to let me keep.

I remember once an older mean girl taking one of my stones and throwing it away where I couldn't get it and I cried and cried.

However, I got over it.

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