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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to get a bit pissed off at dh's skying trip

21 replies

samoa · 27/01/2011 11:36

My dh who always complains that he never spends enough time with our dd has now organized a weeks skying trip where I and our dd can't go. This has slightly pissed me off but he doesn't seem to understand why. am i being unreasonable?

OP posts:

MmeLindt · 27/01/2011 11:38

What is skying?

belgo · 27/01/2011 11:39

Mt dh goes on skiing trips without me and the children. I don't particularly want to go, too expensive and I would end up doing more babysitting then skiing, so I would rather just stay at home.

In return I get to choose the summer holiday and go away for a weekend with a friend, oh and several nights out as well, I am milking it; I suggest you do the same!

Deliaskis · 27/01/2011 11:40

Do you mean skiing or sky-diving, or something else?

I would be fuming, but not because of the organising a trip when he's supposed to be spending time with you, more the organising a trip without consulting/discussing where you could all go together, or coming to a decision together that this trip would be on his own. Does he normally do this? How come you can't go? Was it even discussed?

DH and I make all holiday decisions together, even when we (occasionally) go away separately, it's part of being a partnership.

FranSanDisco · 27/01/2011 11:42

Dh just gone off to Benidorm for a long weekend golfing. I've warned him I don't need a day to day weather report . DO you get family holidays together? I don't mind his trips (does a week long Florida one for golf also annually) as we do lots together with the children as well.

MmeLindt · 27/01/2011 11:43

Ah, skiing? Sorry, thought it was some new-fangled sky diving thing.

How old is your DD. How often does he get away alone? And do you get away alone?

Original poster

samoa · 27/01/2011 11:45

sorry i meant skiing

OP posts:

Ephiny · 27/01/2011 11:46

DP and I do go on some holidays separately, don't think there's any rule that you have to do everything together as a couple.

A bit odd if he's the one complaining about not spending time with DD though!

ramonaquimby · 27/01/2011 11:46

organise your own trip without him or your dd
it's important to still do thing for yourself

Original poster

samoa · 27/01/2011 11:48

I don't really do anything by myself these days. It is not really the fact that he is going on holiday on his own that bothers me but the fact that he is always (daily) complaining about the fact that he never spends enough time with dd but then buggers off for a week skiing.

OP posts:

WincyEtNightie · 27/01/2011 11:48

Can you afford it (without impacting "family" holiday)?
Will/would he be as supportive for a similar trip for you?

If yes and yes then YABU
If no to either then YANBU

Original poster

samoa · 27/01/2011 11:51

WincyEtNightie, to your first question: yes we can afford it.
2nd question: when i went to see my parents in the summer for 3 weeks with dd (i see my parents twice a year) he complained that we were away for too long and that it was unfair.

OP posts:

expatinscotland · 27/01/2011 11:51

The only way this is fair is if: a) you don't mind or b) you go away, too, on your own.

MmeLindt · 27/01/2011 11:51

How old is your DD?

My DH goes away occasionally, but then I get away on weekends with my girlfriends so I am ok with it.

Deliaskis · 27/01/2011 11:55

I still don't get it. Did he not discuss it with you before booking it? Did he just go and make this decision on his own?

And re your last post, did he have the option of coming to your parents?

QuintessentialShadows · 27/01/2011 11:58

How old is dd?
Ds started skiing when he was 3. It is a great sport for kids.
Do you want to go?

I imagine you enjoying time in a spa, or by the log fire with a nice book, while dd is in the creche, or at ski club could be highly relaxing.

MrSpoc · 27/01/2011 13:30

Ok he should of discussed the trip with you first before booking.

You have also said that you have two annual trips away to see your family, the last time was for three weeks. that is a long time for him to be away from his DD. Why did he not go with you.

Also he can be upset at not being able to see his DD more and maybe he needs to make more time for this.

mumbar · 27/01/2011 13:40

I don't think he's being unreasonable going away as you do it to visit your parents. The complaining about not seeing DD enough may be a reaction to stressful job long hours?

My parents always did this. Dad skiied for a week,(feb 1/2 term) we went camping for week with Mum, her sisters and their kids (many of us!!) without the dads May half term. We would take family camping trip in France for 3/4 weeks in the Summer.

YANBU to wonder why he would when he feels he doesn't see DD enough as it is. Hw old is DD btw?

curlymama · 27/01/2011 13:46

Thing is, if he loves skiing and wants to do it, he has got to go away at some point. The sport I love is not best done in this country, so if I want to keep up with it, I have to go away sometimes.

If he wants more time with dd, that a separate issue. If monay isn't the wrry then there's no reason why you couldn't book a family holiday, or a few days out. He could still have quality time with his dd and go on a skiing trip.

fedupwithdeployment · 27/01/2011 13:47

Why can't you / DD go?

clevercloggs · 27/01/2011 13:55

why not go and visit parents while he is away

WincyEtNightie · 27/01/2011 14:23

I can see why you are comparing the two (his skiing, you going to see your parents) but I can also see why he sees them as different (he will be away for 1 week, you & DD were away for 3).

I don't think either of you are being particularly unreasonable TBH.

Can he have his week skiing and then the two of you can discuss separately how he can spend quality time with DD. I do understand that at the moment you feel you can't/don't want time away on your own but the time will probably come when that will also be something for you both the factor in too.

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