We dont have sex anymore?

[pinkcherrybloom]

My dp and I have not had sex for a year,I had two awful bad preganancy's,and do not want anymore children.

I have just not wanted to have sex with dp,beause fear of getting preganant,and the fact he makes no effort with anything,family himself,me.?

He works long hours,which im grateful for as he does provide for us,but Im alone alot with two ds's,so feel like a single mum,when he come homes its a quick hello,eat,shower and goes to bed to watch telly till 12.00.

I have started sleeping in a another room as Im so tired because I can not sleep with the telly on,and have started taking sleeping tablets to help,I feel our love is dead,aibu?

What can I do to keep the family together.

Do you want this relationship to work, if so you have to work on it!

Start over, and arrange a 'date' where just you and DP can go out together like when you were courting. If that is a problem (babysitters etc) then do a nice meal, get a film in and spend some quality time together.

If you scared of getting pregnant then do something about it - I am not medically trained, nor do I know your circumstances, but surely there is some form of birth control that you can go on?

Good luck!

Thanks,I have tried everything regarding birth control ,the only thing I can take is the pill,im over 35 so doctor was trying to advice me against it.

Its a good idea with the date thing,I will arrange something thanks you.

Oh! Time for a big chat. Have you got anyone to take the kid/s for a couple of days. Want would he want to do if you had that time together? Ask him? What is happening at work for him? Is he like to face a job loss? or his he working extra hours because they have a small work force. Would he or you have the snip? What does he think of not having more children? So many questions to ask yourself and him? My DH is so exhausted he now has an immune system problem which means he has cold sores and colds almost all the time. is he well?

No he is poorly all the time,more often now that he works long hours,its his business thats why we never really see him.

We both dont want anymore children,we want to save for a house,Im about to give up one of my jobs as Im left with little money after childcare.

Sorry is he sick all the time now?

Every other week he gets something,a cold joint ache,head ache,pains etc.

What about the snip then? Can you do some of his paperwork and get more involved in the business? Could you go swimming together to shake-up the health thingy and time together? Have you got any extended family nearby?
Sorry, I have to go out now but this seems like a lot more than just a sex problem

I agree, what about the snip or sterilised?

Pink, I really am sympathetic to your plight. Looking back on my own life, when my kids were young both me & my ex should have made more time for each other.

We lost our way in the push to pursue our careers and juggling the kids. Sex fell by the wayside and Corrie was more interesting for her than an early night. Unsurprisingly we seperated.

Whilst I am happy now, the path of a single parent is not easy. If you think you are practically a single parent now then I have news for you. It's nothing like.

So please please for your own sake have the chat, make the effort. Cajole friends/family or even pay a sitter so you can go out. The most important thing is to go out and have a laugh. Take up a hobby together. Even if its only jogging or tiddlywinks.

I've just seen another couple I know split. Both are decent people but like my experience simply grew apart due to living in different worlds.

If you want whats best for your kids then you must ensure that you make the effort to stay in love with your DP. And vice versa ofc.

We have talked about him getting the snip,but it was just talking.

We act like brother and sister tbh we have forgot to pay each other attention and have focused on the family and day to day living instead of each other,something we are all guilty of especially when you have children.

Sorry I X-posted. Get him to a NHS Wellmans clinic now. My sister had to go with my brother when he was in his twenties to the doc as the Doc wasn't listening to my brother's health problem (or he wasn't saying what was wrong probably) it turned out he had serious lung problems.
Brother-in-law very much the same!
If he is seriously ill because he hasn't looked after the small stuff you'll have worse problems than just no sex.
I really have to go now Good Luck I'll pop in later.

You need to go out of the house with him and talk about all of this, fully and properly. Just announce it - next Thursday night I have a babysitter booked, you need to be home by 7, we're going out. And then tell him all this - you miss the affection, the contraception issue has to be resolved, where does he see your future?

Lots of couples have patches like this when they're knackered with small kids etc but don't let it drift - it just makes it harder to get it back when you do have the energy.

Do you want to be with him? not for the sake of the children, or seperating is difficult, but in your heart is he the man that you want to be with? Do you want to get back what you both had together?

No matter what the answer to the above is you both need to talk to each other. This isn't about the lack of sex but about what type of relationship you have. It is not doing your family any good carrying on the way you both are.

I get bogged down with day to day life, my husband drowns in work (own company) and I think what am I doing here, then I remember why I married him, ask myself if those reasons still apply,(they do) and then we sit and talk, air our feelings, and work at correcting what led us down the paths of seperate lives.

I hope you can work it out

Thank you so much ,we have been together nearly 20 years,not married though,we must have something. We simply have lost our way,and need to find the same path again.

Its nice to hear from a mans point of view,so thank you Niceguy2 you made me cry because what you said is so true.

Im going to try your idea Hassled,we need to celebrate our anniversary maybe without the kids.

Starbear the doctor has already requested that he see him,maybe I should book the appointment infact Im going to.

Been in a similar situation myself, quite recently.

Have to ask is it just sex, or lack of affection also? do you hug? kiss? tell each other you love them?
Brother and sisters term, was exactly how I compared mine and DHs relationship, even best friends

My situation boiled down to exhaustion, had DD20months ago, and hard work is not the word. I think the longer a situation goes on the harder it is to repair, even the first few times after talking felt a bit fake IYGWIM.

We are getting there now, we were so close to splitting, I had even booked a solictors appt for divorce.

A good chat sorted us, I thought it was because he did not love me, attracted to me etc, turned out we were so worn out, that things slipped

Thank you for all your advice its been taken on board it means alot for us and our family.