to be upset that family find my children hard work

[kissingfrogs]

I need by butt kicking to shake of the upset I feel that my family seem to have zero tolerance for my children (5 and 6). They're good girls (honestly) but are typical children - noisy, messy, silly. My family aren't children orientated so find them a bit too much so don't seem to take any pleasure in them. I feel quite upset because I feel that though I'm welcome, my children are not.

Am I just being a sad muppet that should accept that some people just don't "do" children and stop taking it so much to heart?

Trust your gut instincts. But be super honest with yourself -

They are only 5 & 6 -

My family are great with my kids - and meals times are when everyone chats, bonds, spills food etc -its more important to me that we are kind to each other and talk than sit there like etiquette robots.

That said, they are well behaved - I know what the normal limits are for behaviour and if they do cross it then the get told off etc.

People have entirely different etiquette rules - there is a difference between being young and being naughty. I do try and accommodate different household's rules.

But is there more to your feelings? Do your family play with your children? Enjoy them at other times?

I feel your pain OP. They are their GPs after all.. And I'm sure you're not expecting them to drop everything and play Hide and Seek with them. But yes, if GPs make an effort to engage with their GCs, they reap what they sow.

I think it's one of those things you just have to live with.

I have been musing quite a bit on this, as I watch SIL's 2 and 4 year old being subtly recategorised as mini-demons by the inlaws with each passing month. Ds is only 1 so seen as saintly but apparently at about 2 their behaviour is seen as wholly intentional and so all the very same attention-seeking is no longer cute and warrants a trip to the "naughty toilet" . By 4, any type of "nonsense" and there is hushed talk of Supernanny and a future of crime and depravity.

Most hilarious is when the 2 year old has a ecture rife with "why" and "how" questions that she clearly doesn't comprehend if her blank stare is anything to go by: she is obstinate for not responding. They are vexed.

I dread when ds becomes one of the Naughty Ones but I don't think I can change them. I suppose it depends how much time you have to spend with them? If I had to see the IL's every week I might take a stand, but it's about four times a year so I think I can live with it. Though I will have to have words about the "naughty toilet". Especially if they turn the lights off..

Ha! bet they never got hold of Grandads toothpaste and spread it over the kitchen cupboards, or spread glue over Grandmothers desk.

If you can afford it, buy/put away some special toys for visiting the family. (not crayons as they sound like they would have a fit if dcs used them) Try to buy them a special sports drink bottle too.

See if family can visit you instead or make your visits very short.

It is really tough not being able to relax on visits and feeling you have to watch every second of your childs behaviour.

I dont think yabu at all. When I am a nanny I will want my children 24/7 if I was allowed. I really dont get how anyone can be like this with little children especially their own family.

YANBU - it makes me really cross to read what you have written. The are their GP for god sake, and children are noisy and not constrianed by all the pointless restrictions that we are as adults. DC will onyl be that age once so whilst your mum would totally have a point in asking them not to bounce on the sofa whilst eating chocolate biscuits (!) they are her grandchildren and she should enjoy them for the way they are. And maybe Im going to get flamed for this but wtf? with people writing on here that they dont like cerain aspects of children???!!! Sorry guys but thats what life is.- you cant pick the good and not have to suffer the bad its called reality! I feel awful for you that your own family make you feel that way about their own relatives. Can you talk to them about the way that you feel? I cant think of anything worse than my DD one day dreading coming to see me becuase she thinks I dont like cerain behaviour... Good luck Im sure your girls are lovely

Kissingfrogs, wait until your sister has children - she will change her attitude sharpish!

I had brothers like her, but you wouldn't think it now to see them having difficult times with their young children - while mine are older, easier to manage and more independent

I would cut visits to your parents until your dds are older, they don't deserve to see as much of their granddaughters if they are so intolerant!

Such a shame that close relatives don't quite appreciate your DC yet but I'm sure as they get a bit older things will change.
TBH I can see where they're coming from. Although I have 2 DCs, when my SIL and BIL came over to stay with us a couple of years ago their DC (5 and 3) were a nightmare. Shortly after they arrived the 3yr old did a big shit in the hallway (to be fair he was being potty trained but it still wasn't nice!.) After that they kept helping themselves to food from the cupboards and spilling stuff everywhere (yogurt on the sofa, butter on the carpet - that kind of thing). They were really noisy and squabbling all the time - boy was I glad to see the back of them.

Now we only have to tolerate this kind of stuff on holiday but it's not too bad if it's in a holiday cottage!!

My advise is just not to take it personal. And accept that is just the way it is, at least for now. That will take the stress and disappointment out of it for you.

I normally don't bring my 6 & 8 yr old to visit my dad. He doesn't enjoy the constant interrupting and/or squabbling. Whey they come with me I keep the visits short.

However, my MIL loves to have them visit, and is great to interact with them. As a result, they share close bond, which they just don't have with my Dad. But that is fine, different strokes for different folks.

Also - Nintendo DS (with sound turned off) is excellent way of having them seen not heard. Just make sure you charge the batteries before you visit.

Are your girls the first grandchildren?

I guiltily remember when my BIL/SIL had their DC, several years before us. When they turned up at the PILs house we did try to show interest and "make a fuss" but possibly it showed that we found it a strain. Like many people who haven't had their own yet we "didn't really do kids".

Fast forward some years and we had our DD and then other BIL had several and finally we got it too. I am sure we were much better aunt and uncle to the younger lot. Also I think by then PILs were so used to GCs that they handled them all much better too.

I guess what I am saying is sort of tough on you if you are the first but maybe one day you will be the smug parent of well-behaved older girls while your sister is struggling with noisy infants and you will be able to smile about this.

I used to find my niece and nephew exhausting, much as I adored them. Now I have my own daughter and I suspect that a lot of what you think is OK when you see it all day is actually quite "full on" when you're not used to it. I agree with earlier advice to try to limit time with your family and / or go to the park so you're not in danger of breaking ornaments etc.