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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be pissed off with the old boys network?

82 replies

poshsinglemum · 26/01/2011 21:34

After reading some threads on private schools and bullying I would like to air my views on the old boys network.

Everyone assumes that if you go to a private school you will have better connections and make fantastic contacts and get further in life. That is if you manage to get in there with the old boys network that is.

They were a clique of wealthy, popular jocks basically who would hardly let anyone in. Not many boys at my school were allowed ''in'' and as a women it was worse. to be allowed to get in with them as a woman you basically had to look like barbie.

I certainly was excluded by them and as a result made no decent contacts or nor did I bag myself a rich bloke. More fool me I can hear you say but AIBU to think they are bastards?

Going to private school does NOT suddenly equip yopu with an influential address book.

Just watching the programme on BBC 2 and I jsut cannot see how to change the system whereby these cronies will allow anyone who isn't in their club have a say.

OP posts:
Original poster
poshsinglemum · 26/01/2011 21:36

The programme states the obvious that old Etonians are most likely to get into parliament and thus dictate how this country is run? The rich stay rich etc.

OP posts:
bubblewrapped · 26/01/2011 21:36

I think everyone assumes that if you go to a private school, you get a better education, have a better cv, and that will help you to get further in life.

It is not ALL down to the friends you make.

Original poster
poshsinglemum · 26/01/2011 21:39

well after reading some threads and after watching this programme a large part of it does seem to be about contacts it would seem. Or is that to do with parental networking at the school gates as much as student networking?

I hate to think what the school gates are liek for mums at Eton. it's bad enough down the local playgroup!

OP posts:
scottishmummy · 26/01/2011 21:40

psm,if you are disapointed in life do you blame your education?

cliques and bullies exist everywhere state and private.unfortunately never likely to be eradicated

gordyslovesheep · 26/01/2011 21:41

the mums at Eton have staff to stand at the gates and form cliques - they don't do it for themselves :)

pascoe28 · 26/01/2011 21:41

The closure of grammar schools is the problem - they gave the non-wealthy bright kids a good step up the ladder...now their folks are faced with either going private or letting them wallow in sh*te comps.

Hassled · 26/01/2011 21:42

I think what a lot of public/private schools give people is an immense amount of confidence - or at least, the ability to appear confident in public. The ability to make small-talk easily, that sort of thing.

I do realise many many State-educated people have that confidence as well. But I think the old-boys network thing might not just be who you know, it might be how you learn to portray yourself with similar people.

gordyslovesheep · 26/01/2011 21:45

Oh I am giggling at Grammar schools giving 'non-wealthy' kids a chance - on what planet - seriously - they still exists and are firmly middle class not largely populated by kids from low income families :)

Bearcat · 26/01/2011 21:49

Pascoe28
If a child was clever enough to get into a grammar school, they'll probably do OK even in a shite comp and even be able to apply to Oxbridge, but maybe not get in (yes been down that road with my 2 DS's)

jenandberry · 26/01/2011 21:49

Grammar schools are great for kids whose parents can afford tuition. They are often seen as a money saving device for parents who would otherwise pay for their education.

I agree about the confidence, independents give students a veneer and confidence that sets them up for life with a few contacts and a looming inheritance thrown in.

pascoe28 · 26/01/2011 21:51

I think envy motivates a lot of posters on here.

jenandberry · 26/01/2011 21:51

The probably do OK is quite a gamble to play with your child's future though.

NeatSoda · 26/01/2011 21:51

If you are a Posh Single Mum then none of this is news to you, so best to reconcile yourself to it and accept it's never going to change.

The Old Boys Network is just another way of saying that influential, monied successful types will flock together. Hardly amazing, is it? The school thing is really not that relevant as OBNers could come from the local comp if their parents are well connected, and unposh state-educated 'network-y' types can join at University (Michael Gove).

jenandberry · 26/01/2011 21:53

I can assure you pascoe I have nothing to be envious about. You can do very well out of a system but still see the injustice.

Bearcat · 26/01/2011 21:53

Jena
Wha is the alternative if you cannot afford private education and your child has to go to the local school?

gordyslovesheep · 26/01/2011 21:54

I'm not envious I went to a shite comprehensive and left with 1 o level - I worked hard and now have 7 o levels, 4 a levels and first class hons degree, 2 post grads and a well paid job - I am proud that I didn;t rely on daddies mates or my old school tie to achieve that :)

HelenBa · 26/01/2011 21:55

I think the point is that grammar schools did give ordinary kids a chance, I went to one in the 80s/90s - no-one had tuition to get in and it definitely wasn't all middle-class

jenandberry · 26/01/2011 21:56

I am not saying there is an alternative. But by saying brights kids will do well at a shit school you allow the school to fail your children.

HelenBa · 26/01/2011 21:57

pascoe a sense of justice not envy I think, we should be a meritocracy, simple as that

Original poster
poshsinglemum · 26/01/2011 21:58

I'm envious tbh. I'd love to have pots of money, confidence and influence. I'd love to have the world at my feet. Who wouldn't?

OP posts:
gordyslovesheep · 26/01/2011 21:59

well here there is massive comp for places and kids are tutored from age 9 - kids do not walk in off the street and get a place

For my degree I did an intergenerational verbal history study of working class women who went to Grammar school - there where no positive stories that I recall - my own mother was referred to by her form tutor as 'The Back Street Slut' for her last 2 years and left before taking any exams - she went on to become a very good teacher in a bad comp!

Teaandcakeplease · 26/01/2011 21:59

YANBU.

I haven't read the whole thread, but what's the name of this programme? Will it be on iplayer do you think?

I'd quite like to watch it.

scottishmummy · 26/01/2011 22:00

you have had advantages stop being envious.pull the finger out, use your advantages and dont churn over envy

NeatSoda · 26/01/2011 22:01

Seriously, the OBN will flourish even without public schools. The class, money, success, confidence, influence thing extends way beyond going to a posh school.

Portofino · 26/01/2011 22:02

"I think the point is that grammar schools did give ordinary kids a chance, I went to one in the 80s/90s - no-one had tuition to get in and it definitely wasn't all middle-class"

I agree - I went to Grammar School from a working class/council house background. I had friends who were extremely posh, and others with holes in their shoes. I don't even remember taking the 11+ - though I did, and passed. There was no fuss made about it, let alone tutoring.

IMHO, get rid of private schools and invest more money in education. There is no reason in this day and age why ANY school has to be that shit.