At my reactions

[lovemy2babies]

I'm posting in aibu for the coverage.

Please bear with me I don't seem to be able to use my words very well last few days.

I was on a short course today and I disagreed with something the tutor said and I became very distraught and wanted to have a huge argument with her and I wanted to cry.

The tutor said nothing wrong and was extremely professional and calm.

It was me.
I wanted to go into a rage :(
I recognised that I was wrong and kept quite however during he rest of the talk I couldn't concentrate on anything tutor said or on any of the class discussion.

I felt like I was falling apart.

Also at home today my dd1 didn't want her dinner and I overreacted horridly by screaming, shouting and smacking her several times :(

All I want to do now is leave everything behind. I feel a failure.

Looking back at how i emotionally reacted i'm wondering if iam mentally unstable?

Or hormonal. I am not being glib. I used to have PMT that would make me think I was losing the plot

Or is this something more constant/consistent? Could be a sign of stress/depression if so.

agree with hormones.. i get like this just before my period and it's HORRID.

I have to do my utmost to not lose my rag with the kids regularly.

that said, I am considering going to the GP to see if anything can be done. the pill or something maybe> i have no idea

How is your DD now? Did you apologise and cuddle her? Forgive yourself but try and get to the bottom of this.

Depression sounds a distinct possibility. I had a reaction very similar to what you describe, had to walk out of a staff meeting because I was afraid I was going to throw a massive wobbly because the things they were saying upset me to a massive, irrational degree. I was later diagnosed with depression and put on ADs, which helped a whole lot. (Didn't help me keep my job mind you, but that's another story.) Do get it checked out and don't be afraid it will be held against you in some unspecified but doubtless horrible way. At the very least, if you find you're taking it out on the children, you know you have to do something about this.

I also suffered from depression and feeling enraged was one of the signs

Is this a new thing? Has anything happened recently? Have you had depression/anxiety before? You sound like you need to go to see your gp. How old is your dd? Have you said sorry? Do you have anyone yo talk too?

bless you! big hugs

Agree with JLC, and the aftermath of guilt you are feeling is very typical too.

You recognise that this is not usual behaviour for you and that means it's the perfect time for you to get help.

I havnt had a period yet after dd2 who is 8 months however Ive been wondering it's return because I've started to get spots and (tmi) a tiny bit of discharge.

I lost my rag with Dh last week too I forget now over what though.

I did have depression with dd1 but I don't feel now how I did then iyswim?

It could be pmt, the feeling of almost uncontrollable rage was horrid and had exhausted me and over nothing. It's really scared me.

Im going to make a Gp appointment and have a chat.

Jamielee, I did apologise to dd1 and tell her how wrong and naughty I was. She suggested I go in the naughty corner and I agreed I would.

You are not a failure, you're a mum doing your best. Agree with Jamie, big hugs for DD by way of an apology.

We all have days like this from time to time. If you feel its taking over a bit though it never hurts to speak to someone, a GP or even just a good friend.

yes yes, totally agree that the fact that you can tell that this is unreasonable, and you could "feel" it building/happening is ultimately a good thing

I hope your GP appt goes well

So glad to hear you will be making a GP appointment. Does sounds like hormones up to their usual tricks.

DD1 sounds fantastic; you must be very proud.

Damn I thought I was out of depression. :(

I hate ads but I'd rather be on them then fuck up my children.

Somthings not right.

Actually recently I have had alot more rages, I had huge arguments with my parents to he point where I saw myself hitting them and that being a release.

Shit seeing this written down it's a shock wake up.

My reactions are not right.

You are doing the right thing. I found the first year with DC2, (and DC1 a toddler) really really hard. I think there was hormonal stuff, lack of sleep which IMO is terribly debilitating, and just found being relentlessly on-call really hard.

In my case, I had some counselling, and I got some childcare for DC2 while DC2 was at playgroup so I had half a day a week to myself, which felt self-indulgent at the time but kept me sane.

I hope your DH is sympathetic and and does his bit

Feeb1 dd1 is amazing she deserves the best everyday.

Thanks all for listening I feel a huge release at being able to openup and being listened too.
Thanks
X

Sorry your feeling this way.

Have you been ill recently cold/flu? And had any major changes to your routine/life?

Maybe you need your iron levels checked?

I agree seeing GP is a good idea.

In the meantime how about a nice bath with lavender, candles, wine (if you drink) and a good book.

Good luck for tomorrow, don't hold back, blub if you have to

keep us posted, all the best.