to leave the children alone in the kitchen until they've eaten their 'disgusting' food.

[NoseyNooNoo]

DD is 4, DS is 2. DS won't eat much at the moment. Often doesn't even taste the food. DD will eat one section of the food but entirely ignore other bit.

Tonight DS looked at his cottage pie and veg and said 'eugh!' and ate none of it. DD ate the cottage pie after she had declared the smell 'disgusting' but not eat veg despite it being the veg she likes. I've left them to it and said they can get down when they've finished it.

I realised I've had a tantrum but I'm sick of rushing around getting everything sorted for them just for them to find fault or be difficult. The food thing is really symbolic of DD finding fault (the 'disgusting' comment) and DS just saying 'no' to everything.

And breathe...

Personally I would say eating with them is an integral part of them learning social skills and an important part of the day.

One more thing; If you do get really worried about their intake and variety of food, maybe try offering them a snack such as fruit, veg sticks or cheese and crackers at a random time in the morning or afternoon, almost as an afterthought, eg. you have some and tell them, 'I'm having a snack if you want one'.

You know, people get into a lot of unnecessary fuss over food. 'If you don't eat it there's nothing else/no pudding, you can't get down until you've eaten it all, this is not a restaurant' etc etc.

FFS, just make the food, give them a small portion if not eating well at the moment and if they don't eat it they don't eat it! Give them some yoghurt or fruit and job done!They'll eat when they're hungry, don't fuss.

Remember there's millions of children in the the world who eat not much more than rice and they survive. Bet their mothers don't get into a flap over 5 frigging portions a day or whatever it is.

Also lots of children malnourished and with health problems directly caused by standards of food and water. We are lucky to be able to provide a healthy diet so I can see why the OP wants to encourage a good balance.

I agree that sitting at the table with children is important for their development and social skills, but many parents can't do this except for weekends so don't worry about being with them for meals, especially if they are a battleground. As they begin to accept the food you offer, you can show your appreciation by sitting with them while they eat and making it a fun occasion.

It is attention seeking as much as the food, they know that you are bothered about it, this is why they will eat at someone else's house, if you are not there because they other person has no emotional involvement about whether they eat or not. If you take the emotion out of it,you don't have the problem. You won't get anywhere if you force, punish or coax. You just serve it, don't withold pudding, take it away without comment if they don't eat it. Don't give snacks, just have some fruit available if they are really hungry, don't enter into discussion. Once they see that food is served at meal times and if they are hungry they need to eat it, while it is there, they will get on with it. I avoid serving things thatI know they have a genuine dislike for, but I am not a restaurant.

I agree that sitting at the table with children is important for their development and social skills, but many parents can't do this except for weekends

I dont see why not. Parents have to eat too.

bubble I meant because many parents work and children are fed during the day by carers, also sometimes in the evenings if parents get home after half 5 ish. Even if one parent is at home, although it is nice to sit at the table with your children, it is not always nice to eat your dinner at 5 and then never eat with your partner.

So what I meant was, don't worry too much as there are many children, including myself and most of my friends when we were growing up, who did not eat with our parents on weeknights and still manage to have table manners and eat what is in front of us

If I can't eat with DCs I sit at table with them and have a cup of tea, at least for some of the meal.

I would tell DD that calling food that someone has prepared for you 'disgusting' is very rude, and not to be repeated again.

I'm sure you'd be mortified if she did that at, say, a friend's house.

Offering bread and butter as the only alternative sounds like it could work (as suggested by clever poster above)

And well done for walking out!

Me again. Still rumbling on. DS not eating any dinner tonight and I told him to go to his room. He took one look at it and said he didn't like it. it's chicken curry, something he has liked in the past. He would not eat one grain of rice.

Am I really supposed to say, 'That's ok darling, eat nothing and go and play in the lounge whilst your sister eats' or am I supposed to let him whine and whinge at the table as DD eats or do I lose my rag, like I just have and send him upstairs.

Grrrrr!

It seems like a bit of a phase "look at food and decide you dont like without trying"!

I would have a few extras on the table that DC can help themselves too - chicken curry/casserole etc on his plate and bread and butter/veg/naan/tinned sweetcorn/peas in dishes -nothing too demanding to prepare.

I think often DC like to be in control and expressing their dislike for food previously eaten and liked is one way of doing this.

I wouldnt let him get down/send him too his room as they often revel in the drama and attention.
Dont allow whinging or rudeness-have consequences -but not ones that involve food -so give him a chance to stop and make the consequencs clear if he continues- no favorite tv programme if he continues.

I would just put it in the fridge till he says he is hungry and then offer to heat it up for him.

What has he had to eat today already?

He's eaten well today to be fair but he is often not eating his main meal of the day, whether that be at lunch time or dinner time.
He's not really eating anything cooked and I think he'd happily eat just bread and butter. Oh and this morning he took an hour to eat half a bowl of cereals.

I feel I have to cook him something but I resent doing so if he is going to decline it. Even if I do manage to stay calm and serene and not react I've still cooked and I've still got to clear it up. I also hate to see wasted food.

Hmm, I know it's me with the issues here.

Maybe move away from the idea of a main cooked meal and do alternatives that are not time consuming but still nutritious-scrambled on toast,omlette or cheese on toast with some veggie sticks.

Baked potato and beans or pizza ?
Pasta and tomato sauce -let him sprinkle some cheese on .
Some fruit,mini fromage frais or cheese sticks and apple for pudding.
I would set a time limit and then the table is cleared.
Its a natural instinct to want to feed your DC -often little DC like picky bits rather than a cooked meals .

Scrambled egg

Don't beat yourself up. Relax. They'll get over it. Don't cook so much.
Just give them a piece of bread and butter and a bit of ham, jam or whatever. Only if they eat that do you offer anything else.

My DS, also 2 is doing this-tonight whilst I wasn't looking-bad mummy he climbed on the table and threw his dinner at his elder brother and sister, which needless to say, they found hysterical Hardly eats anything, dry weetabix for breakfast bread and butter with moo cow cheese for lunch- seems to have a rule of no fruit or veg, so forced an Ella smoothies on him, then thrown dinner! Fab-just hoping it's a phase and he'll grow out of it. Pisses me off a bit throwing dinner in the bin but trying not to make food an issue?

the fentigr - he probably wouldn't eat most of what you listed. Thanks for saying it's a natural instinct to want to feed DC. I hate to think he's gone to bed hungry.
I think he's goingto at a lot of bread an butter from now on.
Gleekfreak - it's almost funny that he threw his dinner at his siblings. I'd have been furious if it was my DS though!

Hi Nosey
I would still keep putting small dishes of things on the table along with bread and butter which is my DD favorite food btw !

Nothing too taxing or involved but plenty of variety .If he eats great but if he doesnt I would just clear away or pop it in the fridge.
When mine where toddlers they liked the same few meals and I gradually added things as they grew older.
Does he drink alot of squash ? It can really reduce appetite in toddlers.

Im with Fabbychic

I dont see the point at all in serving food to children that they do not like.

Find what they do like and give them that and that doesnt have to mean junk! why would it??!!

all 3 of mine like peas, only 2 like sweetcorn so only 2 get served sweetcorn.

Its not that hard and makes life a lot easier for all concerned.

I agree that it's good to introduce children to lots of different foods. They don't have to eat and like them all but they should have a variety as it certainly helps in getting them used to eating adult-type meals rather than the more bland stuff.

We don't have desserts, so not an issue for us either.

The OP has described her DC saying 'no'to everything she serves and her DD 'finding fault'
This is not about the food its about toddlers flexing their toddler muscles because they can-whether its food or wearing their shoes they one day realise they are separate human beings to us who can say 'no'
Its the way you deal with it that is important- entering a huge battle of wills will usually end badly as will letting them eat whatever they want .
I carried on offering lots of different foods with no pressure to eat but I have always insisted on table manners-no rudeness or saying 'yuk'.

With you bubble girl after my ownheart!