Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

to leave the children alone in the kitchen until they've eaten their 'disgusting' food.

98 replies

NoseyNooNoo · 25/01/2011 17:38

DD is 4, DS is 2. DS won't eat much at the moment. Often doesn't even taste the food. DD will eat one section of the food but entirely ignore other bit.

Tonight DS looked at his cottage pie and veg and said 'eugh!' and ate none of it. DD ate the cottage pie after she had declared the smell 'disgusting' but not eat veg despite it being the veg she likes. I've left them to it and said they can get down when they've finished it.

I realised I've had a tantrum but I'm sick of rushing around getting everything sorted for them just for them to find fault or be difficult. The food thing is really symbolic of DD finding fault (the 'disgusting' comment) and DS just saying 'no' to everything.

And breathe...

OP posts:

Lamorna · 25/01/2011 19:14

'Make them food they want to eat, ask them when they get home what they want to eat as opposed to dishing up what YOU want them to eat.'

NO WAY. I shop, cook and clear up. When they are older they can choose, shop, cook and clear away, I have no problem wiith that.
Otherwise I have done my bit, they can eat it or leave it! They won't starve and if you don't have snacks they will work out they need to eat at meals. I put things in bowls so they can help themselves and are not overfaced.

prettymaryk · 25/01/2011 19:17

btw op, do you eat with them? i've always found "you don't want it? great, can i have it?" works wonders...

Asinine · 25/01/2011 19:29

Our dcs 12,10,8 and 6 are allowed to say they're "not keen" on something or, even better to say nothing if they don't want to eat something. This would be the behaviour I would expect from a polite dinner guest. If they said anything was disgusting (they never have) they would be sent away from the table straight away. Whoever has the best manners for their age during main course will get served pudding first! We all try new things regularly and if done without pressure they can be quite adventurous, especially useful when eating out.

pointydug · 25/01/2011 19:32

Yes, my dds can say they don't like something but cannot slag off my cooking.

Lamorna · 25/01/2011 19:45

I wouldn't put up with the saying it was disgusting or ugh, it is very rude. There is a quick answer, 'OK don't eat it and remove it'. DCs really won't starve if they miss a meal!

lollymad · 25/01/2011 19:46

DD (4) very, very ocasionally gets faddy with foods that I know (and she knows I know) she's eaten before and liked.
If I know she's liked it in the past and is trying it on a bit then I also take the 'eat it or not but there's nothing else' approach.

If it's something new then we expect her to try at least a couple of mouthfuls, but if she genuinely has tried and doesn't like it then fair enough - there are foods I don't like either!

Would take offence at 'disgusting' though!

juuule · 25/01/2011 19:46

Bogeyface - I reacted much how pointydug has already described. I knew what foods they would eat and planned their meals around that. Our meals remained as varied as ever and if they wanted anything we were having they knew they only had to ask.
I also talked to them about nutrition and how having a variety of foods is the better option but I didn't force anything. They even had their desert before their main course sometimes and strangely would eat the main course without quibbling (granted it would most likely be something I knew they would like).
After getting quite stressed initially, I eventually tried to ease back and relax about the whole thing more. Still monitored their overall diet and encouraged them to try things but didn't insist. They all seem healthy enough and get more adventurous with food as they get older.

pointydug · 25/01/2011 19:47

juule, you are v sensible

Nospringflower · 25/01/2011 19:49

If someone had told me I would make different things for my 3 children I would have thought they were mad but I do as otherwise they wouldn't eat much and certainly wouldn't like much and mealtimes would be terrible for all of us. One child is very fussy - only fruit he likes is bananas and will eat peas if he washes them down with milk. Hated pasta until he was 5 but now will eat it ....
If I left them to just not eat things they would not eat it but would then eat loads of breakfast so it doesnt really work as a strategy and doesnt tackle getting some fruit and veg into them.

So, I agree with the give them things they like camp wherever possible and if that means making different things fine. It can be done easily e.g. pasta pesto for 1, pasta with a babybel for the fussy one and spinach and ricotta pasta for one (just giving examples of how some things arent that much hassle to make different versions of). It works reasonably well for us although I do wish they all liked the same things!

chickbean · 25/01/2011 19:50

fruitful - are you me? If I only had DS2 and DD I would be a smug mother who thought that my parenting was beyond compare. Sadly for my self-esteem I have DS1!

My mum always made my brother have at least one of each vegetable (me too, but I love most veg. anyway). He is now 39, a lot less fussy than he was, and he still helps himself to one brussels sprout at Christmas

Oneof4 · 25/01/2011 19:55

Increasingly had this problem with DSDs. There was a problem with every single meal. Finally I sat down with them and talked through the kind of things they liked to eat. Now we cook for them from the list and they know that they can only have bread + butter or a piece of fruit between meals. No pudding if they don't eat a reasonable amount of their main course either.

There's the occasional slip, but in general meal times are pretty good now.

juuule · 25/01/2011 19:58

Why, thank you, pointydug, and so are you:o

Bogeyface · 25/01/2011 20:01

There has been so much mention of pudding on here.

Does everyone except us have some sort of pudding after dinner?

We have it at Xmas and on Birthdays and thats about it!

Nospringflower · 25/01/2011 20:07

We never used to have pudding but found it helped ours eat their tea if they had the thought of getting pudding so now they get it! Sometimes its only a meringue or sponge finger though if we dont have anything in.

schoolchauffeur · 25/01/2011 20:15

I'm with Bubblewrapped- when we were kids, healthy home cooked food everynight which was always the same from when we were little. We each had things we preferred and things we moaned about but we always ate everything up. Have done the same with my two DCs now 15 and 13 and the only variation I make is doing peas for DD as she hates baked beans and doing chicken for DS when we have curry as he has tried it many times but just finds it too spicy so he has all the same stuff but without the curry spices.

lazylula · 25/01/2011 20:17

Ds1 was terribly fussy, well he wasn't to begin with, but it just kind of happened slowly and I was determined not to let it happen. Unfortunately I think my determination to get him to eat everything made the situation worse. I did what you did, I even (shamefully) tried forcing him to eat. He made himself sick ect and we were caught in a vicious circle where I think we both dreaded meal times. I slowly realised it wasn't working and backed right off. I now dish up a meal, if he or ds2 eat it they eat it, if they don't they don't. Ds1 now, at 5, eats many of the things he had turned down, including cottage pie, fish pie ect. If i dish a dinner up and he starts to say I don't like... I tell him to get on with his dinner and completely ignore it. I usually only offer a yoghurt or fruit as a dessert anyway, so tend to let them have that no matter what.

DorisIsAPinkDragon · 25/01/2011 20:22

We a "brownie bite" solution to food.

At brownie camp many (many) moons ago a good brownie had to try a little of everything on her plate (which translated to about a teaspoon full of each thing).

If you've tried it and don't want it, it's ok you've tried and can have dessert. No brownie bite no dessert.

It does seem to help normalise 'strange' food not seen for a while.

(However not every day, cooked veggie lasange tonight only 1 of the 3 dd's has gone to bed with a full belly!)

Asinine · 25/01/2011 20:27

Ours hardly ever have sweets, crisps or sweet drinks but usually have pudding every day as well as fruit after. Nothing fancy, just yoghurts, tinned fruit, custard, rice pudding, ice-cream, fruit sponge etc. We love pudding !

coolascucumber · 25/01/2011 21:33

I have a card on my fridge it says "you have two choices for dinner, take it or leave it"

In reality what I tell my children is that if they don't eat their dinner then they must go to bed immediately as not having their dinner they haven't got enough energy to stay up. It almost always works. They don't have to eat everything on their plate but they must make a good attempt and that must include some of the veg.

On the rare occasion when one of them flatly refuses to eat a particular dinner that disappears from the menu for a few months before I try again.

Serendippy · 25/01/2011 21:40

YANBU. As long as you are making them meals that you know ar nutrotious, that they have eaten before so they do like, or can at least stand, the ingredients, let them eat it at their own pace as muddled said. If they are hungry, they will eat. If not, they will hope for something they like the look of tomorrow. They will be fine.

juuule · 25/01/2011 21:43

"you have two choices for dinner, take it or leave it"

:o Love it.

mummyosaurus · 25/01/2011 21:59

It sounds to me like they need to go to bed hungry a few times to learn to eat up.

Interesting thread, I have fallen into some of the pitfalls highlighted here, such as DCs , age 4 and 5, asking "how much do I have to eat before I get pudding". Pudding is usually only fruit. I usually insist they eat their veg and 10 forkfuls of the other bits.

It's a minefield. Something they liked last week is "disgusting" today.

scurryfunge - what do you say to your kids about pudding? They get it whatever? And then I take my own advice and send them to bed hungry a few times...

friedtoacrisp · 25/01/2011 22:03

Dorisdragon that's what we've done with DS - only ever asked him to try something - just try it once and if he doesn't like it that's fine and it won't be mentioned again. And he really has tried everything from oysters to horse meat to sea urchins and blue cheese. Only the blue cheese got the thumbs down!

Original poster

NoseyNooNoo · 25/01/2011 22:20

Thanks everyone for your thoughts.

DD did eat almost all of her dinner in the end but I think because she could see that I was cheesed off. DS didn't eat much at all - say about 25%. I had to get him down from the table in the end because he did a poo.

They have both been good eaters until recently and both are having growth spurts at the moment. I think I'm wound up because DD is being very whiney at the moment whilst DS is saying 'no' to everything and the food issue is a continuation of these themes. I'm run ragged at the moment due to various things and I'd like at least one stage of the day to not be whiney/confrontational

So, tomorrow I will give them less food and let them eat whatever amount they want but with a 30 minute maximum. Only an almost cleared plate will earn a desert which in our house is usually just fruit anyway. I don't eat with them so when I've finished clearing up I'll leave them to it rather than cajoling them. Does this sound like a good plan?

OP posts:

Serendippy · 25/01/2011 22:30

Yes. Good luck!

Flip

1 2 3 4

Swipe left for the next trending thread