or is DH? Or am I simply a drama queen? re: moving abroad

[twilight3]

Our business is going to the dogs and it has been the case for some time now.

Last summer we had a thought (together-not even sure who started it) that our savings that would just about keep afloat for a short few months/years here, could make a nice capital and go a long way as an investment in another country. So we started researching.

I have spent nights and nights on-line researching our moving possibilities. We decided on Thailand, have been talking with the Board of Investment, decided what to do, I took an on-line TEFL course and was offered a job there as a teacher, have also given my CV to various places in the hope of working in my field on later. Have found schools for the kids and made appointments for the summer, have spoken with estate agents and were going to see properties, have travelled to London to the Embassy, as we're hoping to get "investor" priviledges.

Before christmas DH ot cold feet and decided we should stay put and try harder. I had been dreaming of leaving the UK for years, so I was quite upset, but I think for such a move to be successful everyone has to be completely on board. I shut up and put up.

On New Years eve he said he was now absolutely certain he doesn't want to be here and let's get on with it. So I organised some of the things mentioned above. However he wasn't very involved in the process, and I asked him why. He admitted that he doesn't think it's a wise thing to do. Instead he spends his evenings looking for power tools we can't afford.

I feel like someone has cut me into pieces today. I can hardly speak to my children, my heart is shuttered. I wish he'd stuck to "I don't want ot do it", it has been such an amotional rollercoster for me.

I saw a dream of years coming true and organised it all... I was almost there. My whole body aches. Not to mention the worry about making a living here...

AIBU to want to give it a go? I have lived in Thailand before, and it's not a case of "the grass is greener", it's that there's simply no more grass for us to eat on this side of the hill

If things are shit at home then that will be magnified when you move, it's very very difficult to get set up in a different country and you need to be strong in your relationship. I have know couples that have moved here and one of them has been miserable and has wanted to go home, and they usually get their way.

I'm in Canada btw......didn't articulate myself very well, I have had 2 hours sleep with 6 week old dd.....i'm the walking dead.

He is. He's scared. And in that sense he isn't.

It sounds like a terrific move to me, what if you tell him he can come back if he doesn't like it?

I can't see any cons to it except his fear...

Oh he's so WRONG! Do try to drive ahead with things. You dont have marital problems apart from this, do you?

He is just ostriching and if you push on you'll get there.

I'm sorry it's all down to you but it sounds like a great move.

but we have a wonderful relationship with DH, we only have love for each other, and I'm not just saying that. We both feel it and I know it.

It's finances that are shit.

What is it that makes him think it's not a wise thing to do?

Have you lived in Thailand before WITH children.

Has your husband lived there before?

I can understand his concerns, it is a huge step to take, and not the easiest of countries to settle in.

I think if he has doubts, then you have to take them seriously and not bulldoze him into going.

The economic and political climate in Thailand is quite unstable at the moment too.

Are there other countries that you could consider, OP? Thailand wouldn't be on my list but if you think that it would be what you all need then your husband needs to feel the same way and come on board with it.

Could you ask him where he might like to go, given that you both think the UK isn't right for you?

Good luck by the way... I'm hoping to get my visa for Canada this year!

I was in your DH's position not that long ago...Ikept humming and haaing as I wanted to want it to please DH....cue lots of me changing my mind and him getting dissapointed

I don't want to go and it sounds like your DH doesn't either.

I think you might have toforget it for now.

My DH and I have compromised on a plan to save for a holiday home in Italy..

I'm not about to bulldoze anyone into any decision. It's just not me.

I'm angry and hurt by him changing his mind a million times!

No, it doesn't have to be thailand, it's just what we both initially liked and psent lon time working on.

thanks Wimple... I wish he could tell me that though

BTW, i can't just forget about it, our savings are sooner or later going to run out, and I don't think we should ne putting any of it in the company and make an even further loss. Paid jobs are hard to come by, and you never know how long you can keep one for

Can you teach any TEFL locally in the meantime? Will build up experience and I know there are areas in the UK where there's a demand for it.

Are you aware of the laws in Thailand re property/business ownership? My friend has a house there & she had to set up a company with a local Thai person in order to buy it.

I do sympathise with you - I'm also considering emigrating but so many issues, not enough money, so many decisions to be made etc etc.

yes, we've done all our research and made our decisions. There are also a lot of jobs you can't do unless you're Thai. We would have priviledes as investors, sometimes the BOI recommneds foreigners who are then able to buy land up to 1600sq.m.

What your friend has done is illegal and just because she's not the only one doesn't make it any more legal. I would be very hesitant to go abroad and break the law... But each to their own really.

AIBU to be upset with him? I feel like he's playing with my feelings!!!! I feel so low i want to dig a deep dark hole and hide in it