To not want to babysit strangers' kids

[swanandduck]

On Saturday my PILs took the dcs for a sleepover. They collected them at 4 so myself and dh went to our local to enjoy a couple of relaxed drinks before dinner. We were there about ten minutes when two couples came in with four children between them aged from about 10 down to about 5-6. They settled the children at a table beside us with drinks and crisps and then headed off themselves to the back of the pub to have their own drinks. Myself and dh spent the next ten minutes jumping up to stop the littlest one from running out the door onto the street and stopping one of the ten year olds from trying to force feed crisps into her brother's mouth. We just left in the end with our drinks not even finished.

It's happened to me in playgrounds as well where I find myself stopping little kids from getting up on things they're way too small for while their mums smoke and chat on a bench far away.
AIBU to wish people would look after their own bloody kids and stop assuming other adults in the vicinity are happy to do it?

Pick a different local

Stop looking out for them - they're not your responsibility.

You should have raised this with the pub assuming they hadn't noticed. YANBU.

I Know Plumm, but if a child is going to do something dangerous like run out onto the street or choke her brother I can't just sit there and do nothing.

Yes, you should have complained to the Landlord. At the end of the day, we could all spend our time looking out for behaviour/actions from other people's kids that we find unacceptable but other parents don't.

Couldn't you have changed tables? You could have said to the parents "those kids are on their own there now" and left them to deal with it. I know its annoying and you can't ignore a child in danger, but it's up to you if you let people take advantage or not.

I wouldn't dream of intefering in the childcare of a total stranger, i.e. stopping one child from feeding crisps to another or stopping a child climbing on something. Don't get my wrong, I would intervene if I thought a child was literally in danger, or warn a parent if I wasn't sure they'd spotted something.

But it's none of my business, and I'm not sure I've seen more than 1 or 2 incidents where I'd stop a stranger's child doing something in all the years I've been a mum. I'm surprised someone hasn't pulled you up on it. I know you're well intentioned, but I just wouldn't get involved - these things can be welcome or totally unwelcome, and you never know the parent's reaction.

Just stay out of it, relax, and know that other people's kids really aren't your concern.

I once pulled a child back from crossing the road as a bus came around the corner by his hood, I genuinely thought he was about to get hit - did I get thanked? Nope, I got a mouthful of abuse from the dad (walking a dog, not paying attention) wondering why i was yanking his son's hood!

I think you do have a duty to protect children from danger. Not their fault they have useless fuckwits for parents. I would have had a word with the person in charge at the pub. YANBU to be pissed off about it though

Some parents are so unbeleivibly selfish.

Were the DC's in their line of sight?

but karmabeliever, bad behaviour like one child mushing crisps into a siblings mouth, or preventing a child from going into part of a play area where the OP has decided the child is too small for... that ISN'T the same as stopping an accident/danger right there and then. Grab the child if it falls if you can, but intervening in parenting decisions? No way would I ever put myself in that positin. There is a clear difference here.

frgr
I don't go around interfering just because I don't approve of something other children are doing. but there is no way I could sit back and let a 5 year old run out the door onto a main road, or ignore a child gagging while an older child kept stuffing crisps into his mouth, or let a toddler start climbing up onto something meant for much older children because his mother isn't watching him. That's not intervening in parenting decsions, surely?

Well, swanandduck, I'll take your word that those situations, in context, were severe enough to intervene (depends on severity - stabbing crisps near eyes whilst small child chokes vs. thinking it's funny to mush crisps on noses like ours do).

however, in all the years i've been a parent (and therefore confident enough to think i know something about parenting), i'll say again: i can only think of 1 or maybe 2 instances where i felt intervention/reporting to the place's manager/etc was neccesary to prevent harm to a child. either you go to places with the worst parents in the world, or your measure of what IS and IS NOT an acceptable level of danger differs from my own. if you're not happy with the amount you get involved... two choices... 1. step away and ignore, grow thicker skin, or 2. move where you visit...

It's lovely to look out for other people's kids. But it's not your job - if you resent it, stop doing it. Just move away.

I wonder if other parents simply have different levels of acceptability from you? I wouldn't generally get involved in another child's activities unless I felt there were in imminant danger - feeding crisps and climbing on equipment YOU judge to be dangerous wouldn't fall into that camp for me - stopping a child running out of a door would.

Dd was often 'rescued' by well meaning parents when on climbing equipment - she was small for her age, but very competant and confident.It never bothered me, but they were wasting their time

x-post

off topic - but how did you edit your post, deepdarkwood? either that or MNHQ hires only the quickest online editors around!

But that's the thing deepdarkwood. You can't judge if a situation is dangerous if you weren't there. I think one child trying to choke another with crisps would prompt me to say something if the parents weren't around. I also saw a very small child fall from the top of a high slide in the park. I would definitely have pulled him off if I'd seen him in time.

?

Didn't knowingly edit. Although I may be so clever I did it without realising...

tip of the day : let other people's children run arround and destroy the place as chances are, if you say anything to them other customer will think they are YOUR unrully children and make nast comments to you {benn there done that t-shirt emoticon]

YANBU. This once happened to me on a transatlantic flight; parents came and seated their small children in the row next to me and then went to sit in first class themselves. Boy that was a fun flight.

frgr just to clarify, I wouldn't interfere if other peoples children were just being naughty. (Unless they were affecting my kids and their parents were just ignoring it).
I would stop them from running out of a door onto the street.

I would be very pissed off at having to interfere because their neglectful parents had fucked off elsewhere

I was in a pub once which had signs up saying 'the bar staff are not babysitters. Please keep your children with you'.