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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

over ds's 1st birthday?

43 replies

BarbieLovesKen · 25/01/2011 09:38

DS is 1 today Smile.

I did go slightly over the top for dds first birthday (now 5) but I was young and stupid and she was my PFB. I've learned alot of lessons.

Myself and DH decided not to have a party for ds mainly because:

Hes 1 and isnt going to enjoy it/ have a clue whats going on so really a party would be for us more than him if that makes sense.

Both DC arent feeling the best with a nasty cold.

Up until last night, I was supposed to be working today until 5.30 so didnt think Id have the time (am off for a few days annual leave now). Also, probably selfishly, I thought Id be too wrecked as I was in Uni until after 11pm last night (am studying for degree 2 nights a week). Im also almost 6 months pregnant with dc3.

Its probably the only year Ill get away with not having a party for him!.

We dont have much money and are trying to save for new baby.

We do have quite big parties, bouncing castle in garden, loads of food, friends and family over for the day - but shes 5 in all fairness.

DH and I decided that we would have something small at home this evening at about 6. We ordered a beautiful cake to be made for him and just bought a packet of baloons (because he loves them). We didnt invite anyone, get into inviting little cousins etc from either side (as thought it would be too close to bed time for the little ones anyway) but we are a very close family, with people popping in and out for a cuppa constantly and my granny and 2 aunts are coming up, my 3 (teenage) cousins (who adore him) and DH's parents.

Cake. Cup of tea. Sing happy birthday. Open his presents (well dd will). Bed.

I thought this was fine.

My cousin, whos ds's Godmother and whos 2 boys are small and very close to my 2 texts me (obviously accidently- presumably meant for her mother, I would imagine).

"How fucking miserable and selfish is she? the poor little mite, you'd think they would be marking his 1st one a bit better". Sad

Im really upset. Granted Im pregnant and possibly over sensitive but Im having a hard few days (although in fairness shes not aware) and this has really, really hurt me. She was kind enough to drop up some presents for him the other day, which I rang and thanked her for and I thought all was fine.

She had an absolute massive "do" for her ds's 1st birthday but its in the middle of the summer and was garden party type thing.

Am I unreasonable?

OP posts:
TrillianAstra · 25/01/2011 10:34

He is one. As you said, any party would be for you, not for him.

She is a sanctimonious cow. "Poor little mite"? Hmm

KnowNothing · 25/01/2011 10:44

I'm trying to think of any reason she might be so bitchy - is she having a hard time of it? Masking PND or something by having that massive party for her son? Given that she is DS's godmother I assume you are normally close and she is normally a decent person, it would be sad for your relationship to be wrecked. I would send a text and see what she says. She will probably be mortified (and rightly so). As an aside am shocked at anyone texting the f word to their mother!

DS is 6 today, very exciting stuff, AND he lost his first tooth last night. His favourite 'present' was a jumbo card from Mummy and Daddy. I was chuffed at that!

onmyfeet · 25/01/2011 11:35

YANBU at all. You are celebrating the way you like, he has a cake and balloons, and his family popping in to visit him.
Definitely respond to the text, she deserves to be mortified.

Original poster
BarbieLovesKen · 25/01/2011 11:40

Knownothing she really is normally a decent person, she has a heart of gold in so many ways and is very kind to my dc but shes a pain in the arse - always has been, ever since she was a child herself. Her mother and sister are the same - tis just the way they are and the whole family knows this/ jokes about it/ but just accepts them as they are.

They are notoriously bitchy and give out about almost everything. Oooh tooth fell out? how exciting? tooth fairy visited here for the first time about 3 weeks ago too!!!.

onmyfeet thank you Smile, I would have said to pop in with hers for a slice of cake but they are sick and I didnt want her dc picking up my dc's bug (I explained this to her mother).

OP posts:
EauRouge · 25/01/2011 11:46

"poor little mite"? FFS, he's not going to be on the psychologist's couch in 20 years saying "... and she never even booked a clown!". 1st birthday parties are all about the parents, the little do you've got planned sounds lovely and far more suitable for a baby than a huge, noisy party. I hope you all have a great time :)

Original poster
BarbieLovesKen · 25/01/2011 11:49

Laughed out loud at that EauRouge Grin

OP posts:
southmum · 25/01/2011 11:57

poor little mite? Hmm

She would have had kittens at my DSs 1st birthday.

Myself and DP got a takeaway (vindaloo - natch) and DS had beans on toast. I think he might have to go to counselling.

Firawla · 25/01/2011 12:56

nothing wrong at all with what you are doing, she needs to get a grip!

BootyMum · 25/01/2011 13:23

What a horrible text to receive. Are you sure you still want this person to be godmother to your child???

DH and I had a big party for our PFB's 1st birthday and in hindsight I so wish I didn't. I spent most of the day preparing and cooking food and running around after adult and child guests rather than spending it with DS and DH Sad. Bit crap really.
Never again. It was more for me than DS and I still feel a bit guilty about this.

Am now pregnant with DS No. 2 and will be doing his 1st birthday very differently. It will be smaller and more intimate and I can then fully concentrate on DS.

Your idea sounds lovely, ignore your misery of a cousin.

supersewer · 25/01/2011 13:29

I'm planning first birthday for my dog!!!

Yes, I know!!

But hey my kids will love it and as he's my dog I can celebrate however I like and if his godmother!? doesn't like it that's her problem!!!

small family gathering sounds just the ticket!!

felicity10 · 25/01/2011 13:36

Mean, mean, mean. YANBU, your cousin is being MEAN. Crikey, you have got enough on your plate. Don;t feel guilty, your day sounds lovely, we are doing much the same in a few weeks - even though I don't have half of what you have on!

It's not like you're ignoring his birthday, sounds like a lovely tea and best of all ....wrapping paper! 1 year old's are only interested in the important things eh!!

BlueCat2010 · 25/01/2011 13:38

I would taxt her back and say.......

'I don't think this text was for me'

......and sit back and watch her try to expalin her way out of it! Wink

mloo · 25/01/2011 13:53

DC4 is soon to be 3yo and I am planning on doing far less for his birthday than you describe, OP. Because it's DC4 and I can get away with it, and I am bored with planning children's parties. DC4 won't mind or know any better.

MrsNoggin · 25/01/2011 14:01

I would text her back...

'Well I'm glad I didn't fucking invite you then!'

Cow. But just comfort yourself with the thought of how much she must be crapping herself now, knowing she sent it to you, tee hee.

memphis83 · 25/01/2011 14:02

I agree with bluecat2010, to say this text wasnt for me, what a horrid thing to send! your party sounds lovely
my ds will be 1 in july we are having a party just to get family together in out garden (we are having a bouncy castle but its really for dh and his friends!!!)

Lamorna · 25/01/2011 14:02

You have to ask yourself who you are doing it for, certainly not a 1 yr old who would probably prefer to have immediate family than a houseload of strangers.

emmanana · 25/01/2011 14:07

YADNBU

Enjoy your celebration!!

StewieGriffinsMom · 25/01/2011 14:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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