to feel a bit panicked about my dad's upcoming bypass?

[working9while5]

Tried posting in General Health but no response.

My dad is in his 60's, chronic alcoholic, has gout, Type II diabetes (insulin-controlled).

He doesn't know much about this op (that he can tell me sensibly, anyway ). Something about 6%, 25%, 25% and 50%. He has been told it's high risk.

He lives in a different country to me. I haven't been in a lot of contact with him since 2007 (my wedding, you can imagine...). I took my baby to see him in April and at Christmas, and I send a letter to him from the baby once a month.

I have spent so many years wondering if he might die from this. Tonight he was full of apologies and tears and how he wants to leave me his desk and a CD of songs he recorded in 1980, how I must not miss my son's life the way he has missed ours, how he wants to see my son again before he dies.. about how he is at a crossroads between life and death and he doesn't know which way he will go etc.

I don't know. I read that 95-98% of bypasses are successful but he is a chronic alcoholic (drinking tonight from the sounds of things), diabetic, heavy smoker (70-80 a day). It doesn't sound good.

Should I go home and see him? Is this it? I am scared.

YANBU to be worried about this. Would he agree for you to talk to his Doctor about the risk?

I would have thought you would want to go and see him anyway if he is going through a major op :(

The success rates of a bypass are really good, if there was any doubt he would live after they would not be giving him the operation.

Take comfort from the fact they can help him hence the operation.

I think he has good odds and the benefit outweights the risk.

Is there someone close to him you could talk to? Would he give permission for you to talk to his Consultant?

I don't think so.

Bubblewrapped, there is a long and complicated history. He lives in a different country. It's not all that easy to just drop everything.. and might not be that helpful for him (he tends to drink more when we are around, regret and all of that).

Sorry, I should have said that I don't think I would be allowed speak to his docs. Stepmother on the scene, isn't that easy to communicate with.. tends to always put a positive spin on things (putting it nicely) e.g. on way to graduation ceremony he was in "great form", cue lots of shouting abuse through the entire ceremony plus other things I'd rather not think about. Similar at wedding. She is his next of kin. My sister and I haven't had much to do with her since wedding (though all is superficially well, no question of us "not talking" etc but, well, we're not really).