to think this is the wrong attitude to a child slapping another?

[Northernlurker]

As I was waiting for dd2 at after school club today another parent came in to collect their child. The worker said 'oh just need to tell you he has slapped another child today' Parent said 'Oh right did they deserve it?' and the worker said 'yes'

I am livid tbh. I don't think that was an appropriate way for either party to respond.
I think maybe I should raise the worker's part in this with the operating company? Sadly there's nothing I can do about the parent's attitude. It's no wonder so many people are in violent relationships with that sort of rationalising going on.
So AIBU? Would this have shocked you?

You dont know what the child did to deserve it though. You would need the full story to make a balanced judgement.

I think that as you don't know the circumstances then you are probably being U. Of course if the after school club helpers regularly run a sort of fight club then you are being very R.

If the other child had been pinning him down and pouring acid on his face/petrol down his throat, perhaps a slap was justified.

This probably wasn't the case and therefore YANBU.

YANBU. The parent can claim ignorance, but a staff member should know better. To me, that is probably symptomatic of what might be going on ie: if the child "deserved it" what were they doing in the first place and why wasn't it stopped before it escalated? I would definitely raise it. It was, at the very least, unprofessional.

Completely unacceptable to talk about it in that way. An act of violence needs to be treated as such. If the other child was also being violent then the parents need to be informed properly about what the situation was and how it was dealt with. Otherwise it sends the message that violence is ok.

Even if he did deserve it, this is not something a school professional should ever say!

Well no I don't know the circumsstances (although I do know the child's name as worker yelled it loudly to summon the child)I'm working on the basis that nothing justifies one child or person hitting another once they are out of kindergarten.

Why did it get so far is a good question...

Arse. Have always been pretty happy with the care so this is disappointing.

YANBU, seems the sort of attitude to breed physical violence and prob very aginst OFSTED rules etc

YANBU - worker should not be seeing things in those terms

That does sound unprofessional from the nursery worker. But, was he/she quite young? I could imagine someone in their early 20s might be slightly intimidatd if the parent came across as very agressive. The fact that the worker raised the subject at all might indicate that they thought it was a subject worth addressing but the response from the parent may have thrown them off course.

sounds unprofessional but I kept being told that dd was hitting a lot while at the cm. When I asked more (what sparked it etc as I'd never seen her do it myself) it turned out the other child (2 years older) was steeling toys and getting right into her face and she was telling him to go away (at 2 years old) and he was carrying on.

I am very strict about hitting but I did feel I could understand why dd was hitting the boy. However, if she'd gone in and hit a child for no reason I would be more harsh with her.

I understand why toddlers hit and whilst it's not good it is very common. No issue with that.

This is at an after school club - the child concerned was at least 5 and I think more.

5foot - you could be right. It was a Dad doing the pick up and I was shocked by his reaction so she could have been as well.

The only circumstance where this could be ok in my mind is if there is a lot of backstory with perhaps the child in question being bullied by the child that 'deserved it' and both the parent and worker being aware of this.

While I wouldn't advocate my children hitting back, if one of them was being persistantly bullied I would strongly encourage them to give them a big whack back next time it happened. I think sometimes this is the only thing bullies understand and as a one off to get over it I would support my child in doing this after other things have been tried and failed.

Just "Yes."

I would have expected an account of what happened.

Saying "yes" implies they observed behaviour of such an extreme/disruptive/violent nature that a violent reaction was to a degree understandable/excusable, yet apparently did nothing about the inciting behaviour.

YANBU.

Also, how can they ever really be sure the slapper not the slapee had started the altercation ?