Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

in laws!!! Grrrrr

8 replies

slightlymad72 · 24/01/2011 15:20

Newbie Here, Hi

as the title suggests I am having trouble with the in laws, not just the MIL.

The problems have been happening for the past 12 years when, the eldest child was born. They first started with he takes after his father, uncle, aunt, great cousin herbert, as far as the MIL was concerned I was purely an incubator. I never received any help or support from any of the inlaws and as my H worked away from home I was all alone with childcare etc. 2nd child arrives and the exact same thing but now I'm more bogeyed. I plodded along thinking thats the way it is etc etc. MIL when she did see her grandkids, would ignore the way I fed, disciplined etc and do her own thing, leaving me to deal with the fall out.

she now has another grandchild, who she lavishes care and attention on, careing for her at the drop of a hat and my children are now completly ignored, she never visits them, they haven't stayed at hers for 18 months now, (not that is bothers me too much as I had to pay her by doing jobs) the times we do visit she never says anything nice to them, criticises their hairstyles, the way they play, if they try to tell her something she tells them to go elsewhere.

it is not just her that is causing problems, both my SILs are also ignoring their nephews, one sil had special calenders printed, every member of the family has their birthdays printed except for my family, the other SIL, never speaks to or acknowledges my kids.

If this was aimed at my OH and myself then we could deal with it by ignoring them but as it involves my kids I can't. My OH suggestion is to just to ignore it but I can't, I believe he should be talking to his mother about this, but he refuses as he has tried before and she has just ignored him, but its getting worse and is now affecting our marriage.
any advice would be appreciated.
thanks

OP posts:
giveitago · 24/01/2011 15:24

Yup my mil exactly like this but quite honestly if she's like this then isn't it better she focuses on other gcs now. If she were still going on about your kids you'd certainly have soemthing to say?

I personally cannot wait for sil to have kids so the pressure can be taken off me. DS wouldn't notice as he finds mil overbearing and annoying.

walkinZombie · 24/01/2011 15:25

You are right to be annoyed his family is HIS responsibility, he should be dealing with this head on rather than taking a back seat.

Karaishere · 24/01/2011 15:32

I wouldn't even bother with them if they were my inlaws tbh. Soon the kids will start noticing (if they haven't already) and will probably be upset BUT I would give them the one chance to put it right. If your OH doesn't say anything then you definately should as it's not on. Imo you have nothing to lose but thats jmo :)

ledkr · 24/01/2011 15:46

its f'ing awfull isnt it,not going to hijack but i am feeling very much like an incubator at the mo,has a very hard pg with not even a bloody phonecall from pil or sil and now all of a sudden they are chomping at the bit to come down and STAY to see baby,being born on Thursday,it makes you feel very bitter.
I echo what giveitago says and am praying for more gcs up near them,until then if dh cant help then you havr top speak up,it doesnt sound like you have much to lose.

AMumInScotland · 24/01/2011 15:56

Do your DC actually want to go and visit them? I know I wouldn't if I got spoken to that way. Your DH ought to take responsibility for talking to her, but if he won't, I'd just stop visiting. He can go on his own, and if they ask he can either be honest or lie. His problem then, not yours.

LostArt · 24/01/2011 16:17

I can appreciate how difficult the situation is for you. I just wonder what your DH can say to make it better. Do you think that the problem is that your DH is not that close to his family? The coldness you feel maybe a reflection of his relationship with them and not yours.

I'm in a very similar situation - my MIL never hides how insignificant my children and I are to her. But, as a result, DC don't have a relationship with her, so she is the one that's losing out.

iamusuallybeingunreasonable · 25/01/2011 13:52

Oh she sounds lovely, and your sil... Why can't we all have one like that?! Men just don't see things the way we do, I don't think there is a lot you can do tbh

Like ledkr, my Mil was also chomping her bit to come and stay post birth, ott granny behaviour, "but im the granny!" Strops ahoy when told no overnight visitors for 2 weeks, thought I was in for a rough Mil ride... Well 5 months down the line she has seen her "precious grandchild" 2 times, yes twice, bought her a 3 pack of 1.50 vests as a welcome to this world gift, nothing for Christmas, and on seeing her for the second time at the weekend was very hands off... I sjould be grateful really! I can't stand her, but what an odd old bag, especially after the histrionics we had over her grandparents "rights"!

Leave her to it, its their loss, not yours, and your kids have you :o)

Lamorna · 25/01/2011 13:57

I agree, leave her to it, it is her loss.
It is sad, but you need to face up to the fact that she is never going to be the grandmother you want for your DCs.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page