Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Party Invite Replies

23 replies

BlueCat2010 · 24/01/2011 13:53

It's DS's birthday party next week and I sent out the invites a couple of weeks back, requesting they be replied to by Friday last week. I work full time and today is the only day I can get out to get everything I need for the party.

I'm still waiting to hear from more than half of them - would I be unreasonable to say tough you haven't replied I'm not going to put your DS/DD on the list at the play centre and am not going to do a party bag for you?

OP posts:
Foreverondiet · 24/01/2011 13:58

At my DC's school its regrets only..

Even then some people texted as the party started to saw that their DC couldn't come.

If you call everyone who hasn't replied saying they have to accept/decline now it would be ok but you can't just assume it - because some of them will turn up.

JamieLeeCurtis · 24/01/2011 14:02

Yes, I agree - the ones who haven't replied are more likely to be the ones who are coming.

It is very rude, and YANBU for feeling annoyed, but it would be up to you to know if you could cope with the disappointed children on the day ....

Original poster
BlueCat2010 · 24/01/2011 14:04

Thanks Forever - I'll do that next time I think as it's a great idea.

I have contacted everyone I know, either by phone or face, but a lot of the parents I don't know as DS only started the nursery part of the school in September and I don't drop him off as I work.

I'm sure the party place will be flexible, but I don't want to buy a load of party favours that I don't need!

Grrrr, I am sooo cross as I think this is rude not to let the host know!

OP posts:
Original poster
BlueCat2010 · 24/01/2011 14:19

Ah - good point Jamie - I hadn't thought of that! I guess I'll just have to bite it then and get more than I need..... Hmm

OP posts:
ThatllDoPig · 24/01/2011 14:23

Yes, YANBU, but it is always the way of things. And the kids shouldn't lose out if they have rude impolite parents. I'd get extra in, they are bound to turn up. You could always say, "Oh, I wasn't sure if blabla could make it as I hadn't heard" and it might make them think, but then again it might not! Don't know what else you can do really. A kids party is for the kids and your dc ultimately. As long as they have a good time thats all that matters. Good luck

peanutbutterkid · 24/01/2011 14:30

Gosh, that's odd, ime the only ones who will come are the ones who replied to say that they are coming.

No reply = Not coming. Very few exceptions.

mrskbpw · 24/01/2011 14:36

I am very new to the whole party thing as my son is only three, but I always reply to invitations. They normally have a little bit at the bottom of the invitation you can tear off, don't they? It's not hard. I would assume if they've not replied, they're not coming.

My son has been to four parties since September, taken a present to each one, and we've not had any thank you letters. Is that normal?

Flyonthewindscreen · 24/01/2011 14:37

IME no reply with a week to go could also mean parents haven't made their minds up re weekend plans and so are keeping options open or have lost/forgotten invitation but may find it/remember and rsvp at last minute. V rude!

ChasingSquirrels · 24/01/2011 14:39

dont do party bags, solves that problem

(re no thank you letters - yes, that's normal. My children say thank you to the present giver when the present is given, we only do letters to people who haven't given the present personally - ie it has come in the post)

PorkChopSter · 24/01/2011 14:55

I took a tip off here and for DC's party recently did not give venue details on the Invite. Therefore if they had not RSVP, they could not just show up as they didn't know where it was.

On the day there were a couple of cancellations, but also the 15 who had not replied did not rock up.

It was far less stressful for me.

PigeonPair · 24/01/2011 15:13

I e-mail the people who haven't responded about a week before the party and ask them if the kids are coming - along the lines of "just need to know for food etc." or "the entertainer has asked for an idea of numbers". I know it's only a kids party but lets face it - it's just plain rude not to respond to an invitation - be it kids party or the Royal Wedding Wink

diddl · 24/01/2011 15:52

I also would take no reply as not coming.

Don´t know if you all know very busy people, but I have never had anyone not reply.

Spuderoonerism · 24/01/2011 15:58

Blimey diddl - what's your secret. I had less than half the replies 2 days after I'd asked for RSVPs by [bangry].

I agree that it's not fair that kids miss out because of slackness/lack of social graces of their parents but on the other hand after I'd spent 2 evenings chasing replies on the phone I began to wonder if some of them would perhaps change their ways after their kid was turned away from a party or two...although I'm too much of a wimp to do that...

Poledra · 24/01/2011 16:01

Just make sure you buy party favours you can store in the attic for next year.....

mathanxiety · 24/01/2011 16:07

Forget the party bags entirely or buy stuff you will use yourself like small packs of crayons instead of endless tat, plus something cheap like party whistles and a few sweets. I always found crayons would get used even if I didn't give them away at the party.

PorkChopSter - that is a brilliant idea.

diddl · 24/01/2011 16:15

"Blimey diddl - what's your secret."

I suppose most of us had seen each other at drop off/pick up so knew each other well enough to phone.

Also whole class parties aren´t done here so it would be a few special friends invited so the children would also be wanting to make sure that X knew that they were going.

Original poster
BlueCat2010 · 24/01/2011 21:01

Thanks everyone for your replies - I'm glad I'm not the only one who finds this Angry!

Lesson has definately been learnt, and next time it will be a few 'chosen' friends and not the whole lot!

I've got a few extra party bag bits - annoying as I do get good stuff rather than the crappy tat, but it will last until the next party (or halloween!) if they don't turn up.

I'll give the venue a copy of my list, which has got people down as 'yes' or blank for none reply, so if any of the cheeky buggers do turn up then at least they won't be turned away but I'm blowed if I will give extra numbers that I have have to pay for if they don't come.

OP posts:
fishtankneedscleaning · 24/01/2011 21:22

Being a foster carer for an eternity I have done lots of childrens birthday parties. I find that if you invite about 6 close friends they will all turn up. If you do a class party you are left wondering on the day how many will turn up - very frustrating when you need to prepare the food.

For a couple of years now I have sent out invites and I have deliberately not put the time and wrote on the invite "I am very sorry but i do not have the exact time of the party at the moment. I will know by .....Please could you contact me on below number so that I can confirm the exact arrangements". You know what everyone who called me turned up! The few parents that did not call me were obviously not interested in turning up.

At least I knew how manhy children I was catering for on the day.

IWantToBeAFairyWhenIGrowUp · 24/01/2011 21:41

This is my bugbear too OP - last year for my DD's party all except 1 responded to the invite so I sorted out everything then the day before the party they responded.

I find it very rude not to respond with good notice.

cece · 24/01/2011 21:46

After a few years of experience I tend to only invite children who's parents I know or will see in the playground. That way it is easier to chase up invites.

Original poster
BlueCat2010 · 24/01/2011 21:54

Some great tips on here that I will use in the future, thanks everyone....and watch this space for a fuming AIBU for growling at a mum who couldn't be bothered to reply and then then pitched up with 3 kids in tow expecting them all to attend! Grin

OP posts:
alicet · 24/01/2011 21:56

Well maybe I've been lucky but we have never had any problem with this. It would drive me crazy!

We have tended to have people the ds's know pretty well though (with a couple of exceptions) so maybe that's the secret? Ds1 is having a party in 10 days time and already all have replied apart from 1 (and I know the mum well and before i gave the invites out i told her the date and she said she thought her ds couldcome so may well think she has said yes).

Wandaaa · 24/01/2011 22:06

I had a nightmare with people not responding to invitations to DD's 4th birthday party and I was really stressed about it, however on the day nobody turned up who hadn't responded. The following year I asked people to phone me and they also had to tell me what food their DC wanted to eat, loads still didn't respond but I just thought stuff them and didn't order extra food or do extra party bags but would have been willing to let any children stay if they turned up, but again none did.

Incidently at our local soft play you only pay for the children that attend with a minimum number of 10 and they provide the party bags.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread