my mil is a heavy smoker ...

[babybear5]

my mil is a heavy smoker and whilst that is entirely up to her..she has asked me and my 3 dc's over for lunch tomoro. My ds has a bad cough and my 10 month old is on ventoling for ? asthma. She has never been inside mil house but mil has never brought up subject. I hate the fact that the dc's smell of smoke, even if she doesn't light up while they are in, it just seems to linger and they come home stinking. My husband is a smoker but outside and never near the children.

aibu to decline her offer and come up with an excuse or should i tell her the real reason but don't want to hurt her feelings.

I would say that your son has a cough, and your daughter has asthma, and you are trying to keep them both away from a smoky atmosphere at the moment, but ask if she would like to come over to you instead.

i could do that bubblewrapped...should i just say 'but could you bring the lunch with you'
prob not go down well. she is quite a stuffy mil and the fact that i drop the occasional reference to the smell when they come home she seems to be very thick skinned and doesnt notice anyway.

she says she never has a cigarette when they are in but will go to back door but it must linger cos her house smells of smoke all the time.
Dont get me wrong i have no great hatred for smokers, as i say my hubby is one, just with 5dc's visiting granny..it 5 jackets etc washed each time they leave..just so much more work

We only ever go to my mil's house in the spring/summer when the DC can play outside.

I had to go to the doctors last week because I had a cough that wouldn't clear up I left the DC at home with DH, after i'd been to the doctors I popped in to see mil and the front room was a thick fog of smoke the walls are yellow the net curtains are yellow, I only stayed for 15 mins because It made me cough so much I was almost sick. She smoked 3 cigs in the 15 mins I was there. She has COPD and knows she needs to stop but she says she can't.

She is always welcome to our house but i'm not making my DC sit in hers.

I'd do what bubble suggested - say no because you dont want them in a smoky atmosphere while they are poorly

Don't go and tell her why. My own parents live a flight away. They both smoke (although didn't throughout my childhood) and I made it clear when DD was born (they were visiting) that they couldn't hold her until at least two hours after they'd had a cig and ask them to wash their hands etc. they weren't thrilled at first, but oblige now and even do this in their own house. DD is now 1 and when they were here a couple of weeks ago they had one in the morning pre shower and none til bedtime. I appreciate it so much.

cheekyseamonkey... that seems prescriptive to me. I know that smoke tends to cling and the smell is bad but what's the real risk to your DD if they come in from their cig, wash their hands and wait ten minutes?

OP... I'd ask your hubby to speak to his mother on this issue. He's a smoker too and it may be better coming from him. As long as your MIL has another option, ie. coming to you or going out away from the home, she can't really complain.

BUT you can't ask her to bring over the dinner... that's too cheeky!