to think that friend's DH was rude?

[cinnamonbun]

A friend of mine and her DH and kids came over to ours for lunch recently. She's a SAHM, he's obviously the breadwinner. At one point we were talking about jobs etc and he says "DW is useless at paid work". I guess he was half-joking but I felt uncomfortable and I think she did too. He was referring to the fact that she really enjoys staying at home looking after the kids and she never enjoyed working in an office.

Later on, when we were talking about the ways in which people's lives change when they're suddenly in a relationship and my friend was joking that he used to be a bit of a slob (she didn't actually use that word and it was very light-hearted), he says to her "DW, you're embarrassing everyone".

AIBU to feel that he's a bit disrespectful? My DH and I certainly have our problems but we never air them in public.

Some people are quite comfy taking the piss out of each other in a light hearted way.

Me and my husband will joke like this with each other.. it doesnt mean anything.

Very distrespectfu. How awful to belittle her like that.

She got one in herself with the slob thing though. He clearly didn't like being the butt of the joke!

Me too, bubble. Me and my husband tease each other.

However, you can tell the difference between loving teasing and sly digs.

It's in the eye contact, body language... you can just tell when it's loving and when it's snide.

I know a couple who to all outside appearances, seem to be tearing strips of each other when in company. The first couple of times I witnessed it before I knew them well, it was hideously embarrassing and I really thought they might be on the verge of splitting up. I couldn't understand why anyone would talk to their spouse like that in public. But we did get to know them and well, it's just the way they are. The husband has a sense of humour drier than the Sahara and the wife is hardly backwards in coming forwards. It's just the way they are with each other, and theirs is a very solid, very loving marriage. So I don't think you can easily tell when it's loving vs snide.

OP this situation does sound different. So on balance I think, no you are not unreasonable.

I'm all for a bit of banter and my DH and I tease each other as well but this time the situations I described just felt akward and I think my friend is quite sensitive and she didn't say anything back to her DH and there was a bit of an akward silence after he'd said those things.

Oh I dunno. I think you can always tell an awkward silence and a hurt expression (the flip side of the loving eyes and intimate body language) You can't tell when someone is hurt by a comment?

I'm not sure I follow. from what you've said both made comments about the other, surely if one was rude then so was the other? However you're happy to attribute a position of jovial light-heartedness to your friend but not to her husband

I just felt her comment was lighthearted whereas his was not but then again I might be biased because she's my friend. Nevermind, I'm probably too sensitive

It's just that you say you felt she was uncomfortable with his comment, which makes it bad.
You know for a fact he was uncomfortable with her comment because he spoke up, but for some reason in that case it wasn't her comment was bad because you've interpreted her to be light-hearted so it's his reaction which is bad.
just seems odd, but then again context and tone can be everything and having been there you'd be in an infinitely better position to judge than me.
I was just putting forward a possible aspect that to be looked at.

Hec - well I obviously got them wrong, they really did seem to be very disdainful and disparaging of each other in the beginning. But when I see the same behaviour now it's only because I know them that I can see they're not actually hurting each other (it's still embarassing for me though tbh). Though it has been suggested that I'm actually over sensitive to this type of thing in conversation, that I notice slights where there are none.

He seemed to be starting with the digs by saying she was useless at paid work. He may have meant this light heartedly, as I assume she meant the 'slob' comment. You could write both of those comments off as the sort of banter that some couples have.

I think that telling your spouse, publicly, that they are embarrassing everyone, can't be construed as light hearted. That's quite an obvious put down imo.

My feeling from the OP is that the husband can't take what he gives out.

""DW, you're embarrassing everyone"."

Did anyone correct him & say that no, she wasn´t?

Diddl, no because I was so surprised that he said it and also I wasn't sure whether or not he was joking, plus I didn't want to embarrass anyone even further by getting involved IYSWIM. Not sure I like her DH tbh.