To be sickened by DP's son's Facebook page?

[FedUpOfFB]

DP's son split up with girlfriend of several years some months ago, thought it was amicable, they still had same group of friends.

Over the weekend, on Facebook, some of the things his friends have said to his girlfriend have been so disgusting they have made me nearly cry.

Including calling her a headfuck, a nutter and saying she should be dead/telling her to go and die.

Also DP's son's friends have been hacking into his Facebook account and sending her messages from him - not nasty ones, but things like putting up photos of them as a couple on as his profile pic and sending her messages saying "love you" etc.

She's a lovely girl and was part of the family and although she's standing up for herself and telling them where to go, it's horrible to read.

I've told DP's son to stop letting his friends use his phone and to change his password, I've reported the ones making the worst comments to FB (and nothing has happened) and I've told DP that he has to give his son a talking to as he should delete the comments made on his wall to his ex, but he hasn't.

And the worst thing? You'd think they were all about 14 wouldn't you? They're all 19 or 18.

I am so angry and disgusted! I know I should keep out of it, but it's really upset me that a bunch of kids I really liked have acted like this.

Well, she could always block him so she can't see it.

Perhaps theres more to it?.

As close as I am to my teen sons I stay well away from their facebook - its like standing in the playground with them.

I don't even have my sons as FB friends. They are 23 and 17.

Your step son sounds just as bad as his friends. I am not sure i believe that his account has been "hacked"
if he has control over it and he disagree'd with the comments he would be deleting them and apologising.

I don't know why their relationship broke down but for her sake i think it was a good thing.

I hope she finds someone who will show her a little more respetc

Fabby they deleted me as I laughed at their posy pics.....all their friends add me though so I could spy if i wanted too.

But the telling her to die/that she should be dead? I want to go and smack one particular lad who keeps telling her to die, it's out of order even if there is more to it (and there doesn't seem to be, she dumped him but they are still friends.)

I just feel like I should do something and I feel really helpless as I don't want to make things worse either.

penelopestitsdropped I couldn't agree more, I am disgusted and don't even want to see him at the moment.

He has deleted some of the status updates he says weren't him and the profile pic changes.

One boy who is really abusing her I did think was lovely and always welcome here, if he turned up I wouldn't let him in the house now after the nastiness I've seen.

I suspect there may be a reason for this to have blown up over the weekend, especially if they broke up months ago. Something that you, as his dads partner, would not necessarily be privvy to.

At most I'd send her a message of support. There's not much more you can do but it would lessen the risk of her feeling everyone was against her and possible significant damage to her self esteem. It can be a horrible feeling of failure when a relationship ends, and to think that you have gone down in some people's (to whom you were close) estimation. It would be nice for her to know you value her as a person, and might help her rise above the twattishness of these men. Hopefully she won't need it, and can rise above it all in a way that your DP's son and friends are clearly not capable.

If there is weedle, none of the insults or nastiness allude to anything. Just basically his friends saying they hate her and she's a nutter.

You'd think they'd come out and say "you did this blah blah" but they haven't, just bashing her constantly.

Two things: Yes, its disgusting; and no, there's bugger all you can do about it.

Unfortunately, this is one of the wonderful products of social networking: people can behave like complete pricks without having to actually come face to face with someone and deal with the consequences. Tbh, I have seen very few examples of anything positive coming out of FB.

Suggest that DP tells his DS to man up a bit and teaches him a few old fashioned values, namely regardless of how he now feels about his ex, you neither treat a woman that way or allow a woman to be treated in that way.

hobbgoblin I've been thinking about doing so all weekend, but I am worried about making things worse - like if she got really cross and said something like "well even your own family think you and your friends are a disgrace" if this continues to kick off.

I know I should just keep out of it, but it's bullying and I feel so sorry for the girl. Although she's very articulately putting them down, which I'm quite proud of

You don't have to criticise him if you write to her. You can applaud her dignity, tell her what a lovely girl you think she is and say you are sorry that she is being bullied in this way.

You can't really do much about how people not related to you behave, but you can do something about your step sons behaviour. Get your DP to do what deepheat suggests.

As for the others, I wouldn't let them back in my house. I'd talk to DSS and try to find out why this has kicked off now, rather than when they broke up. If she has done nothing to deserve this, then I'd tell DSS to show some respect or make alternative living arrangements.

It could be something as simple as leading him to believe that she wanted to get back together, therefore messing with his head. Head fuck is used to describe the mind games people play. His friends may just be sticking up for him in their own immature way.

I'd highly disagree with sending her any message at all. So weird to get involved and rightly or wrongly, if I was your DP son I would think you were favouring her over me.

Best thing you could do is fb dump him.

Completely agree with deepheat have Dh tell him to man up. Why hasn't he already? Surely he is not happy with his sons juvenile behaviour?

DP's spoken to him, but I don't think he sees it like I do. I'm going to get them together and really let rip.

Im sorry but you have to butt out its really none of your business and you risk looking silly yourself.

Its facebook they are teens - you are not.

She could block them if she wanted to.

Its not nice and im not defending him but he is making his mistakes - let him.