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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

...to move from a big house in the 'burbs to a small flt in the city?

140 replies

CockneySparra · 24/01/2011 08:21

Has anyone else ever made this 'back to front' type of move?

I grew up in small flats in inner London, but we made the move to a 4 bed semi in the suburbs some years ago.

I miss living more centrally, though. DH does too. Would we be crazy to sell up - which would mean losing an extra bedroom, probably the garden, definitely a lot of the space in the house and the driveway etc - to move back 'into London'?

Anyone else done this.

We currently live in way up on the London/Herts borders, btw, but are thinking of moving to Kensal Rise/Queens Park or even Maida Vale if we can find something we can afford.

OP posts:
Original poster
CockneySparra · 24/01/2011 08:21

small FLAT. Gah.

OP posts:
Original poster
CockneySparra · 24/01/2011 08:22

has anyone else done this?

OP posts:
chelstonmum · 24/01/2011 08:36

Hi, we were recently faced with a simmillar choice.......
DH was offered two jobs, job one in Central London, where we could have either lived a commute away (moving away from family and less time with DH) and maintained our 4bed/garden/parking space etc or live nearer the city in a flat (possibly a shared garden) but 2/3 bed and down a loo and family room. Job two was in Devon, we could maintain the same size of house and still be near to a (mini) city, Exeter. We are 2.5hrs from Central London and I have to say for our family it was the right decision.
Do you have kids? If so, are they used to having private outdoor space? and are you a bit like us and your inner city memories are of you and DH, back when it was possible to do as you pleased at the drop of the hat? (we went from last min nights out to sunday lnch in the local........but we have been there and done that, this is right for us now) :)

mamaloco · 24/01/2011 08:39

I haven't really done it because we are renting at the moment.
But When I go to my friends in the suburb, I get depressed.
No shops, nobody outside, same houses, same garage doors, I really gets me down...
I love being more central, and go down the shop if I forgot the milk or the bread, walk the baby and actually meet people in the streets or parks...
It is all what fits you and what makes you happy.
Flats are easier to clean and tidy too

dinkystinky · 24/01/2011 08:43

If you have kids, then no I wouldnt do it. Its amazing the amount of tat kids generate. We've got a house in Queens Park (which is great for families btw) but have moved to a small flat while renovating it and its driving me crazy - I know my move is short term only so its just about bearable, but if it was for the long term I'd be really quite unhappy about it. Only people I know who have done the back to front move and been happy with it are empty nesters who no longer need the space or have kids at home hoovering up their cash, so they can live in Central london and enjoy it.

FWIW I love London - and have steadfastly refused to move out of London for the past 6 years. I think there comes a point though when other priorities (e.g. education for kids, space, family commitments) need to come into play though.

brightlightsandpromises · 24/01/2011 09:11

If you have children, big house with garden for them to play in v's inner london flat with possibly no garden, less opportunity to get ouside in fresh air is a bit of a no brainer really

onmyfeet · 24/01/2011 09:34

What do the kids think? What would the school be like if you moved? How does crime compare in the two areas?

Original poster
CockneySparra · 24/01/2011 09:43

All good food for thought, thank you all.

Kids are under five, so no opinion, really. DS has SN, so goes to special school out of our area.

Schools are not so good on paper in the areas we are looking at. Crime much higher in QP/KR/Kilburn area than where we live now, but that's urban life for you.

I know most people would think we are mad. Maybe we are?!

OP posts:
brightlightsandpromises · 24/01/2011 09:48

mamaloco - i dont know where your friends live, but i live an hours commute from london and it is certainly not how you describe it. I live two minutes walk from the sea, we have a lovely town with an active community. We have bookshops, we have delis and cofee shops coming out of our ears. No people outside? Well not directly outside my door but i can't walk down the town without seeing at least one person i know to stop for a chat. My DD has lots of friends and we are never stuck for something to do. I love london, i love its buzz and vibe but i wouldn't move there for all the tea in china.

figcake · 24/01/2011 09:48

Oh dear - the only reason I have hesitated on moving to a bigger house in the suburbs is because I am worried that I will find myself in exactly the same situation as yourself - over time and especially now, London prices just don't follow the same pattern as elsewhere and you are generally likely to find yourself priced out (of course there are always a few exceptional affluent, commuter towns).

It probably seems like a better idea in winter than it would once the flowers start blooming and the grass is dry enough to sit on. There are compromise situations such as a flat with a roof garden, flat with it's own garden (even if only big enough for a basketball net or a game of catch), flat very close to park, flat near to good friends property with garden Wink , small house in cheaper part of London for the same price as a flat that's more central.

onmyfeet · 24/01/2011 09:50

Well, we left the city to escape crime, pollution, high prices and the constant noise of a city. I don't like living in the suburbs much though, I like small towns much more.
Perhaps keep looking for something that has the things you want, but with good schools, and safe enough to walk home from a bus stop at night?

brightlightsandpromises · 24/01/2011 09:52

Your kids absolutely would have an opinion, just because they are not old enough to articulate it! I think you have to ask yourself what you are moving there for? is it for you? is it for nightlife and a cosmopolitan lifestye, if that is your answer then i think it is bloody selfish. Sorry, just my opnion. The attitude towards crime too? so you are at greater risk and thats urban life for you, Really??? Woman, give yourself a bloody good talking to - move the seaside Grin I know a lovely little town Wink

lalalonglegs · 24/01/2011 09:56

We kind of did this. We were living in an area on the outskirts of London (zone 4) - great house, huge garden etc but we moved to an area much closer to the centre where we now live in a maisonette without a garden. I would always choose area over size of house: we felt so cut off at the house, it was a 20 minute walk to an overground station, trains to London only every 20 mins or so outside rush hour, nowhere to go in the evenings, scruffy shops etc etc. Worth losing the garden for, imo but we have at least as much space in the flat as we did in the house so possibly not the best comparison for you.

diddl · 24/01/2011 09:57

I can´t think why anyone would want to bring children up in central London if they didn´t have to tbh.

lalalonglegs · 24/01/2011 09:59

Yeah, having children in central London is tantamount to child abuse. Call Social Services, quick Hmm.

ninedragons · 24/01/2011 10:02

We live in a city flat and I would say probably the one thing that makes it possible is being disciplined about stuff. DD has fewer toys than most kids, and I am ruthless about taking some to the charity shop to make room for new acquisitions.

I'd also take a 3BR flat in a good area over a 2BR flat in a great one. You do need just that little bit more space to stop you tripping over each other.

Upside is a very short commute so we see a lot more of each other than we otherwise would.

Any sort of amenity you can get is well worth it - I know flats in London tend to be older than where I am, but we have a garage (which we rent out to someone for quite a decent amount of money because he has some sort of carbon fibre car that can't possibly live on the street and we have a Toyota which can), a storage cage (invaluable for Christmas decorations, chest freezer) and a communal swimming pool and garden (fabulous - I never have to skim the pool, faff around with the chemicals or mow the lawn)

brightlightsandpromises · 24/01/2011 10:04

but lala, what you talk about ther is what YOU want, OMG having to WALK to the trainstation!! What about when your kids are older and want to play out with their friends? Will you be happy for them to do that in your area? You talk about no nightlife and scruffy shops, do your children care about that? No, just the adults. I am with diddl. London is not child friendly and if you don't have to live there, then don't! You don't have to SIT on the grass to enjoy it either. Its not childabuse, that is plain and simple ridiculous, but if you have a choice in life, surely it is to do what is best for your children and central london is not best and i think you know that

diddl · 24/01/2011 10:14

I think it depends on the reasons also.

Better schools for children, less commuting time so more family time...

OP-what is it that you miss or that you feel you can´t do now but could if you lived closer?

pinkdelight · 24/01/2011 10:18

I don't think it's selfish not to want to feel miserable living in the suburbs. It's nothing to do with the nightlife, just a sense of life going on. Some people don't need this, prefer to be away from it in fact, which is fine. But I know I would go nuts in a rural area, by the sea or even in a small city.

I abandoned plans to move away from London whilst pregnant with DS1 for similar reasons. We moved from Zone 2 to Zone 4 instead and managed to get a house with a garden in an okay area. I don't think we've shortchanged our kids. There's loads for kids to do in London, including lots of open spaces, and there's plenty of my mates have grown up happily here and especially appreciated it in their teens when country idylls aren't quite so appealing.

BarbieLovesKen · 24/01/2011 10:19

Oooh interesting thread. DH and I often spoke about this, as I always (thought?) I wanted to live in a big city.

I think that ship has sailed for us though, as we've kids now and think it would be unfair of us to up root them from their home, very close family, friends etc.. but it is a bit of a dream and something we havent completely ruled out for ourselves (we had ours quite young and will only be 43 and 45 when number 3 is 18 so the option is there when they are all grown, dont think we'd leave them though)

Anyway, Im always saying New York to ds which obviously is a wee bit over ambitious but as we're in Ireland, considered London for a bit after a trip there.

I think the culture shock for myself and dc would be unbelievable as we have been born and raised in the arsehole of nowhere - Shops? a 30 min drive either direction.

It would probably be really unfair on our DC to be honest so I'd probably apply the same advice to you - that said, I've no experience of raising children in London so Im not really equipped to comment. Its just antedoctal really - I know many who have moved "home" when they have had kids and have been told that the pollution (bad asthmatics in one family for e.g), the lack of space, the constant worrying (crime) isnt ideal when you have a small family (when you have another option). One woman told me that her 13 year old ds was really beginning to resent her when living in London as she was too afraid to give him any sort of freedom but once she moved to the country, they have a better realtionship as he can go play football with his friends etc.. without her worrying sick.

Yeah, ours is a bit of a dream. We've quite a large 4 bed house in the country with a (much too) huge garden, couple of dogs, small, excellent schools (8 in dds class) etc.. It would be very selfish

dinkystinky · 24/01/2011 10:20

If the schools are better where you are, I think I'd stay put to be honest OP. Especially with a DS as boys definitely do need to run around - we're lucky in that there are 2 play grounds near our rental flat (no outdoor space) but I do miss having a garden to let them run around outside in for half an hour while getting their dinner etc ready - cant do that in an upstairs flat.

SarfEasticated · 24/01/2011 10:22

God living in Central London with a small child is brilliant! Loads to do, no need to drive everywhere, big parks, I love it. So nice to walk to the Natural History Museum from Charing Cross through Hyde Park. I find that the further out you live you, the more you have to drive everywhere which is more expensive/unhealthy I reckon.
One point would be that if you could afford to live in NW london, you could probably get a much bigger place for the same price in SE London, so you wouldn't have to sacrifice living space.

figcake · 24/01/2011 10:24

London has some of the loveliest childrens' playgrounds/nature reserves/city farms in the world if you ask me, and they are usually free. You have to be 'in the know' and lived here a long time to know where to find some of them. And what about all the other activities such as our museums and walks along the Thames - plenty of exercise available there.

My friend lives in Somerset and her garden is smaller than mine. She is surrounded by fields except that they are all private land. Another lives in Kent and had to pay a fortune to go out for a walk with relatives at Port Lympne (not even going to see the animals).

BarbieLovesKen · 24/01/2011 10:26

You see thats a good point too - Sometimes I truely have nothing to do with the dc and how fabulous it would be if I could bring them somewhere like a museum or park etc.. within walking distance (I would be so much slimmer too Grin)

Watching with interest.

tattycoram · 24/01/2011 10:26

Interesting. We're in a good size two bed with no garden in central London and want to move for more space. IF we had a garden we might stay for longer, but it would be time limited because secondary schools here are pretty bad.

Don't underestimate how your children feel, my four year old DS comments on how small our 'house' is compared to his friends. We looked at a house last weekend and he was thrilled at it and very disappointed when we told him we wouldn't be moving there