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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think my sister is wrong?

52 replies

Grinandbareit · 23/01/2011 18:11

Hi everyone,this is my first post, hope you will be able to give me some advice.

I am a health professional, and over the years have told my family many entertaining stories about my work.I have one sister and we are very close, she was a drama teacher but has not worked since having her first child, financially her and her husband are very comfortable. My sister has often said that we should write a comedy based on my job, as she loves writing but I have never been interested in doing this . Imagine my surprise when just before Christmas my parents let slip that my sister has submitted a script to the BBC and it has passed the first stage.

I feel totally betrayed by this, I know from what my parents said that one of the characters is closely based on my best friend and colleague , and that she would be recognisable, also from a professional point of view I feel embarrassed by the way she is portraying my profession .... Neither my sister or myself have changed our name when we married and it is an unusual surname so I would be easily linked to it. I realise that it may come to nothing and not be commissioned, but I feel angry with my sister for not telling me. I have yet to confront her about this ( Christmas ect) any advice on this would be very welcome, thanks.

OP posts:

Blu · 23/01/2011 20:11

I honestly think you need to read it. And then talk to her. She probably does feel guilty as she has told your parents but not you. Read it, then talk to her realistically.

You can't be held to account for the general 'take' on your profession in a script by your sister.

NotAnotherNewNappy · 23/01/2011 20:19

YABU - You haven't read it, you have no idea how it portrays your profession or how closely your sister has based her character on your friend. Getting a script read by the BBC is a massive achievement, it doesn't matter how loaded she may be, this is a huge achievement on her part and you should wish her success. don't presume she has not told you out of any wish ot be sneaky, she have been wary of believing in her luck or worried you'd dismiss her ambitions.

If writers never based any of their work on actual life experiences then all we'd read about/see on TV would be sci fi (or Eastenders ). Calm down, call her, read the script - then decide if you think she has unfairly compromised you/your colleagues.

StuffingGoldBrass · 23/01/2011 20:24

It's not your own flapping tongue you're worried about at all, is it? You're stressed that your sister has written something that might portray you or your mates in an unflattering light.
Bear in mind that she is completely entitled to base her fictional characters on her own impressions of people you know, ask to check the script if you must if you really think there is something in there that could cause you professional difficulties, but otherwise get over yourself.

Original poster

Grinandbareit · 23/01/2011 20:30

First thanks for everyones advice and comments, I am very proud of my sister, think she is very talented and wish her every success in her career,however I have also worked very hard in my career, and I think people are not being very empathic if they cannot imagine a similar situation in their own professional life. Had my sister shown me the script beforehand it would not be so much of an issue, the point is she didn't.

OP posts:

brightlightsandpromises · 23/01/2011 21:02

um, well, you could be pleased for her!

Mumcentreplus · 23/01/2011 21:30

just talk to her..tell her your concerns..and that she should have said something..but you are sisters and you love each other so it's al good...

PaisleyLeaf · 23/01/2011 21:39

"As for my friend, well my sister has met her and has based her character on her personal impression of her,"

You should be okay then. You'll be in a position to tut and think it's all wrong like everyone else at work, if it ever gets broadcast.

KateEllis · 23/01/2011 21:47

why should she be pleased for her?! She went behind her back wrote a comedy about her life and sent it off to the BBC... I would be FURIOUS!

I don't see why people are accusing the OP of breaking confidentiality, there is a big difference between having a laugh with your family and breaching confidentiality codes.

OP- I am a doctor, a paediatrician specifically, I like you, and most of my colleagues have told my families funny anecdotes - who doesn't? You have to talk about you work to offload, it certainly is not compromising confidentiality if you don't mention names etc.
Just because you talk about your work life to your close family it doesn't mean you expect them to write a sitcom about it does it!!

I think your sister is VERY unreasonable to write about your career, especially as you say it is a comedy, surely there is enough things she could write about that does not offend her close family members

I think you need to talk to her and say quite firmly how you feel.
Good luck, and don't think you are unreasonable!

Original poster

Grinandbareit · 23/01/2011 21:59

Thanks KateEllis! At last someone who seems to understand! As for everyone who thinks my sister has done no wrong , hopefully they would have a similarly relaxed attitude if their siblings had written a sitcom based on their profession/family life without informing them

OP posts:

NancyDrewHasaClue · 23/01/2011 22:05

But OP you made it clear to her that you weren't interested in her ideas about writing a script, so it is a bit rich, having told her you didn't want to be involved with it, to then expect her to keep you up to date with what she was doing.

TheBeanGoose · 23/01/2011 22:12

I agree if someone wrote a comedy about my profession and friends I would be mad to especially if it was my sister not even confronting you before she sent it off!!! I mean I would not write something about my sisters friends who one has OCD and the other is 38 and is still living with her parents. It is also not such a huge achievement as you all make it out to be writing a script and sending it off to the BBC I mean if the have the time as you say she does not work then anyone can do it. If I were you then I would talk to her and tell her how you feel.;-)

TheBeanGoose · 23/01/2011 22:16

Yes well Nancy it is her life and profession that we are talking about she should have at least told her before she sent it of I don't think it is a bit 'RICH' at all

NancyDrewHasaClue · 23/01/2011 22:33

Unless the OP is the only person in the country doing the job she does within an incredibly niche profession a sitcom script is not going to identify her.

Looking at it from the sisters point of view she is a keen writer who (despite what you claim Thebeangoose) clearly has a talent and wanted her siters help to produce something. Her sister snubbed her, she went ahead anyway and has got past the first hurdle and now the sister wants to complain that she wasn't told about it??

Extraordinary.

TheBeanGoose · 23/01/2011 22:44

Nancy,nancy,nancy it does appear that you don't have a clue, I am not trying to suggest that her sister has no talent but just because it has been sent to the BBC by herself it does not mean that she is the next screenwrite of the century and should not go behind her back. As for the comment about her profession she may not be the only person who works as a health care professional she might have a recognizable friend.

DayShiftDoris · 23/01/2011 22:53

Nancy

She maybe one healthcare professional in a million but she has the same SURNAME as the script writer and the Nursing and Midwifery Council register is accessable ONLINE TO ALL to search.

Oh yes - not that hard to figure out where she got her material after all.

OP - if I was you I would start using my married name double quick AND talk to your sister. You need to read that script and if it's as bad as you fear I'd have a quiet chat with the union!

TheBeanGoose · 23/01/2011 22:59

To true even if you don't use your married name you should def have a word with your sister!

TechnoKitten · 24/01/2011 02:50

I'm a doctor and my sister is an author. And no way would she consider writing a medical sitcom without discussing it with me - partly to get medical flavour and to check basic facts, but also because she would think it wrong not to run it by me. It just would be!

OP, I sympathise. Your next step is to call your sister and ask if you can see the script. You won't know exactly how she's portrayed your colleague until you read what she's written (for example, your parents may recognize the character based on your stories but general members of the public may not).

If she has used any event from your anecdotes you need to clarify that there is nothing that can link this to your name to a patient (with an unusual name it will be easy to find out where in the country you are working). You also need to make sure there are no factual errors in her retelling of management of cases (unlike Casualty which get it wrong constantly and make me want to throw things at the screen).

She's not wrong to have written it, but she's wrong to let it go much further without your input.

onmyfeet · 24/01/2011 03:04

I'd be upset,and angry, that she did this without asking my permission. Did you have any idea she was actually writing this?
Speak to her right away, she may have the flu but people need to be responsible for what they do.
I would never want to tell her anything again if she cannot be trusted.

thumbdabwitch · 24/01/2011 03:11

YANBU to be cross and upset about it. If you think she is taking the piss out of your profession based on her assumptions about it from the stories you have told about your job, then that is disrespectful in itself. If she has based a character identifiably on someone she has met who you work with, then that is really a bit much - I would be tempted to find out who to speak to at the BBC to put a stop to any further movement of this script, but that is underhanded, would be a tit-for-tat manoueuvre and would immediately lose you the moral high ground.

So - talk to your sister FIRST - register with her how upset you are about the portrayal of your friend/colleague and your profession as a whole and see how she responds. If she's rather aghast, didn't mean to upset you etc., then she should get the script pulled herself. If, OTOH, she is dismissive of your concerns, tell her you'll be contacting the BBC yourself to try and get it stopped (just in case it does actually get approved).

NancyDrewHasaClue · 24/01/2011 09:46

I'm going to say it one last time and then I promise I shall give up

How has the sister gone behind the OP's back?

According to the OP the sister has often talked about writing such a comedy but the OP has never been interested. So presumably the sister just got on and did it. She has hardly made a secret of it.

OP I really think you are being oversensitive especially with comments regarding her embarassing your entire profession. FWIW I am a barrister. We are never portrayed accurately on TV or in books. I can't watch most legal/police dramas/comedies because they are always grossly inaccurate but I still think I would be quite proud if my sister produced a script based on my anecdotes of professional life.

In fact I did advise on a book once (legal chick lick type thing) - what was interesting was that actually all the authors anecdotes could also have been mine. Most people are not that exceptional.

PaisleyLeaf · 24/01/2011 09:50

Not on the same scale, but Christopher Robin never did forgive his father.

StuffingGoldBrass · 24/01/2011 15:05

Actually, the reason your sister didn't tell you in the first place is that you have 'never been interested'. And your post implies quite strongly that you think she's a silly fluffy bitch who should stick to housework.
Unless she's named you/your colleagues and given exact physical descriptions, you wouldn't have a legal leg to stand on if you tried to 'get it stopped'. You're a medic of some sort, not the head of MI5 so making a fuss makes you look like a self-important whanger.

NewbeeMummy · 24/01/2011 16:05

God - I hope you're not my HV and i hope none of your mums ever make the connection between your sister and themselves.

If it was me I would be incredibly upset that you discussed any of my personal issues outside of our visits and I would be putting a very serious complaint in.

You should know you work with information that is confidential, and that you should not discuss it, even with your family. If anyone is stupid and inconsiderate it's you not your sister

TheBeanGoose · 24/01/2011 19:17

Well Stuffing it is nice to know now! thank for shedding so much light on the subject as you clearly know so much about it!

p.s are you the head of MI5?

Litchick · 24/01/2011 19:23

The thing is, writers are always canabalising the life of others. It's what we do.

But it's almost never recognisable when it comes out the other end.

Ask to read it before you start panicking.

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