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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

both children or neither?

18 replies

macdoodle · 22/01/2011 20:58

Bloody XH again.
Its my sunday tomorrow, nice day planned, lazy morning (bath and hair), pancakes and ice skating, cooked dinner on return :)
He works away a lot and had said he may be going away monday, but as I hadnt heard from him assumed he didnt want to see them tomorrow.

He has just rung, his GF (long backstory, was the OW, they have a DD together who is 5 months older than my DD2, they are both 3, we have an elder DD my DD1 age9), they are together now. I have NO problem with this, she wanted him, she fought for him, she's welcome to the abusive, cheating shite. As long as she is kind to my girls and they are happy (and she is and they are), I am fine :)
She has a problem with me though!
Anyway, she has 4 preview tickets for Tangled tomorrow morning, he wants to take only DD1 Shock! So him and GF, their DD (same age as my DD2) and my DD1. Ummm and what about DD2 - she would love Tangled, and is bright enough to realise DD1 is going to dad without her :(:(

So I say no, you cant take DD1 esp not with their DD and leave DD2 out :( Its not fair. So I get a drunken barrage (as always), and he says well GF could take them all in by herself, but DD1 would have to look after DD2 and take her to toilet etc Shock I dont have a problem at all with GF taking them both by herself but WTF does DD1 have to be responsible for DD2. Can XH not wait in cafe outside and take DD2 if she needs to, can GF not take her and DD1 stay in movie with their DD. Why does he always make things so fecking complicated.

AIBU :(

OP posts:
castleonthehill · 22/01/2011 21:06

Why doesn't he take all the kids?

mumeeee · 22/01/2011 21:13

They only habe 4 tickets. So somebody has to miss out. If both your DD's went it would be silly and very unreasonable of you to espect you XH to wait outside in the cafe, Someone would still have to bring DD2 out to him.

NotAnotherNewNappy · 22/01/2011 21:15

What's Tangled? Is it a film/show? If so, YANBU - If that was that your question?!I would have done the same, it's both girls or neither. Your poor DD2 would have been upset otherwise and I don't think 9 is old enough to have responsibility for a 3 year old. Also, why couldn't she just take all three girls to the loo if one of them wanted to go?

Original poster
macdoodle · 22/01/2011 21:15

Someone has to miss out yes, one of the adults clearly, not one of the 3yr olds, not my 3yr old, clearly he doesnt consider her part of his nice little family Angry
Do they really need 2 adults for 2 children, one a very sensible 9yr old. Yes indeed why cant he take them, why is the toilet issue such a big deal (or just a convenient excuse),DD2 is excellently toilet trained, doesnt have accidents, is quite capable of going to the toilet before hand and not needing to go.

OP posts:
mamatomany · 22/01/2011 21:18

Say yes to DD1 looking after DD2 knowing full well that DD2 won't need any looking after then.

Original poster
macdoodle · 22/01/2011 21:18

Tangled is the new disney movie base don Rapunzel, they have been advertising it, DD2 wants to see it. TBH more likely suitable for the younger girls than the older.

It really shouldnt be an issue IMO, one of the adults takes them both, the toilet thing is a non issue IMO.

OP posts:
MsKLo · 22/01/2011 21:18

No you ANBU at all
He has two daughters with you two and should not leave either out. You are well shot of him as a partner it seems!

ChippingInSmellyCheeseFreak · 22/01/2011 21:19

Why not let them take DD2 and you and DD1 do something for 'big girls'?

It's a bit shit
He's a bit shit

There are reasons Ex's are Ex's!

But no, nothing wrong with saying both or neither!

StewieGriffinsMom · 22/01/2011 21:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
macdoodle · 22/01/2011 21:20

I just dont see the toilet thing as a proble, if either of the little girls needs the loo, GF takes both the littlies with her and leaves DD1 by herself (she is fine). If DD1 needs the loo she is more than able to take herself.
An excuse I think, fecking hate him.

OP posts:
deardot · 22/01/2011 21:23

his other daughter is 5 months older than your child? What a bastard. At least if you going to be a cheating shite then use a fucking condom.

He is being out of order, totally wrong and unfair on DD2, they can't just pick out who suits them.

YANBU

NotAnotherNewNappy · 22/01/2011 21:23

Just googled tangled. My DD (2.4yo) would love it so I can see why you're upset. Wierd that he would choose to not take your 3yo rather than your 9yo. Wierd they could not think a way round the toilet issue. Wierd they only had 4 tickets in the first place.

Have fun ice skating and eating pancakes instead Smile

ChasingSquirrels · 22/01/2011 21:24

toilet thing in a non-issue. 3yo and 9yo perfectly capable of continuing to sit in a cinema, watching a film, for the 2/3 mins it takes to pop other 3yo to the toilet.
You said GF is ok? Can you discuss this with her?

Original poster
macdoodle · 22/01/2011 21:24

No idea how they got them, probably won or got online, but why do both adults need to see a chidlren's movie when there are 3 children in the family.
DD1 will want to go with them, she adores her dad.

OP posts:
Original poster
macdoodle · 22/01/2011 21:26

Hmmm GF doesn't/won't speak to me, it was quite a nasty break up. I suspect she believes everything XH tells her, only way they can justify their behaviour towards me really.
I have moved on so far past him and her, I really dont care, I think she thinks I want him back not in this lifetime or the next!

OP posts:
Iwantscallops · 22/01/2011 21:31

Is he going to be driving them to the cinema tomorrow morning? If so, my concern would be if he is drunk now he may be unsafe to drive tomorrow.

Poor DD2. He could take the opportunity to have a few hours of quality time with her on her own if they can only get 4 tickets.

ChasingSquirrels · 22/01/2011 21:35

oh, and yes - he sounds particularly arsy, and no YANBU.

fluffygal · 22/01/2011 21:38

Thats awful, definitely NBU. Both or neither. Do you think the GF wants to leave out DD2 as she's a reminder that he was still banging you when she was the OW?

Well done for putting the past in the past, many wouldn't.

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