AIBU? You tell me.

[Mishy1234]

OK, I have posted before about DH's inability to tidy, empty the washing machine etc before. However, this goes FAR beyond that.

I am SO angry, so maybe IABU.

We are selling a buggy and someone had arranged to come round and see it this evening. I have had a nightmare week with a toddler & baby and went to lie down/feed baby when we returned from shopping. The livingroom was a mess. DS1 had been playing tractors on the coffee table, which involves piling every piece of detritus he can find (clothes etc) and piling it onto the top of the table. I had assumed that DH would tidy up a bit before inviting strangers into our home. Not so. After they had left I went through and it was still like a bomb had hit it. I am SO ashamed. I'm not house proud, but FFS even I would have made an effort.

I am really angry with DH. He knows how knackered I am. I just feel I'm completely on my own. I can't rely on him at all! I know it doesn't seem like much but I'm so overwhelmed atm and feel so unsupported, not to mention ashamed that his standards are apparently so low. I'm amazed those people actually bought the buggy.

So. AIBU?

YABU

they came to look at the buggy, not your house.. if they have kids, then they are probably just as used to the chaos..

Stop worrying about it.

YABU

YANBU. However, I have found that when it comes to men and cleaning, it is best not to assume anything, and give them a direct command ie: "Can you just pick those bits up while I go upstairs and feed DC?" Also, never ever imply that whilst feeding baby you are having a rest! Reward the good behaviour with lots of "Oh, thank you soooo much, that's amazing, it looks lovely." and ignore the bad if you can. Supernanny his ass! As I am in a similair situation, I feel you, sister. It's awful.

YANBU but you know that big flappy space between your nose and your chin?... if you want someone to tidy up while you have a lie down then use it. Tell them. Used to be known as 'nagging' but some people have no clue otherwise.

YABU as who cares what a stranger collecting a buggy thinks of your house? and as they presumably have childrne too, they undersatnd

save your anger for something worth being angry about

does DH usually tidy up? why assume he would in this instance. ifyswim/

Oh. I must be a monster bitch! but i think it's made worse when it's happening all.the.time.

YANBU IMO. I'm not house proud either but I'd prefer it if my house didn't look like a bombsite when there are people visiting (although it frequently does).

I'm sorry, but I DO care if someone comes into my home and it looks like a bomb site. Especially if they are strangers. What does that say about me? Not sure really, bit that's the truth.

OK, maybe I should have remembered amongst everything else I'm doing, plus sleep depravation etc that I need to project manage my own husband to do the obvious.

I DO appreciate and take on board your comments though. Maybe I shouldn't care/be angry, but I am.

Christ, I sound neurotic!

if you care that muchc then you need to either do it yourself or tell your DH to do it

or perhaps unclench a little, if you are havinga rough time, jhousework can wait

I wouldn't like it if my house was very messy when people came round. I think though that you have to give your husband specific instructions, since he clearly cannot think of things on his own. It's a sad state of affairs though that so many women have to treat their husbands like additional children in order to get them to pull their weight!

Housework, with a small baby, is an unnecessary stress. The sooner you realize this, the happier you'll be.

I don't agree that you have to manage your husband. But he's not a mind reader. Try talking to him!

Y A Probably BU, but I would be (am )exactly the same !

YABU. His job was to sell the buggy, he sold the buggy. He probably thought you'd be well chuffed when you got up and saw it was gone.

I know what you mean about project managing your husband, but IMHO it's the only way most men can make an active contribution to housework. They just don't see the same things we do when we look at a room, i.e. that this or that is out of place and there's a layer of dust on top of the skirting. That's why we have the saying 'a woman's work is never done', because everywhere we look we see work whereas they just don't notice it.

Two years ago I had the same problem with my DH. I made a rota, stuck it up on the wall. Pointed out when DH didn't do things, and refused to do them myself. Caused lots of stress and rows. Finally we got a cleaner, it improved our marriage no end. Just 2 hrs a week, it costs us £8 per hour - less than a take away or a few bottles of wine a week but it makes me much happier [smile}

I think I sadly go for the YABU because you didn't tell him he had to tidy up. And I know he should be able to spot it/ think people coming round = clear surfaces. But sounds like he suffers from the same problem as my DP in being blind at household chores and unable to think domestically for himself.

I have found nagging isn't currently working. Sending him a text has so far provided excellent results.

Oh we also opted to get a cleaner.

OK. IABU.

Seriously though. Do all men really not see what needs to be done? Surely not. What about men who live alone? Do they live in homes like flea pits?

I do see your point, I really do. BUT, is this really the case or are men just using it to avoid doing anything off their own bat?

Sorry, but all this "men just don't see what needs to be done" is rubbish. They know what needs to be done, but if it's normally done for them or they're don't do it to our standard, then don't expect them to be telepathic. My DH may not be as thorough as me, but he certainly sees that there is mess that needs clearing. To the OP YNBU to expect him to clear up a bit for people coming round. It's common sense.

What cat64 said, and it's not just men, my DP goes into cleaning frenzy when we are having people round as he is ashamed of our slum home!

I once went to collect a buggy I'd bought on eBay and the woman was in her skimpy PJs - a bit of mess on the table would have been a welcome distraction!