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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think DH may be right after all?

12 replies

ByTheSea · 22/01/2011 13:42

MIL has been horrid to me for years. I have taken it personally, although have come round to realise that it is not my fault, I have tried my best to be a good DIL, and it is her problem. I have good relationships with others, don't tend to fall out with people and she does.

Anyway, DH has been telling me that she really isn't of 'right mind' for ages. I think I finally believe him. He told me the other day that he had a conversation with her where she asked him to promise that, if she died, he would cuddle her dog and get a vet to put her dog down while he did this, as "noone could possibly love and look after the dog as well as she does." Hmm

This is not how a sane person thinks, is it? DH really is right, isn't he?

BTW, of course, between BIL and us, we would make sure the dog was well looked after if something happened to MIL.

OP posts:
GloriaSmut · 22/01/2011 13:44

Hmmmm. She sounds like a cow but actually, her request isn't necessarily the product of an "unright" mind. Quite a lot of people fear for the pets that they might leave behind when they die and I have heard of similar requests from people who are, in all other respects, of quite sound minds.

Vallhala · 22/01/2011 13:47

Jesus, that's just not right. I love and adore my dogs and am well known for my very pro dog outlook - all I can see in your MILs attitude is cruelty, not kindness. Why would any sane person want a healthy dog killed?

I have everything arranged for my dogs should I die - they will go to a good friend who runs a rescue and will protect them for life whether he finds a suitable home for them or whether they live with him. No, he won't love them anywhere near as much as I do - but he will love them nonetheless and will ensure they are safe, fed, cared for and fussed over.

DH is right.

FreudianSlipIntoMyLaptop · 22/01/2011 13:51

Good grief Confused

I've seen ads for some scheme (possibly via RSPCA?) that guarantees a home for your pet if you die. Worth looking into?

babypickles · 22/01/2011 13:53

What a bizzare thing to say. What did you DH say in return to that? I wonder if she is wanting a joint funeral?

What if the dog goes first does she want smothering with a pillow?

Original poster
ByTheSea · 22/01/2011 13:57

DH said he didn't think it would be legal and no vet would do it anyway. He found it worrying that she would think this, but he finds lots of things she says worrying.

OP posts:
PlasticLentilWeaver · 22/01/2011 14:10

It's perfectly legal. Healthy dogs are regularly put down when rescue centres can't find homes for them. If no family/friends could have them, then which is better - potentially months in a kennel, having been in a loving home, or a quiet death?

I'm by no means saying its the ideal situation, but euthanasia in itself is not a cruel act.

But then, my grandmother made a similar request about her dogs about 25 years ago, and my aunt and father did as she requested as neither of them were in a position to take on her elderly dogs, and couldn't find anywhere else for them to go.

Vallhala · 22/01/2011 14:14

Sadly, ByTheSea, it's a fact that killing a healthy dog is perfectly legal and many vets do it on a daily basis. The human doctor's oath "first do no harm" doesn't apply to vets.

The RSPCA are no exception and kill thousands of helthy dogs per year. Despite their adverts where they aim to add bequests to their already existing £119 million pounds in the bank, I would have no faith in their promises to care for a dog and not to kill him if I died - their small print and what they don't admit to is horrific. I would advise instead that MIL got in touch with The Cinnamon Trust

Val - dog rescuer.

Original poster
ByTheSea · 22/01/2011 14:14

We would look after the dog if anything happened to her. So would BIL. Or we would find a home. He is a nice little dog, and not very old, and even if we couldn't take him, I'm sure a home would be found.

OP posts:
Vallhala · 22/01/2011 14:18

Plastic, whether you can find a place to take the dog depends as much as anything on your willingness to go all out to try and partially on occasion to what and who you know. I place dogs in rescue and those potential months in kennels you speak of are IMHO far preferable to killing an animal. To do that is deplorable.

Many independent rescues work on a foster home basis anyway so there is no reason at all why a dog need, if the rescue were carefully selected, to go into kennels at all.

PlasticLentilWeaver · 22/01/2011 15:27

We'll have to disagree then, as I think it is much more cruel to put a dog into a kennel for months or years on end after having been in a loving home than it is to have it euthanased. A foster home is very different, but there aren't enough foster homes available for all dogs needing a place.

It also depends on the dog(s) - if the dog is old and/or sick, then it is unlikely to be easily rehomed.

ILoveItWhenYouCallMeBoo · 22/01/2011 15:31

an ex colleague has asked her DH to arrange for this if she was ever to die while her dog was still alive. i can understand where she is coming form as the dog has never known another owner and is getting old now so to be without her would be extremely traumatic but my rationale brain tells me that her husband will never do this and that he would lay down his life before letting the dog go elsewhere.

Ladyofthehousespeaking · 22/01/2011 15:31

Your poor dh, that doesn't sound right at all..she obviously has massive/trust cotrol issues. It's probably why she's nasty to you- she thinks No one can love him like she does

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