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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think babywearing can maybe go a bit far when it leads you to...

59 replies

Buyanewcoatofmanycolours · 21/01/2011 17:23

wear a really dull coat forever?

Now I am a fan in general of baby wearing. Really enjoyed slinging my three all over the place but there is a mum who lives near me and I've noticed something about her attire which troubles me.

She has three boys and they look about two years apart each. In the time I've seen her at school she's just had the baby in the sling - now a fairly big toddler - but assuming she did the same with the others she must have been continuously carrying her sons for about 6 years - and wearing maternity gear too for 27 months of that time!
So that's all great but in the spring she wears a fleece sleeveless tabard which has a hole for the babies head and covers both of them and in the winter she wears the dullest coat I've ever seen which has zips fitted for access to the baby/sling. It just makes me rather depressed to think that she's been wearing this tbh hideous garment for so long. I don't get why she doesn't wear something - anything else - and put the baby on over that? Is that what other people do - I certainly did.

I know this is breathtakingly shallow of me but our clothes are a big part of our sense of self and I just fret a bit about somebody whose sense of self is so subjugated to their child.

AIBU (as well as nosy and with too muc time on my hands Grin)

OP posts:
MavisG · 21/01/2011 18:18

If you did gnaw your own arm off, it could help you fit both yourself and your baby into your coat. Y'know, when you're babywearing.

MoonUnitAlpha · 21/01/2011 18:20

I had no idea there were interesting coats. Mine must be dull.

KangarooCaught · 21/01/2011 18:21

My ergo arrived today [stupidly excited] but the 'babywearing' DVD including kitchen kung fu kicking dad with toddler on his back had me slightly afraid.

Maisiethemorningsidecat · 21/01/2011 18:25

I now longer carry any of my babies in a sling - all 3 of them are too big.

From now on, when you find yourself talking about babywearing and other women's coats in the same conversation, flick your own forehead and say "STOP" in a big loud voice

Babywearing indeed

Maisiethemorningsidecat · 21/01/2011 18:25

no longer even

TattyDevine · 21/01/2011 18:26

Are you comfy? tick
Are you warm? tick
Do you feel good about yourself (whether it is a fashion coat or a beige fleece) tick

Just wear that, then.

SmethwickBelle · 21/01/2011 18:47

You never know, she could be like me, I take a perverse pleasure in dressing for comfort and practicality when I am toddler/baby grappling.

After both children I ordered new pants two sizes too big in preparation for this period of utter indulgence in function not form.

I seem to come out of this after about 2 years I was just putting make up on again when I got pregnant with DS1, and again now I was thinking of perhaps buying some new bits.

Or she may be skint. Or maybe that coat/tabard really really work and she hasn't found anything better.

SmethwickBelle · 21/01/2011 18:47

Sorry - should say DS2 I got pregnant with...

cat64 · 21/01/2011 19:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

TandB · 21/01/2011 19:26

Do you not have enough going on in your own life without worrying what some random woman wears to keep warm while carrying her children?

Perhaps think about minding your own business and letting her mind hers?

Maisiethemorningsidecat · 21/01/2011 20:11

not carrying her children, wearing them Hmm Grin

domesticslattern · 21/01/2011 20:53

Hmm Biscuit

MamaVoo · 21/01/2011 21:11

Good god, I leave the house most days looking like some sort of bag lady. I take comfort in two things, 1) I know I scrub up ok, and 2) No one will really notice or care. This poor woman is probably the same.

missyfafa · 21/01/2011 21:27

Could be one of those specially designed breastfeeding 'modesty' garments, very big in America where you get sent to hell if anyone catches a glimpse of your titties.

mawbroon · 21/01/2011 21:48

Yes, like you say, breathtakingly shallow.

I have a similar sounding coat which I've been wearing for 3.5yrs now and will probably wear for another couple of years until ds2 is big enough to walk, and don't give a flying fuck about what others think of it.

She probably doesn't either.

mumeeee · 21/01/2011 21:58

YABU, What she chooses to wear is up to her. She might not be able to afford to buy anything else and she actually might like the coat.

cheesesarnie · 21/01/2011 22:00

op why does it matter?

ElusiveMoose · 21/01/2011 22:13

You actually thought about giving her a Boden voucher Shock? I mean, I know you're sort of being flippant, but it still sounds like you think this gesture would in theory be cute/kind rather than astonishingly patronising.

And, as for subjugating her 'personality' to her children, did it ever occur to you that the reason she is wearing 'functional' clothes might have nothing to do with the fact that she has children? I'm not saying I don't care in the slightest about what I wear, but I'm definitely a pretty functional dresser, and have been ever since I was about 18. I honestly, honestly don't feel that clothes are 'a big part of my sense of self'.

GandTiceandaslice · 21/01/2011 22:15

you shallow cow.

PlanetLizard · 21/01/2011 22:23

YABU. Some people are just not interested in clothes. And why should they be, just because you are?

misdee · 21/01/2011 22:29

YABU

i own one of these coats with zips and inserts etc (am guessing its a suse kindercoat btw).

i only wear it when its frightfully cold as it has plenty of room underneath for my baby/toddler, plus my big jumpers/cardies, and scarves, plus means ds and dd4 are warm as well. also as ds tends to fall asleep in the sling it means i can go home, take the coat off, and not have to wake him, whilst i get on with my jobs that need doing whilst he carries on sleeping snuggled in the sling.

in the summer months though, or even spring, i do ditch the coat and wear my normal coat unbuttoned, or a warmer top under the slings.

ElusiveMoose · 21/01/2011 22:32

(Oh, and incidentally, I've never had a problem just doing up my normal fleece around the sling. The baby's feet poke out, but I just put an extra pair of socks on him. Maybe I buy my fleeces too big Hmm?)

TruthSweet · 21/01/2011 22:38

I sling DD3 in a ring sling and zip up my Trespass (knock off of the Merrell coats everyone raved about on S&B) over the top. I can get the zip up and over DD3's shoulders so only her head peeps out.

Well, at least I could until she put on 3lbs in as many monthsHmm so now it only does up to her mid back. Still very warm for her and she does like it - my back doesn't though.

I'm sure some of the more fabulously dressed mothers at DD1's school or DD2's playschool think I'm drab but then I have 3 children 4 and under. So it's tough luck on the high heels and lipstick as it's not good 'mothering' to smear make up all over my baby's head and twist my ankle in teetering heels Wink. I'm sure DD3 gets enough make up smeared on her during one DD1's dressing up sessions to compensate Grin

mawbroon · 21/01/2011 22:39

misdee, do you do one on the front and one on the back?

I have yet to see anyone else (other than my sis) with a Kindercoat.

ChippingInSmellyCheeseFreak · 21/01/2011 23:26

buyanewcoatofmanycolours - if the only reason you have for posting this under a 'thread' name is to protect your 'location' do feel free to PM your usual user name - I wont out you, but I would like to update my spreadsheet.