H is on a dating site

[shockedandconfused]

Have name changed for this.

H and I are separating at the end of Feb.

After getting a text from a friend I found him on a dating site.

AIBU to think he could of least waited till DC and I had gone before he found another mug someone else.

YABU

If you've decided to separate then you've decided to separate. I don't see how you can say "we'll separate end of next month" - it's not the kind of thing you schedule in, is it?

So, in his eyes, you're already separated.

that is awfully fast though? you think a month or 6 at least before trying to rebound meet someone new

yanbu but for your own sake accept it and move on as best you can. Its time to think of the children and yourself.

Tigurr- Its end of Feb due to commitments and we're going too far to just pop back IYKWIM.

deardot- I don't actually feel anything tbh,
sad for DC but not upset for myself. I just thought he might try to spend as much time with DC as possible before we go.
Obviously he has other priorities.

I would feel the same as you but I remember having a conversation with DH about a couple we were friends with, they were engaged and split. Within 2 weeks he was dating again. I thought this was seriously weird. DH just shrugged and said he totally got it and thought it was a reasonable way to get over the break up!
Think this is a men are from mars, women from Venus situation.

I'm no expert and have no stats to back this up, but from the separations and divorces I've observed through friends and families, the blokes just cannot seem to be on their own for long at all. My Father had a new girlfriend 5 weeks after separating from my Mum after a 40 year marriage!

Maybe they have poor self esteem and need a woman to prove they are worth something?

YANBU in MHO, but agree with Kent and HBBB. You forget it and move on, girl. what can you do about it anyway? Good luck.

Get on there yourself if you can find the energy!

I think the men function differently (or not at all) unless they have some kind of displacement activity to help them ignore the truth and the pain of the given situation.

I think YABU. When I was separating from my ex-husband, he was also objecting to me seeing other men (actually my future DH :) ), despite the fact that I kicked him out after finding out about his affair. And why are you sad for DC? Or are you going to become a nun and live in a convent? Life does not end with a divorce, you know.

It's natural to feel a bit

BTW...have you checked the date of the commencement of his membership ?

All these very quick "new" relationships/new pastimes would make me very suspicious, tbh

It does sound fast to me but depends on why the break up.If the love has not been there for a long time he may just be looking for affection (not saying it is right though)

Just trying to see it from both sides.I just think though as long as he does not end up hurting your dc and keeps them out of it, then there is nothing really you can do.

But I do not think YABU to feel the way you do, it is natural to protect your children and that is what it sounds like your doing.

Hope it ends out all ok for you all.

It depends when you feel your marriage broke down. If you've not really been in a proper relationship although living together for years, then in a sense he may have had a 3 - 5 year break anyway but whilst cohabiting in the same house. Also he looking for a new person doesn't mean he doesn't like his children any more than if you cleaned the floor or cut the grass means you don't want to spend time with your children.

Gissabreak, I could write your post! My ex also got a girlfriend that was/is very jealous of me and completely nuts. At one point she tried to balckmail me and demanded money to let my ex sign the divorce papers (she knew I was planning to get married to my new DH ASAP). And you are so right about laughing about it all now.

blackmail , Grr

Darling,get everyone and I mean everyone you know to join and make a date....but not turn up!!!! That will sort him out,you are well rid,I know you dont see it at the moment but in time..... remember God gave man a p*is and a brain but not enough of a blood flow to make them both work at the same time.Best of luck to you for YOUR future. Karen x

Honestly OP don't waste your time or energy on this or over thinking it, in my experience it gets you nothing but a migraine.

I read a comment someone else made on a different thread about how a man can split with the "love of their life" one day and then be dating someone else the next. It seems to be true and I've tried to work it out but just come to the conclusion that my way of thinking or acting just cannot be applied to my Ex.

I do totally get where you're coming from though and even though I didn't/don't care that much about what he does, this does irk me somewhat. I think in my case though it's more the constant assertion that I am still the love of his life, he wants to try again, blah, blah, bloody blah, whilst he spends HOURS on these sites trying to find my replacement. I often wonder if instead of us splitting up and I had died then he'd have had someone else warming my side of the bed and doing the school run before I'd even had my funeral

I can see why you would be hurt by this but just think if he is a useless husband you are going to be free of him soon and when you are ready you are going to find someone fab to share your life with if that is what you want , if you are happpy being by yourself for a while then that is great to , its win win for you you are getting rid of a man who is no good for you and are now free to find the happiness you desrve , good luck

If you have already decided to seperate like you say you have then you have no say in anything he says or does - its none of your business any more than your business is his. Move on.