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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

in thinking dd1 at age 11 can go with 2 or 3 friends to the cinema on their own?

25 replies

misdee · 20/01/2011 18:44

the other thread has now got me worried.

dd1 is 11 soon. she wants to do soemthing with her friends. I have suggested they go to the cinema and watch a film. i'd be taking them there, sorting out their tickets, giving them cash for snacks, but leaving them at the cinema for the film. i will then go across to the other side of the shopping centre to do a bit of shopping and have a quiet coffee on my sort-of-own (will have little ds with me, but he will be 8 weeks old by then).

dd1 will have a mobile with her, and would call me when the film is over. I would then meet them and bring them here to be collected by their parents/walk home (whatever their parents prefer)

will be an afternoon screening.

will check with the other parents as well.

aibu?

OP posts:

Choufleur · 20/01/2011 18:45

YANBU. Do people really not let their 11 year olds do stuff like that?

lalalonglegs · 20/01/2011 18:47

It sounds lovely. I hope your daughter and friends enjoy themselves.

herbietea · 20/01/2011 18:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

MrsGuyOfGisbourne · 20/01/2011 18:48

YANBU - in fact I would say you are being over-cautious! Can they really not get a bus there and buy the tickets themselves?

Eglu · 20/01/2011 18:49

YANBU. That sounds perfectly reasonable. You are not talking about them taking a bust 20 miles by themselves nad getting own tickets etc.

RhinestoneCowgirl · 20/01/2011 18:51

I used to love going to the cinema (and walking into town) with my mates at that age. Felt really independent. Sounds fine to me...

Original poster

misdee · 20/01/2011 18:52

unfortunatly, where we live there is no bus directly there. they would need to walk either into the local town and get a bus from there to the next town. or walk to the edge of this town and get one. its a total PITA as the buses dont run from here to there at the weekends directly, only mo-fri for the student population.

the other option is a train to a cinema further away but i am not that brave [yet]

i'd probably be booking the tickets online, and there is no way i am handing the cashcard and pin over to dd1 lol. she would forget the pin anyway lol.

OP posts:

GrimmaTheNome · 20/01/2011 18:58

Sounds like a good plan if you can combine it with some shopping yourself.

I think I need to do something like this for my DDs impending 12th birthday (though she may want me and/or DH to come) - are there any decent films on at the mo for this age, what are you planning on taking her to if you don't mind me asking?

Original poster

misdee · 20/01/2011 19:01

not sure yet, i think they have outgrown the disney stuff now. its not for another few weeks, so will see whats out then.

OP posts:

bigTillyMint · 20/01/2011 19:04

YANBU! DD and many other 11+ children I know have done this many times!

Infact, DD and friend have walked to the cinema and bought their tickets on their own too - the joys of living in a big city

joydivisionovengloves · 20/01/2011 19:06

YANBU. 11 year olds need a bit of independence.

Zippylovesgeorge · 20/01/2011 19:08

Mine would have done that at that age. In fact they'd have walked into town and bought their own tickets as well.

Such a relief when they were able to go by themselves - saved me watching some god awful films.

Janeyx · 20/01/2011 19:10

I am glad to see this chat. My 12 year old son has asked to be left at the cinema with 3 of his friends for his 13th Birthday. I will definitely let him now!

LisaD1 · 20/01/2011 19:11

YANBU - I think it's important to start to allow a little independence (although I struggle to give too much!), MY DD1 is 11 next month and from September this year will have to get the bus to/from school. I have to let her start to do things or how on earth will she be able to manage the school journey?

I think your DD and her friends will have a fab time and enjoy the freedom/responsibility.

amberleaf · 20/01/2011 19:13

As long as you check with the other parents then YANBU

bellavita · 20/01/2011 19:15

Blimey misdee, of course you must let them do it. We have a little cinema in the middle of town which is perfect. I just paid them in and got their drinks and sweets, then did some shopping, had a coffee...

bigTillyMint · 20/01/2011 19:17

zippy you are so right

5Foot5 · 20/01/2011 19:20

YANBU. I have not seen the thread that made you think it would not be?

finallyfree · 20/01/2011 20:55

5foot5 i think the thread is entitles aibu 10 year old left to watch film at a birthday party or something like that.

misdee YANBU my DD is 12 and walks to local shopping centre, cinema and swimming pool with her friends (it's 10 min walk) if she goes to town cinema with her friends she gets the bus. She has her phone so no problem LET YOUR DD GO

bluejeans · 20/01/2011 21:02

YANBU

Recently we have allowed my nearly 11 year old DD to either go swimming or to the cinema with 1 or 2 friends, then go to McDonalds and have a quick look around the shops. We (or another parent) always drop off/pick up (too far to walk) and they have their phones with them. It's been fine and DD loves the independence.

The only thing is I'm not keen on them being at the shops for too long - I don't want them 'hanging around' but am ok with them going to, say, Claire's and another couple of shops to look for specific things/spend pocket money etc

ModreB · 20/01/2011 21:08

YANBU. My 11 yo DS goes to the cineman on the bus with 2 or 3 of his friends, male and female.

Sidge · 20/01/2011 21:15

YANBU.

My DD1 is now 12 but since about 11, 11.5 has been to the cinema with a friend.

I tend to drop them off outside (there is a car park right outside the cinema) and let them get their own tickets and popcorn, and then pick them up afterwards in the same place.

They both have their phones, they don't go late in the day when it's dark and I tend to only give them half an hour or so after the film if they want it as I don't want them wandering around for hours.

They are sensible girls, and I figure that they have to gradually acquire some independence in a semi-controlled fashion.

skirt · 20/01/2011 21:18

of course YANBU, that's eminently sensible and a little bit over cautious, I think

sunnydelight · 20/01/2011 21:25

YANBU, kids need to learn independence as much as other skills and what you describe sounds like a good first step. DS2 had a friend over yesterday who was horrified when I suggested himself and DS2 (both 12) take the dog for a walk. DS2 and his 7 yo sister walk the dog daily, basically to the end of a cul de sac at the bottom of our lane and back which takes about ten minutes. After I had got 20 questions mainly centering on why I wasn't going with them it was clear that he wasn't comfortable being out without an adult so of course I said leave it. The same child will continue to be driven to school and back every day next year even though he is going into high school and there is a bus (miles away so walking not an option). Caution is good but fear can be paralysing.

fishtankneedscleaning · 20/01/2011 21:27

YANBU. Children of this age need some independence and provided you will be dropping them off and collecting them (in the abscence of suitable public transport) I am sure she will be fine with her friends.

After all the risk of something untoward happening to a group of girls in a cinema is virtually nil.

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