Ok I know this has been done to death here BUT

[fannyfoghorn]

Mother of child in my son's class - did you REALLY have to give out your DD's party invitations to all and sundry (including the other child I take to school)in the line just before school? DS has only started school and was very upset. He then started opening an imaginary invitation and pretending he really had been invited and went sadly into class.

Yes, yes I know this is the real world and he can't be invited to everything, nor should he be, but let's face it - even at our age being left out still sucks and he is only 5. He probably won't be invited to many things as he is eccentric and nerdy

AIBU to imagine kicking that mother up the arse? I can't help it - it set him up for a crap start to his day. GRR!

Where/when could she hand out invitations?

I asked a friend of mine who is a primary school teacher. She says to give them to the teacher and they can be put in their drawers to be taken home in their school bags.

She could have got the teacher to put them in the other childrens bags, but i guess he still would have been upset, as the other children will be talking about it and he will know hes not invited

Just explain to him that he is new and once he gets to know the other children he will be invited to some things

i wouldnt be labelling him as eccentic and nerdy at 5, you will give him a complex

Giving them to the teacher to put in book bags would have been much better.

Which sounds ideal but then the children all start getting them out of their bags as soon as the are out of the door so you end up in the same situation really - plus of course they will talk about it in school.

There is no real way to hide people being left out in party invites and yes her approach was not great but your ds would have found out some time and still been upset about it. It is a fact of life - of course that does not mean we have to like it! My ds gets invited to max one party a year as he is not a "mainstream" kind of kid, it upsets him and I do feel very mummy lion about it - but I cannot force them to invite him!

And don't worry, OP. I'm sure that your DS is lovely and will have many invites in the future.

Need you be so negative about his prospects though? Lots of us love eccentric nerds :) especially at parties; better than the he-man wreckers imo.

Well it was all the children around him as far as I could see. I know objectively what she did was fine but as a mum it is very hard to see your child being hurt at being excluded (tigress emoticon)

If your son has only just started then he wont really have had time to make lots of friends yet.
The birthday child may have been in school since September and has simply invited all the children that started at the same time and have become friends.
Unless they invited everyone except your son then its just life and to be expected tbh
I say this as a parent of a 5yo with AS who NEVER gets invited to ANY parties btw so I do know how you feel

Not sure what the answer to this is, but wanted to send sympathy, as a fellow mother to eccentric and nerdy ds who often misses out on invitations.

Thanks. I'm not being negative really. He's a great kid. Very positive, friendly and bright. It's just that he isn't in with the 'football crowd' and that leaves him and a couple of other boys in his class. I'm assuming that girls tend to invite more girls to their parties? This is all new to me.

Fanny - some teachers will and some wont.

It's not very nice for him and she probably would have been better handing them out at home time as they come out of class really, but maybe she only does drop offs and not pick ups?

I think it's an unavoidable part of school life sadly.

He may well be eccentric and nerdy now - but it doesn't mean he will always be or that he wont have other like minded friends. It is always sad when your child isn't 'average' because you know their life is going to be that much more difficult.

And, yeah, I know it's just life but sometimes LIFE SUCKS!!!

Nah. You're not being unreasonable because its shitty to see your kids feeling like that. She's probably not BU either though.

Yes that is a good point Beertrickspotter. I will try to think of it like that.

Heartfelt response to this as Mum of ds1 with AS who got invited to less than 5 parties while in KS2.

Please give out invites at the end of the day, yes he will still notice, but he is coming home and being surrounded by the invites is only a matter of minutes rather than the whole school day.

Hopefully OP your child will be invited next time

I love eccentric, nerdy people. There are so many in the UK. I'm hoping my son will turn out to be a Great British Eccentric but so far he's handsome and good at sports.

He's a great dissapointment to me...

OP YANBU, there's gotta be a better way.

yanbu. btdt.

OP DS1 has only ever been invited to ONE party he too is eccentric and nerdy actually no he is lovely and he is himself. He has his little quirks

I have taught him to be the bigger person though because every year (when he was in primary) we had a party and invited his whole class.

I agree as the mother of a boy who rarely gets any invites it is gut-wrenching. However, my daughter is having a party on sat and was desperate to hand them out herself as soon as she saw her friends. I would have liked her to give them to the teacher as I can't have the whole class in my house and don't want any of her classmates to feel bad, but she is very strong-willed and I couldn't wrench them from her hands, try as I might, as she ran away from me!

I quite like eccentric & nerdy - he'd be invited to our party