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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

flipping school run

42 replies

2blessed2bstressed · 18/01/2011 09:46

share with a neighbour whose dd is couple of years below ds2.
Her turn yesterday - late. ds twitchy. Her turn today - v late. ds "I'm going to get in trouble mum".
We were in the car, getting ready to go when she appeared.
Apparently she's having trouble sleeping so can I take the kids for the rest of the week?
This is starting to be a regular thing, it somehow always ends up that I'm doing 3 mornings and she's doing 2, except there's something pretty much every week that means I do 4, if not the whole week.
She's a sahm too, and her dp doesn't work, and they have 2 cars, so how come it's always me? Am getting a bit grumpy, but how do I sort it?

OP posts:

Original poster

2blessed2bstressed · 18/01/2011 12:10

Nope, she's usually not ready. The SleepFairy, that sounds like an idea, so long as they don't twig that I'm asking her dd to walk up the road to my house, so that I can drive her back down the road past her house on the way to school!
It's not that I mind helping out exactly - just that it was never put across as me helping them out, it was supposed to be sharing the school run, so that 2 cars weren't going off more or less in convoy every morning.
Would be so much easier if I didn't have to drive directly past their house - it just seems petty if I don't take her dd, but purple is right, I'm feeling resentful already! I must be a right beeyatch

OP posts:

altinkum · 18/01/2011 12:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

eaglewings · 18/01/2011 12:21

Not read every post fully but there seems to be more going on in her home than not sleeping. Why do you never see her dp? This is unusual, perhaps he has ill health or other problems.

In life we give to some and others give to us, it is not always a straight 50 50 swap.

Your MN name OP is great, a good mantra to have and she may be crying out for someone to help her by taking her kid to school, it could be making a huge difference to her.

Saying that, don't let it impact too negatively on your life. Hopefully your reward will come soon

Original poster

2blessed2bstressed · 18/01/2011 12:23

eaglewings - stop trying to get round me by being so nice!!
We do see her DP, we just never see him doing anything.

OP posts:

thehairybabysmum · 18/01/2011 12:30

What chippingin says....basically i wouldnt mind taking the DD everyday as long as ready.

I would just say that your ds worried about being late, you will drive past her house at xx:xx time every day so no bother to take her dd as long as she is stood outside on the pavement ready to get into the car as you go by...i.e. it will not inconvinience you in any way really.

If her dd not ready and visible then you wont be stopping and defo wont be waiting! I reckon it wont take long for her to realise that you are serious and also it is easier to get her dd ready on time than take her herself IYSWIM.

Personally i wouldnt worry about her returning the favour if you are happy to go to the school with your ds anyway.

monkeyflippers · 18/01/2011 13:02

I think you should do what thehairybabysmum said.

Ds worried about being late so will take her DC if ready on time. That way you are not being too harsh, are offering to help but not compromising you dc too much.

HuckingFell · 18/01/2011 13:10

Could she do all the pickups?

Original poster

2blessed2bstressed · 18/01/2011 13:11

No HuckingFell, her dd goes to childminder after school.

OP posts:

CalamityKate · 18/01/2011 13:20

Tell her it's not working out and that your DS gets stressed when he thinks he's going to be late, so it's just easier to stick to taking your own kids.

ChippingInSmellyCheeseFreak · 18/01/2011 14:36

HuckingFell - I love your name, but can you tell me something, when a thread is only 35 posts long, why don't you/people read it before making a comment? I just don't understand why you/they think they are going to be the only one to have thought of something?!

I'm really not being 'mean' I just don't understand it??

I get it when it's 583 posts long about rammekins or some such, but 35 posts, is it too much to expect people to actually at least skim the thread?

welshbyrd · 18/01/2011 15:56

< Walks past computer screen armed with ginger nuts >

HuckingFell · 18/01/2011 17:26

I did skim it. Clearly too skimmy cos Imissed that bit.

ChippingInSmellyCheeseFreak · 18/01/2011 20:51

Sorry HF

It was mentioned a couple of times, but I wasn't really getting at you as such, but the whole just jumping in at the end is getting more and more prevalent on MN and it just makes the threads go around in circles as everyone keeps reiterating the salient points!

ChippingInSmellyCheeseFreak · 18/01/2011 20:52

Welsh - any gingernuts left??

welshbyrd · 18/01/2011 22:57

loads of ginger biscuits chippingin

Afraid we only have hobnobs on a Friday [payday] normally gone on a Saturday

zipzap · 18/01/2011 23:06

If you want to try and lift share a little longer...

Could you try doing a week each rather than different days? Might be easier to be 'on' driving for a full week and know you have a week off driving the next rather than hassle around with days - as she sounds rather flakey about the arrangement... Also more obvious if you are doing more than your fair share of the driving whereas days it is easier for her to pretend that it's just a day here or there and it all evens itself out in the end.

At least you are able to take your ds if she is late or doesn't turn up, imagine if she was late and you weren't around to step in if needs be, your son is lucky to have you there

frgr · 18/01/2011 23:12

Your child is getting stressed and anxious for no reason of his/yours

I would end the arrangement - so what if you drive past her house - her child is not your responsibility, esp. if it's having this negative affect on your own child.

it would have been nice if the arrangement worked out, but it hasn't. just end it politely with non-confrontational language about how it isn't working out and refuse to get drawn into justifying your reasons. you don't have to, and shouldn't have to.

i used to car-share with a guy from work 3 days a week (when i was in the office rather than working on client premises) since he lived literally on the corner of my street. i didn't see him socially or know him that well, but it seemed nice to share petrol costs and saved him 2 buses each way.

but he totally took the piss, was always late with the agreed petrol money every month (we're talking a few quid, it was really just a token amount tbh) and was often late, running out the house when i'd been sitting there for 5 minutes. i ended it after about 2 months of hand-wringing about how to approach it, in the end i just made the excuse that i found being around work colleagues on my commute a bit stressful and wanted some peace to relax before the day ahead. he didn't appear too put out, anyway. i wish i'd done it sooner.

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