Tapping someone on the shouder is rude isn't it?

[WimpleOfTheBallet]

Or aibu? Another thread reminded me of the time DH and I were in a little boutique and a woman ...middle aged...tapped me on the shoulder from behind and said "Where are the assistants?" in a cross, angry way.

There was no way she thought I worked there an even if she did it was still hideous behaviour.

I was VERY irritated by her tap-tappng me briskly on my shoulder and said "I don't know but I DO know that it's rude to tap people on the shoulder!"

And yes...I am a bit pathetic to think about it still..but I am still at DH's opinion on my manners.

Was I or was she?

as long as its a gentle pat, i thought it was fine!

I didnt think it was rude

Not rude in itself. Her behaviour certainly was (but why on earth would it still bother you now??)

But if someone tapped me gently on the shoulder and said 'Excuse me' if they couldn't get past or something I wouldn't consider it at all rude.

I don't think the tapping itself is rude.

Twasn't a gentle pat! It was a one-fingered poke! Poke, poke, poke!

Itbothers me pozzled because DH said I was rude...I KNOW it's silly...

I think it's rude because it suggests that the person you are tapping is lower status than you are.

I would only tap someone on the shoulder if I needed to get their attention and they were not responding when I said 'excuse me'. Of course they wouldn't know that as presumably they hadn't heard the 'excuse me' (unless they were ignoring me). I bet that is all that happened here. Don't worry about it anymore.

I think it is rude because:

(a) implies they are behind you so why not come round to the front or side of you to get your attention - you will have to reposition yourself to reply to them so it is a status thing
(b)how were you supposed to know if you don't work there?

Am sure there are times when it is not rude but it sounds like the manner in which it was done in this instance was rude - excuse me or sorry but would you know?... or even would you know if...? or all more polite ways to ask.

But as per your DH I would try regularly tapping him on the shoulder from behind and firing questions at him and see whether he thinks its polite then! probably not the best idea for marital harmony but it would amuse my tiny mind just the once! Sounds as if he was just embarrassed because you snapped back but I really wouldn't let it wind you up any further.

If you need to get someone's attention, and they aren't responding to a verbal-only attempt, then tapping on the shoulder is not offensive.

Do you generally have issues with people touching you?

I think that woman's behaviour overall was rude. However there are times when tapping someone on the shoulder is necessary. I know someone who will often turn his hearing aid off when sitting at his desk working on something so that it blocks out background noise which is equally amplified by his hearing aid. You have to tap him on the shoulder to ask him something.

Yes I do Trillian...to be fair. I hate strangers touching me...it seems to grate on me and make me panic.

I just think it's the height of rudeness to touch someone who is a stranger to you...unles it cannot be avoided...eg. if someone was falling or you were helping them.

xstitch...I wouldn't tap even in those circumstances..I would touch his arm once.

I've never heard anyone say tapping on the shoulder is rude?

Belle -'implies they are behind you so why not come round to the front or side of you to get your attention - you will have to reposition yourself to reply to them so it is a status thing'

I don't agree with this at all. The layout of the shop might have precluded easily getting into OP's line of sight or she may have been looking down or at the merchandise. Getting in OP's face would have seemed stranger to me. I don't think this is a status thing.

I also don't really see what's wrong with asking whether another customer has seen a sales assistant. Sometimes they do make themselves rather scarce. Maybe her tone was brusque but OP is complaining about the tap not the tone.

When I say tap I don't mean prod him.

Rude imo - I'd always avoid touching someone or, if absolutely unavoidable, I might gently and very briefly touch their arm, but be sure to say 'excuse me..' or 'sorry to bother you..'

I loved your response.

Mumwithadragontattoo - you're right - there are situations where tapping someone on the shoulder is the only way to physically get their attention without being in their eyeline (e.g. was thinking about if you are on a bus/coach/plane as I was posting) so we don't know whether the lady could have attracted OP's attention by being within her sight (shop layout/OP browsing shelf etc as you said)

But she didn't ask "have you seen a sales assistant?" That would have been polite - it does not assume the OP SHOULD know as does "Where are the assistants?" I think it is in the phrasing as much as the tap tap/poke poke business.