People using child PR as a weapon?

[marantha]

AIBU to think that there is a growing trend for mothers who are separated/divorced from child/children's biological father to get them 'adopted' formally by their new partner/husband and that -unless natural father a COMPLETE monster/deceased this is wrong?
It does seem to me that it is selfish of the mother to change child's status in this way and it is often about HER wants to create new family unit and not the child.
Also, are we not in danger of creating a society where people mistakenly (obviously) end up sleeping with half-siblings because nobody knows who is who anymore?
Sounds melodramatic, I know. But when children have different surname to their siblings it's a real possibility (why I think it is best to adhere to the old-fashioned system of child taking father's name. Not sexism-if the traditional system was that the kids got mums' name I'd advocate that)

I'm actually that anyone would Deed Poll their DC's name to the name of someone they are not even married too

Sorry - you think children having different names could lead to incest?

I simply don't get that. Of course, I guess its possible that if you don't know your biological dad, and you meet a half sibling you could land up having sex but the list of situations I can think of that happening in is relatively short, but the result of one sibling having its name changed is right at the bottom of my list of (very minor) concerns.

You can't get a child adopted by your new partner without the consent of the father. If the father is actively in the child's life this would never happen. The courts also have to take all reasonable steps to contact the birth father, even if he has never seen the child. I think you are inventing a phenomenon that doesn't exist.

There is also not actually a huge problem with half sibs unwittingly having sex (not that I accept OP's specious argument that this is caused by multiple surnames or whatever nonsense it was). It is a societal norm that siblings do not have sex, quite right, however biologically the risk of two half siblings engendering a child together with some 'inbreeding' related disbility is tiny. 'Inbreeding' has to go on for several generations before the risks become significant. I don't accept that step fathers adopting their DCs raises the risk of step sibs having sex - far far more likely is mr serial shagger on the XXX estate who shags hundreds of women around his estate - kids then more likely to grow up and socialise/partner up in the same area, etc etc.

I only know of one person who has done this (her first husband died). The process was a very long one, and not something they did lightly. I'd be suprised that people do this on a whim.

I think the bit about the names is crap to be honest.

Don't think it is unreasonable to suggest that child has biological father's name and is recognised as being biological father.
This is not to say that some biological fathers are great-some are useless, nor is it to say that some stepfathers are bad-some are great, but not recognising biological father as even existing seems wrong to me.
If it is la-la land to say that then I guess I am in it.
I also think some women are very selfish by not acknowledging that the biological father exists, and the name-changing thing to that of new 'partner' is crap- I mean, if they do change name to latest 'love of life' what are they going to do if that relationship breaks down? Change it back to the original name that kid had in first place or wait for new 'partner' to come along and change it to their's?

Maranatha, so what if they do change their names lots of times. it's not the end of the world, it won't kill anyone, it's only names. And call me old fashioned, but your worry about the risk of incest is a bit daft. Have you been reading too many melodramatic novels? or watching Sons and Daughters ???

I dont think that Mothers can 'just change' a childs surname. In my case it was a long drawn out process that involved social workers looking into our family life and the family courts. We had to go before a judge and were asked without our parents present if we consentedat

I hadn't seen my father for nearly 5 years. He had never seen my DB at all after splitting with my Mum and had never paid maintenece. At first he was resistant .."I dont want another man giving his name to my children"... but soon absolved all his rights when he realised it let him off the hook of paying for us

I changed my surname at 16 to my mother's maiden name. No deed poll in Scotland. I wanted to have the name of the woman who raised me, who worked two jobs to keep a roof over my head and food on the table. I would have changed it earlier if I could.

That's really lovely redpanda