to consider not going back from maternity leave

[spongebobsquareknickers]

My maternity pay ends in May and my maternity leave would continue til August. I have the one DS at the mo, and we're hoping to have DC#2 straight away... (fingers crossed!)

I have a normal job, not a big earner by anyones standards, but also not on the breadline either. However its very likely that if I did return to work, most, if not all of my salary will simply go towards childcare. This is with just one DC, I definitely couldnt afford childcare for two. We can live comfortably enough on just his salary, we wouldnt be relying on the state. As a sidenote, I WANT to stay home to raise DS (and hopefully DC#2 soon enough), i just want your opinion if IABU to do this?

I dont see that it would benefit anyone for me to go back to work for the sake of it, leaving my son to be raised by others while we're no better off financially. I'm also not in a job where it's likely that I would have multiple promotions if I remained there. Not a dead end job per se, but nothing that would warrant an initial sacrifice to allow for future earning potential...

My parents think I should go back to work at all costs, as this current economic climate is not the time to willingly walk out of a job.

I am also considering retraining as something to do with primary education, maybe to work as a TA to start with, and progress to a primary teacher as my DC get older. I am thinking that I could hopefully do a part time course at my local uni while the kids are small, leaving me qualified to start when they are bigger.

Sorry for such a long OP, am just trying to weigh up my options and need some peoples opinions who arent gonna try to sway me one way or another. Reading it back, I can see what I obviously want to do, but AIBU?

everytime I see my Mum and Dad they ask me when i'm going back to work, My Dad thinks I should have gone back already for the same reason as yours.(mat leave finishes in April) I keep pointing out to him that my mum was a SAHM for a few years, but he doesn't listen. Getting to the point where I don't want to go round there anymore as starting to feel under pressure to explain myself all the time.

Well.

They do have a point about this economic climate. And every other woman seems to want to be a TA (family friendly, school holidays off etc.) plus it pays nothing. There are barely any jobs for primary school teachers as there are and far too many applicants.

Your salary may get eaten up by childcare at the moment but in a few years time you won't have to pay for nursery and you will start to see the difference, plus your career will be progressing and you'll probably be on more.

Plus, won't you have to pay your maternity money back if you don't return? Check it out.

Sorry I'm probably not saying what you want to hear, which is if it feels good do it etc.

I'm in the same boat and my DH would prefer I in back to work. I've decided to become a childminder so I'll still be earning (hopefully) and still be at home for my DD. I think that if it is financially viable stay and enjoy your baby.

I left work after ds1. It was a complicated decision but I'm glad I made it. We have ds2 now too. I started my own business which I run part time from home so I basically make up the difference I would have earned from working while paying out for childcare ( more now that ds2 is here!) Go with what you want to do- it's your life and your children. You can go back to work when they're at school if you want. Lots of people take career breaks- if you wanted you could even do another qualification via distance learning over the next few years- or retrain for something completely different as you've said! ;)

Aren't TA jobs being cut at the moment - may not be the best career move. Plus all mums seem to want to be TA's just for the hours rather than the actual job. Out school TA's dont finish at 3 hence most have grown up children.

Your parents have a point re the economic climate and that its far harder to get another job when you have been out of the workplace for a few years.

Does your DH want to be the sole earner? Have you actually asked him if he's willing to be the only earner whilst you stay home?

I never went back and it was the best move I ever made.
I spent 10 years at home, three of them studying at university and now am back at work in a job I love.
I am in an entry level postition, but couldn't care less quite frankly.
I love my new job, but what I loved more was the time I spent with my children.

I'm a Sahm so glad I didn't go back to work. I love being at home with ds and seeing him learn all these new things. Do what would make you happiest! Speak to your dh not us :-)

the only things that actually matter are that both you and your dh and totally happy for you to stay at home and him be the only earner and that you can as a family afford it comfortably.

the only bonus I can see to going back is that you would keep any occupational maternity pay you were given this time round, and you would get paid maternity leave for your second child - then you could leave. But if money isnt an issue it probably isnt worth doing that.

If you are serious about becoming a TA or teacher do look into it carefully. I work in a school We are not replacing TA's as they leave and there is a high possibility some will be made redundant in the next year becasue our budget is being cut by 30%, and the training involves spending unpaid time in school volunteering in most cases, and then there are hardly any jobs to be had - the hours etc are not as family friendly as you would think. If you have a degree already then becoming a teacher would be relatively easy with a 9 month course post grad which is full time with a lot fo the course spent with full days in school for weeks on end. If you don't have a degree then the training is 3/4 years and it isnt funded at all. And there are not many jobs about at all, I have been looking for a new job for 3 years in my area!

But, all that is by the by at the moment really, talk to your dh - what does he think?

I was made redundant on mat leave and it made my mind up easily, I am very glad I sayed at home, a couple of years ago dh lost his job, I got a jiob with no problems, but was made redundant again. I am back to being a sahm but finding it harder as this time it wasnt my decision. however when i look at everything it is not worth me working and the whole family is happier with me at home. I suggest you do what is best for you and your family and dont let others judgements sway you.

YANBU I cut my hours right down for similar reasons BUT you may have to consider paying back your maternity pay and the twatty government are cutting TA jobs.

What about training as a nursery nurse or playgroup leader? Similar wrt holidays off etc but more of a viable career option.

If you've considered all your option YANBU. As others have said, you have to do what's right for you, DH and DC. Others will always have an opinion (DM and MIL both think I should stay at home but fortunately keep shtum) but it's your sanity that matters. If you think you want to be at home, and it's a financial option, do it. Balancing work and home is hard even when you want to do both!

I don't think YABU at all - this is yours and your DH's decision alone. Noone else can tell you what feels right.

I went back to work when DS was 6 months because that felt right but then didnt go back after DD1. But then did go back (after a career break rather than ML) after DD2!

You could always not burn your bridges at this early stage and maybe go back to work but then with a view to not going back to work when you have your next DC? That might be a way of balancing up the finances and then you would at least have tried it and seen how it suited you all?

But don't be swayed by anyones' opionion except your own and your DH's - you two know what's right for you.

YANBU. If you can afford it I would go for it.

You do have to consider not just the next few years, but what will happen after that. Will you need to be bringing in a salary then? Will you have to consider school fees for example or saving for university?

long term there's the childcare cost decresing while your income increases argument, short term, there's the just go back for 9 months (assuming you get pg right away) and then get another lot of maternity pay argument.

I'd probably go back, and if we didn't need the money I'd save it - the way the world is it is very wise to have a hefty 'just in case' fund, what if your DH was made redundant?

Even if I do get pregnant straight away, I probably will at least ATTEMPT to go back to work, just until my maternity leave, even if its not that successful (I had a lot of time off sick in my first pregnancy, stress related illness and PRE.N.D). Btw, I have checked and I wouldnt have to pay back mat pay.

I like my boss and dont want to go back if its going to be a huge pain in the bum for her and everyone there, though I would obviously like the "cushion" of extra money if I could get it. Plus I dont want her or anyone else there to think I've gone back to purposely go on the sick and then back on mat leave. I know it shouldnt matter what others think, but if my last employer thought badly of me, its not gonna look good when I need refs in the future... See, I'm completely torn!! :(

Re the TA, its only a thought at the moment, what I do really want to do though is retrain as something to do with children or education, hopefully a teacher in the long run. I dont have a degree at the mo, as I honestly didnt know what I wanted to do when I left school. Not that I know for definite now either!

PS, DH is more than happy to be solely responsible, in fact it was his suggestion in the first place that he would support me while I retrain to do something I want to do.

I don't think YABU, plus it sounds like you have your husbands backing. I do see what people mean about giving up a good job though. I'm 20 weeks at the moment and we generally thought I'd stay at home for a couple of years at least but now the idea of actually giving up my job is starting to really scare me, just the idea that once its gone, its gone ... Its a good job, I earn good money and although we will do OK without me working I'm still scared to do it. But you know what we'll still be doing a good job, just for a lot less cash, ha.

Do you earn more than your DH? If so, it would be better he stayed at home.

YANBU. I haven't gone back to work and am totally sure I made the right decision, even though pretty much everyone else I know has done.

I am so so grateful to be in a position where I can be with my DD all the time.

That said, you might well feel like you want your own work/money at some point. I do, and am planning to train to be a doula. I'm hoping that will give me the perfect balance, and although I won't be making much money, it will be about the same as I would have taken home after childcare.

You do need to be absolutely sure you have your H's backing though. I can't imagine anything worse than being a SAHM with a resentful husband.

Surreydad, DH earns nearly 50% more than me

MiniBMW, thats exactly it, it worries me that leaving my job would be so final, no going back etc etc! :)

Only you and your DH can make that decision.

However, I did go back when DS was 1 year old. He went to nursery and the hours just about worked for my commute. I only did 4 days (only!!) and he loved the fact that we had "Mummy and DS day" each week.

When I had DD, I resigned at the end of my maternity leave. I didn't feel I had any choice as DS was now at school and I just couldn't find childcare to cope with my and DH's hours and his school hours/holidays.

IMHO, it is easier when they are little and at nursery. I had 3 years at work then and whilst it was stressful at times, I am really glad that I did. Now DS is at school, it is a whole different ball game.

I think you need to think about not just now but also the future and things like childcare when your DS gets to school age.