To want OH to show some interest in being supportive birth partner?

[travispickles]

40 weeks today with first baby, and obviously feeling a bit nervous. OH has a son with his first wife (10 years old) and has approached the whole thing in a much more laid back way. Started thinking tonight about what sort of things it might be useful to do in labour, and found a short you tube clip showing possible breathing techniques. ASked OH if he could have a quick look (5 mins) and he started to get shirty saying I was over preparing and I was going to destroy the moment/ magic and ruin the spontanaeity. I pointed out that this is not about him at all, and that good birthing partners know how to be supportive. Now I feel that I actually don't want him there at all and would rather give birth alone. Feel quite angry, although some of this may be hormonal/ displaced nerves. AIBU?

Could he be nervous at all and you asking him to look at the vid is a reminder of what he too is to face?

Just a thought.

YANBU - how can you over prepare

My DP was my birth partner with DS2 (his first) 7 years ago. I'm currently 40+1 today, and he burst into tears (!) in the kitchen tonight, admitting that he is petrified of seeing me in that much pain again, and of not being able to do anything to help. And my labour with DS2 was only 5 hrs from 1st contraction to me holding him in my arms, and was my easiest labour by far - I'm sooooo not expecting this one to be as easy, it's been 7yrs since I popped a baby out of my fanjo. Last time, I had only had DS1 18 months beforehand. Could it possibly be that he is worried for you and is trying not to think about it too much/ deeply?

I have 4 dc, by the 4th my birth plan was asking the midwives to be my partners as he was there to carry the bags and be there at the birth point and not much else

TBH there isn't much they can do, they're not trained, they're stressed, they witness you in a lot of pain.

Sorry!

I suppose so. He is a wuss when it comes to needles/ blood etc although he assures me he will/ did cope. It is possible also that I want to spend our last night(s) before the baby together being romantic and enjoying togetherness, and I resent the fact that he doesn't seem to. But then I am on Mat Leave and he is still stressed at work etc. But it still annoys me that his take seemed to put us both in the same boat, whereas my understanding of childbirth is that I have to go through the horrors, and his role is to try and make it more bearable. No?

I think you need to be more honest about what you want from him and have more realistic expectations.

It is very reasonable to want to spend some special "together" time and that is something he can do.

"being a supportive birthing partner" is very woolly. You may not want him or anyone else near you when the time comes......

My DH hasn't attended any of our DCs births (we have 3) - he's too much of a wuss and hates anything medical - wouldn't watch an operation on TV, that sort of thing. He hangs around at home smoking (he's usually a non smoker) and then drives up to the hospital when it's all over. [shrugs]

TBH, I think you are making slightly too much fuss. Fine if you want to do the breathing but he doesn't have to, does he?