to not want inlaws interfering all the time?

[Katzia85]

New to mumsnet and was advised to come on here by my health visitor who has seen how down I have been beyond the regular hormonal imbalance emotions. I dont want to sound inconsiderate to my inlaws at all, as I want to live in harmony with them, but it is getting harder and harder each day!!

I am a first time mum to a new son who is not yet 3weeks old. I had an emergency section bringing him into the world and as a result my recovery is more prolonged than had I had a vaginal birth (which is what I wanted!! )
Since I have come home, the inlaws are expecting to be around every hour of every day and it took me getting upset for my partner to finally ask them to go.
When we are visiting, they are all over him (even when sleeping) and it almost feels like when my back is turned they would poke him to wake him up so they can hold him.
They question everything I do, from infracol to breastfeeding (asking me already to express so they can feed him)!!
I am just finding my feet as a new mother and I already have ideas and signs of what my son needs and wants are, and I feel like I am constantly being under pressure to let them do things. Bearing in mind they dont want to do anything for me (like help around house etc) which would be more of a help than them smothering my son.
They make comments about what he wears and question who its from and recently on hearing an outfit was from someone on their side, I was met with "oh I am surprised at that".
The MIL even asked a friend of hers to teach MY son english when he is older!!! I will teach my own son proper vocabulary, I am not an idiot!!
I am getting really down about the whole thing, and so much so I resent going to visit them as I cannot relax and the only time I get rest bite is when me and my son go away for a feed which is glorious!!!
I feel I cannot say anything as it might be taken as rude or cheeky, and i dont want to appear that way, but am finding it more and more difficult to bite my tongue!
I dont want to upset my partner but it is becoming increasingly hard and I feel my whole existence is walking on egg shells, not able to say anything with regards to the wellfare of my son as it will be scoffed at!!
I am also increasingly worried about handing my son over in the future to be babysat by them as they will not listen to my wishes and will do their own thing!! It is a horrible situation and I am blooming miserable at that!!

Thank you in advance xx

Hi! You will get loads of good advice here and so many have posted such good advice already

All I will say is please put your feelings first - you will become horribly depressed if you do not - this is a precious time for you and NO-ONE has the right to spoil it

I wish bloody selfish interfering inlaws would just back off. Put some rules in, you need to have a bit of uninterrupted time with just you and hubby and baby so just say - no visitors for a while. If you don't want to express and let someone else feed baby then don't - this is a very precious and important time for building milk supply so do what you want and revel in the fact that only you can feed your baby!

They are being selfish and you need to put your foot down - you new time alone with your baby and husband so jus say, no visits or one visit a week and do not feel bad about it! Please let us know how things go x

I would take baby off to feed with a good book and go to sleep after a feed and leave them sitting there to be honest. I would.

You need to kindly but firmly dispatch your dh to shoo them off. They ought to know better anyway.

You need rest and support, not an audience with commentary.

Tell dh no. Let him deal with it. It's his mum.

She sounds like a Catherine Tate character. Or if I was kind...Julie Walters.

Tell them to do one and leave you in peace. Via hubby.

Agree with above

Go to your room and tell dh they need to limit their visits

Bloody intefering mil's really get on my nerves!

Glad to hear you are feeling a little stronger.

RE the asking you to express. Tell them no, that expressing this early can effect your supply and that you are not prepared to do that just so they can do a feed.

Don't tell her anything about your feelings on expressing for her (although I think her sentiment is well intentioned) just go to bed with baby in tow and refuse to take this any further.

For me, the pain in the arse wouldn't be so much the mother in law interference aspect, but just someone always being in my house! A permanent guest. When you're knackered and leaking and aching and having your every waking moment dictated by sleeping and feeding, you don't want to be the host!
Never mind her gabbling.

Echo everyone who says be assertive, politely tell them your views: "please do not poke the baby awake, he needs to sleep and will be awake later and soon ready for cuddles." etc etc ad infinitem. If you don't set this down now, they will push you and push you until you snap and end up telling them to cock off, or similar

Congratulations on your new baby, hope you are now getting the chance to enjoy him. Also stick to your guns re the expressing, only do it if you want to or it becomes necessary because it is a faff. Again, : "I will not be expressing for the considerable future until feeding is established, and may not even need to." Tight smile in their direction.

Good luck