to write 'Still dead!' on this piece of post?

[PeppermintCream]

I know I am, but I'm grieving so please be gentle.

Background: my dad died in November, he lived in a housing association house and we had to clear it v quickly.

So, as soon as we registered his death, I arranged for his post to be redirected to me (live in a different city) so I could deal with the estate.

I printed up some return address labels to return junk mail to sender and have his name removed from the mailing list.

Today, I have received several items of redirected post for the second time, someone at the post office has torn away part of my redirection label to return it to me again.

So, I feel like writing on the redirection la el "still dead" in the hope that I will not receive it again. AIBU?

YANBU at all - if I was in your position I'm not sure that'd be all I was writing, you're being very restrained in my opinion. So sorry for your loss x

First of all sorry for your loss. If it is junk i would just bin it rather than keep sending it back.

Authorities and companies have never been good at handling death - 20 years ago my parents received letters demanding to know why my brother was not at school. In the end my dad went up to a meeting and explained that, as stated in both phone calls and a letter, M was not at school because he had died.

YANBU at all.

Though I have to say, 8 years after my own dad's death my poor mum still occasionally gets junk mail addressed to him despite asking for it to be stopped and attempting to return to sender. Nothing seems to stop the envelopes coming, so brace yourself for these distressing letters to keep arriving :(

My mum has just died and we got two forms to fill in which said they would try to stop all the junk mail. I'm afraid I've binned the spare bits, but one was called the deceased preference service, and I think both could be done on line.

Do a google, and see what comes up. Also, our postie told us that if you write "gone away" on a bit of mail, the post office know what that means, and how to deal with it.

Good luck.

mrspear- OMG!

I feel your pain- this is incredibly offensive and I can understand how it makes you feel. (My Grandad had letters addressed to my Nan with 'deceased' after her name ). Either bin it or recycle it- it really isn't worth getting annoyed about. Some people could make a career out of insensitivity.

Sorry for your loss, and no YANBU

YANBU - My dad died 2 years ago and my mum still gets mail for him :(

Mail Preference List : here

Most reputable companies adhere to the guidelines so it will cut it right down.

Sorry for your loss OP.

Thank you for being so kind. So sorry to hear so many of you have also had difficult experiences.

I signed up to the deceased preference scheme the day we registered the death, info passed on from registrar.

The redirection service from Royal Mail is for a deceased person (otherwise they need a signature).

I can cope with the junk mail, I just wish royal mail would return it to sender, rather than back to me again. Rant over...

YANBU.

My DH died coming on for three years now, and i'm still getting mail for him. The phone calls are the worst 'Can i speak to Mr Dee, please?' 'No, im sorry, you can't' 'I really need to speak to Mr Dee' 'Well you can't. It's not possible' 'Well can you tell me when i can speak to Mr Dee?' 'Yes - when you buy a ouija board. He's been dead over two years' Click...

YANBU at all. I think 'still dead, as is your brain, you moronic insensitive fucker' would do it better.

YADDDDNBU!!! My dh died nearly ten years ago and until two years ago the local education department kept sending correspondence regarding my ds to Mr and Mrs Jenkins. I asked every year for them to amend their records and they didnt. Two years ago i ran out of patience and rang them up and said if i received any more letters addressed to Mr and Mrs i would be contacting the local paper. That did the trick beautifully!!

After my mum died I resorted to opening the letters and writing back to the people who had sent them explaining that she had died and that the continued junk mail was very distressing to my father (who had dementia so wasn't terribly raational about why they kept sending things)
I used any reply paid envelopes they had sent and if they continued I did it again enclosing copies of all the letters sent so far.
They stopped.

In all fairness, I used to work in marketing, and the Mailing Preference Service site makes it clear that it takes 4 months for information from things like The Bereavement Register to filter through. I haven't worked in marketing for a bit, but you get a computer disc from the service every so often (3 months rings a bell for the Telephone Preference Service). You then run it against your mailing list and remove all offending contacts. Most companies will have a simple computerised procedure for this.

If the bereavement happened in November (sorry for your loss), given the Christmas break might have slowed things down a bit, it's a bit early for people who use The Bereavement Register to have taken the name off their lists.

If you have returned the mail, bear in mind that once the mail arrives (second class), it has to be seen by somebody who will then hand it to somebody who will input it into the system. Given the volume of mail these departments process, this is not instant. Especially as there was probably a skeleton staff over the holiday period. In addition, for cost reasons, a lot of these handling centres have been relocated centrally in Northern England or Scotland, so there is even more of a backlog due to the recent snow.

Your best bet is to see if there is a Freephone or cheap rate telephone number on the mailing; if you call this number and explain yourself, you will get through to somebody who can call up the details on screen instantly and just tick a box to stop any further mailings. However, this may not include lists where the marketing materials have already been prepared and/or printed.

If they persist, most larger organisations who send direct mail (or "junk" mail) will be members of The Direct Marketing Association. This is a major body which assists and regulates direct marketing in the UK. They will adjudicate against members, and if you visit www.dma.org.uk and scroll down to the bottom of the page, there is a way of complaining by email.

Most people in the industry don't want to upset people, it's just that they are dealing with mailings to thousands of individuals. Hope this helps .

I would put something like...

This is addressed to Mr XXX not Mr J Christ, unlike Mr Christ Mr XXX did not rise again on the 3rd day.

But I am a bitch

Hi ladies, I came across this thread because I work with The Deceased Preference Service. I understand that I am not part of the mumsnet community but I hope I can be of help. Please find below the web link and also telephone number to register deceased family members / friends.

I understand how upsetting it can be to receive direct mail / junk mail for a deceased loved one.

If you need any further information, please feel free to call me on 0207 927 9999 and I will try my best to help.

www.deceasedpreferenceservice.co.uk/

Telephone: 0800 068 44 33

Mark
Mark Barber

TV licencing were the worst. My dad had TV and licence ( free) in his bungalow next door to us and after he died I did everything they asked and told them the property would be empty until we all moved out of the main house( seperate but together houses IYSWIM). But they kept writing and threatening until I wrote in BIG BLACK LETTERS on their letter and returned it. " My dad is dead , He has been dead for 2 tears now ...If he comes back to life I will FUCKING tell you. " All quiet since.

Gosh slip there YEARS not TEARS . Altho it fits just as well.

I'm still getting mail and phonecalls fomr companies for neil

usually the same ones again and again

I've done the mail preference thign and I have contacted each company he had accounts or dealings with and tld them..more than once

it sget very wearing

hmm cant type

Hi Trinity,

Have you used Mail Preference or Deceased Preference Service? Please feel free to contact me directly and I will try my best to help you.

Mark
0207 927 9999

Peppermint sorry to hear about your Dad :(

Sadly, as you can see, it does continue for quite sometime. It really is very hard.

I worked for a company once who sent out their catalogue 4x per year (seasonal stuff in them) and there was a huge pile (2x 5ft stacks) of them in the corner - I asked why they were there... the reply... 'Oh they're all the ones returned cos the person is dead' - the girl didn't know what had hit her when I was finished with her! [I got a temp in and cleared them through the database in a couple of days]. It is shitty enough to have someone die and have to inform places like this, but that being ignored when you have is unforgiveable!

Sorry about your loss. I don't have any advice, just wanted to give you my condolences.