to want to make friends at the baby groups I go to?

[Mirabelle77]

Ds is 3 months we have been going to a new parent group and a library group. Nobody chats really at the library and have chatted at the new parent group to one woman but when I suggested she came to library group she is busy. She has text me a few times though. I was hoping to make some baby friends at these groups , people seem friendly enough but it's as though they are not there to make friends.

I have friends but none local due to moving also was hoping to make baby friends to share experiences with . I went to an ante natal group but nobody chatted at that! My last hope is a nct group that I am going to go to this week. I'm starting to think maybe nobody needs to make friends at my age as normally you would have plenty , I go out a few times a week but was just hoping I might make friends with a new mum so we could go for coffee etc or is this unlikely?

you've got to be a bit proactive, and actually ask one or two of these mums if they want to go for a coffee.

I bet there are quite a few of them that are feeling the same as you, but are a bit shy

Hope you manage to make a few friends soon

Its taken me about a year or so to feel like I've found my feet at the baby groups I go to. I moved here a year ago and was surprised that people weren't too interested in making friends but then I realised that most had lived here for years and know a lot of people in the area so don't need the new friends like I did.

I just kept going and eventually i became part of the furniture and all those little conversations add up to friendships over time.

I gave up 'trying to make friends' and one day months later realised that I was in a cafe with 4 other mums having coffee - I had friends! It just crept up on me!

Keep trying, you'll find other people in your situation. Poss ask the group leader to point you towards other new people in the group?

And why not ask the text lady out for a coffee or to the playgroup with you? I know I wanted to stay in touch with people I met in group but sometimes I'd lose my phone for days or I was knackered or frankly couldn't get my sh*t together. It was never anything personal and if I saw them again I was overjoyed.

I guess I could invite someone for a coffee , just don't want to seem desperate!

Mmm, its tricky, I was lucky I had my NCT group and that it was a great group, because I didn't really have any local friends either.

I know what you mean about baby groups, they are friendly enough but not so friendly that you might say "anyone fancy coffee back at mine" etc.

Hang in there, but just to say it WILL happen eventually, in that your child will be at preschool eventually and then school and bit by bit you will ease into the "mum" or "parent" community, often quite local, you might have to be a bit more patient due to your circumstances.

Also, once your child gets old enough to have "favoured friends", i.e ones they actually ask for, you can probably get mums round for coffee under the guise of "playdates" because the age they start to favour particular friends is still young enough not to be "dropped off and picked up" on a playdate but to have the mum stay (or dad)

In the meantime, just keep going. At least you are getting out and socialising while you are actually there.

Have you tried a local Mumsnet thread (or you could start one)? That's where my friendship group originated from when I first had dd - it's grown from there now, but the four mums I'm closest too all came from an MN thread I joined halfway through my pregnancy. Agree about being proactive, though - I think a lot of people are just a bit shy.

I think you need to accept that some of the mums that go to these groups don't really want to make new friends. I go to a few mums and tots groups and have spoke to loads of the mums. A couple have asked me to meet up for coffee /softplay but I've always turned them down. Its not that I don't like them its just I have enough on with work, four kids, trying to keep on top of the housework, visiting family that I simply don't really have the time or inclination to make new friends, honestly if i have a spare few hours I'd rather lie on the sofa watching the telly than go for coffee with someone I don't really know.

But not everyone is like me - a lot of the other mums are probably like you and wanting to make some new friends too.

You have to be proactive. I moved to our village 5 weeks before having DS2 and went to playgroup when he was 4 weeks. I went each week and each time invited a couple of people for coffee later i the week etc, after a few months I was regularly seeing people away from playgroup. After a bit I invited 2 of the couples for supper so our husbands could meet.

3 years later DH and I have a great group of friends in the village and nearly all of them come from playgroup!

I was in exactly the same situation and can assure you that some people will want to make friends. I think melrose's suggestion is a good one.

4 years on my friends and I admit that we had our babies weighed often really in the hope that we might bump into someone at the clinic and go for a coffee afterwards. We were lucky that we had spring babies and so could often bump into someone walking in the park or strolling round the shops and get chatting. Perhaps you could say you were thinking of going for a stroll or a coffee after the play group and see if anyone wants to join you?

Keep with it and I'm sure you'll have lots of new friends soon.

aww, keep trying, it's tough when you move to a new area. In a couple of months when DS is a bit older maybe try going to some more activity-focused groups like a music group, just to see if there are any different people there. In fact, I seem to remember tinytalk baby signing is a good one, as they have half an hour of singing/learning signs etc then half an hour where they get toys out and the mums have coffee and chat.

It takes time, we moved here about 18 months ago and I didn't know anyone, I remember deliberately honing in on new people at the music group I went to, in the hope that as they didn't know anyone else yet they might want to be friends with me It worked though!

The NCT is also a good move, I met some nice people at their bumps and babies group.

I will keep trying , I moved here last summer so I thought perhaps by now we might have made some friends but it's harder than I thought it would be I suppose.