to hate the phrase "a good innings"

[manchestermummy]

I don't know why I'm suddenly feeling annoyed about this but I am.

My grandmother died in October aged 97. She'd had a pretty terrible quality of life in the last nine years, so in many ways it was a relief for her that she no longer had to put up with the horrific indignity and suffering of the last few years of her life.

So many people have said "Oh well, at least she had a good innings". Like it doesn't matter when someone dies when they're really old. I feel like the impact of her death is being diluted by these undoubtedly well-meaning but thoughtless people.

What's wrong with "She had such a full life", or "It will be strange not having her around anymore". She was an amazing woman, and we miss her terribly. But I feel that because she 97, it doesn't matter as much.

And my tit of a FIL said that she had to go really as I was pg with DD2 at the time (she was born three weeks after my grandmother died).

Sorry, had to get that off my chest!

at your FIL. That is a hugely crass and insensitive remark to make.

I bumped off (so to speak!!!!) his mum while pregnant with DD1 . Seriously I cannot have any more children...

I know IAB a bit U. I don't know why it's getting to me!

I think "a good innings" is not just about length of life but also is appreciative of the variet and fullness a life of that length encompassed.

Also as cat says people don't know what to say at these times, but know or feel the need to express their sympathy for your loss, acknowledge the persons life and try and make you feel better.

Perhaps your FIL believes in reincarnation?

Yes, that annoys me beyond all reason too. I remember people saying that to my Granny when my Grandad died - I mean, WTF?? He might have been old but he was still her husband of 60 odd years.
She said it was so upsetting as people didn't seem to think her loss 'counted' because he was old and 'it was his time', 'had a good innings' etc etc but she was newly widowed just the same as everyone else who loses a spouse. Though I know she was grateful for so many years together, not everyone is so lucky .

So, no you are absolutely not BU

Grief is a funny thing - it can hit you at all sorts of times. Just because it was last year doesn't mean you can't get upset now.

Personally I'd say 'had a good innings' is a paraphrase for 'lead a full life', but then we all have our phrases we don't like.

As for your FIL = twat. YANBU there! When I was pg with DS my grandfather died and one of my colleagues came out with some astrology claptrap about one moving on to make room for the other and as DS was born under the same sign as my grandfather, blah, blah... I just kind of stared at her til she shut up.

I think the way it is said matters.

My Granny got more the 'oh well, he had a good innings' which is a bit dismissive of the loss.

Whereas if someone said 'Sorry for your loss, we can be grateful he had such a good innings though' is more an acknowledgement of a full life lived.

Not sure if I've explained that well, its hard because you can't get tone of voice across when its written down.