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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

....to think my sister is being an arse?

18 replies

LadyThumb · 17/01/2011 11:06

My Mum's 90th birthday coming up shortly. Sister lives 15 miles from her, my brother and I live 200 miles away.

Wanted to take my Mum on a week's holiday before her birthday (only 30 miles away from where she lives and Brother can get the time off), then have family get-together the day we arrive back, a lift ride downstairs in the large lounge.

(Mum lives in a nice flat in sheltered accommodation. Downstairs is a lovely lounge and large kitchen.)

Sister is insisting that we have the party at HER own small house, which means Mum will have to do 3 journeys in one day. It will be too much for Mum to do.

So we are left with no alternative but to not take her on the holiday (which she loved last year and wants to do again)! And I am really cross!

OP posts:
GelflinGirl · 17/01/2011 11:11

Your not taking her because your sister says no......... Hmm

I would do it any way, tbh she may not get another chance ( sorry dont mean to be morbid)

Then have the get together at hers as planned, tell sis to bog off!

Hope your mum has a great time! Enjoy

NinkyNonker · 17/01/2011 11:13

Absolutely what GelflinGirl said.

Kewcumber · 17/01/2011 11:14

What? Doesn;t your mother get to decide what she wants to do for her birthday? Confused

Personally I'd take a holiday over a party anyday.

caspered · 17/01/2011 11:15

I would be cross too, YANBU. Has your sister got a touch of the control freakness about her, the reason I ask is that between my sister and I, I am the one that lives closest and picks up the 'slack' most of the time in terms of arranging events. (BUT I know that I can be a control freak,) by wanting to have it at her house she can keep control. I often have to take a 'deep breath' and remember that what I may consider easier for me is not necessarily easier for other people. I suggest that as this is a special occassion you have a quiet word with your sister, or even if it is not a 'surprise' get together have a word with your mum, saying that it would 'take the hassle' away from your sister if you had the 'do' downstairs. Hope this makes sense not had my caffiene shot today, BUT YANBU Smile

2blessed2bstressed · 17/01/2011 11:15

Tell your sister to get lost! Obviously you don't want a family falling out, especially as it's you mums birthday, but surely if your mum wants to go on holiday your sister should respect that?

GlynistheMenace · 17/01/2011 11:15

I think you are both BU

Maybe sis feels left out if you're taking mum on hols so she wants to do something 'personal'?

FoghornLeghorn · 17/01/2011 11:16

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted

KurriKurri · 17/01/2011 11:16

You'll just have to insist that you are taking your mum on holiday, and you won't be doing three journeys in one day. I'm one of 3 siblings, and when we have to agree on stuff, - majority rules.

Iamcountingto3 · 17/01/2011 11:18

Can you talk to your sister about why she wants the party at her house? Assuming that your sister hasn't been on holiday with your mum, and isn't (by the sound of it) going to go this year, I wonder if she's feeling left out/wants to do something herself for her mum?
Not saying her idea is the best plan, but that it might help you to understand why...

Could you come back from holiday the day before your mum's birthday? Journey back from holiday + party sounds a lot to me (depending on your mum's health) even if she doesn't have to travel...

Nagoo · 17/01/2011 11:19

Is your sister coming on the holiday? If not why not?

That could explain why she wants the party at her house, so she is contributing, and you and your brother are not getting all the glory?

ENormaSnob · 17/01/2011 11:19

Surely it's up to your mum?

Original poster
LadyThumb · 17/01/2011 11:25

Iamcountingto3 - now why didn't I think of that (coming home a day early)???!! I still don't want the party in sis's tiny house (10 adults + 4 kids and only 5 chairs!), but it could be a compromise.

I just can't understand anyone wanting a 90 year old to travel to THEIR house instead of making a 1 minute lift-journey! Except my sis is a control-freak and a snob......and, according to her, the lounge downstairs is 'awful'. (It has nice matching easy chairs and furniture, pine tables and chairs, and lovely curtains.)

We'll see!

OP posts:
stillbobbysgirl · 17/01/2011 11:25

So just because your sister says something its gospel?! Its up to your mum surely? Tell you sister that your mum is not up to the extra journey and the party will be at mums home and thats the end of it.

If she gets in sulk and doesn't turn up then thats her look out.

Original poster
LadyThumb · 17/01/2011 11:25

Nagoo - she's not coming because she won't leave her cat!

OP posts:
DanceInTheDark · 17/01/2011 11:28

Who is paying for the holiday? COuld your sister be a bit short of money and not able to pay her share?

Why don't you just ask your mum?

You BOTH sound a bit snobbish tbh. And childish too. (She said....then she said....then I said...so i went....)

BuzzLightBeer · 17/01/2011 11:30

Have you heard of the word NO?

ZillionChocolate · 17/01/2011 11:32

Let your mum decide, and both you should respect her decision.

Nagoo · 17/01/2011 12:33

30 miles from her, she could come for a day to spend time with her mum?

letting mum decide brings her in on the row though doesn't it?

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