To wish people would CALL FIRST?

[TurkeyBurgerThing]

Aaargh. Yesterday I was having a typical mum/housework/busy day. I'd been out on Saturday so was doing a million things at once.

OH and FIL were doing a really difficult job with radiators in the living room, so the house is like a warzone. I was trying to get lunch ready for everyone, my youngest DS (1) isn't feeling well and had done a horrid nappy which required a full on bath. My DS1 (5) and DD (3) were running about with our young puppy going a bit feral and I was still in my dressing gown.

Que doorbell and it was an old friend from college who every so often just turns up. No calling first, no warning, he just turns up for a cup of tea, and then just wanders about the house for a look while I'm running about like a blue arsed fly after kids/dog/radiator spraying water everywhere (new place we've moved to...I hadn't even given him directions he got them from a local bloke he was visiting before us)

I asked him why he hadn't called first as it was a bad time and he says "oh you know me". It's good to see him once in a while but he does this every time I see him and I hate it because with 3 kids I'm hadly ready and waiting fr drop by visitors. He is still single and has no kids, so doesn't clearly see things from a busy mum's point of view.

AIBU to at least EXPECT a call first to warn me I'm apparently having a visitor? It's not like we live on a street either, we're in the middle of the bloody countryside!

YANBU

Dropping in without calling only works when you are either very close or living forty years ago when telephone calls were very expensive and not everyone was 'on the phone'.

Um...why do you let him in? Tell him it's a bad time you really do not want any visitors and could he call the next time. If he does it again, either repeat what you've said before or tell him if he cannot respect your wishes to stop coming by.

I hate people who pop round without calling first

It is absolutely my biggest pet peeve and I find it very rude. To me the person calling unexpectedly is implying that nothing I am doing could possibly be so important that I can't drop it to spend time with them.

I have now stopped answering the door to unexpected callers. I just sit tight and wait until they give up ringing/knocking and leave. I don't care if they can see my car on the drive and hear music or TV and know/suspect I am home. I am NOT available to see them so they can piss off

The few people who pout and say to me afterwards: "I called round but you didn't open the door to me."

I just say I must have been showering/in the garden/unable to hear over the noise of whatever and add that it is a much better idea to let me know when they are coming so I will be looking out for them.

Funnily enough, most people have stopped just popping round now.

Tyra, he wandered in as I chased puppy up the drive! Grrrrrrr.

Piggles I'm so with you on that. My last house I used to get UNBELIVABLY fucked off with people constantly stopping to ask directions. We were the only house actually on the road so that meant an invitation for people just to use me as a sat nav.

I'm a SAHM and honestly, I had about 5 or 6 people doing this a week and when my LOs were breastfeeding in particular it did my head in. Because my boobs were always out. Thing is people would even let theirselves in shouting "Hello?" because it was obvious someone was in and I'd not locked the front door. I eventually put up a sign saying "do not knock if asking for directions" but then we moved a few weeks after that anyway thank god. Don't get it at all now as our drive is 1/4 a mile long and full of potholes. I love it!

Mega PMT>been awake since 4am

YANBU but you sound unreasonably angry over it tbh.

He sounds like the kind of guy that probably doesn't notice whether the house is a mess, though. I would only care if the person 'popping by' was likely to judge me on the state of chaos in the house.

YANBU. My PIL do this and they do judge me on the state of the house!

They only live up the road but at least if they called first I'd have 10 mnutes to move the worst of it!! We always call before going to thiers, I don't see why they can't extend us the same courtesy.

YANBU,
They do it because it doesn't bother them which is fine and dandy, but fucking rude to assume everyone else feels exactly the same way especially when it is known that the polite things to do is to call

Yanbu

my mil and her boyfriend do this as dies fil. Oh the fun when they inadvertantly turn up at the same time.

YANBU. It really annoys me. MIL/FIL are masters at this.

If we've said we're busy can she see the dc another time, she descends anyway. She just has her own agenda.

I have also wondered (in less charitable moments) if she enjoys seeing me knee deep in the middle of some chaos or other looking hellish whilst she swans in from 'a lovely lunch and we thought we'd drop by'

as does fil not dies

Freudian slip?

I don't answer the door.

One of my friends used to do this, if I said I was too busy (doing a degree from home) or was tired from work she'd say 'Oh, just let me in for a coffee'.

Two hours later she'd still be there.

After about the twentieth time of her turning up and me pretending I'm out she calls first!

Yanbu. It happened a few times to us over Christmas, usually when the house was a tip, i was half dressed with no make up on and looked a wreck.

How hard is it just to make a quick phone call first.

What a jackass for just inviting himself in.

I feel for you, I don't like this either.

Good side is that he only does it every so often.
mil and sil would turn up like this several times a week. We asked them to call beforehand so then they took to calling from the driveway .
I went through a phase of just ignoring the phone calls, if I was too busy either working or catching up on sleep (dd 18 mo now and plenty of teething) I just didn't open the door, now they usually call with around an hour's notice. Still not ideal when you have things to do but at least we can tell them if we have people round or are planning to go out (as opposed to have to cancel going out iyswim).

I'm not sure there is anything you can do about your mate though, sometimes you just have to accept it and have a break, enjoy your cuppa!

Depends on guest...if he's happy to wander around just being there, and requires little attention from you, an djust wants to be part of the family (!)set him to work! Tell him to do something useful.
That should scare him off.
The problem with calling first is that it means you have to get there at a specific time which doesn't suit some visitors at all

I do love poppers- in though! What I hate more is people who say they are coming at x time and arrive half to an hour later when you have run round dementedly tidying everything up for them..getting dinner just so, not feeding children because you are just about to eat etc etc. But that's just my personal neurosis

My eldest daughter still reminds me of when me and my 3 little ones hid upstairs and kept quiet when a friend and her little boy called by.She would stay for hours even when I started cooking tea and after I'd put it on table for children.Used to do my head in as her husband would make tea and do loads of housework,so she was never in any hurry.We've moved away now.thankgod!

YANBU, but if he called first would you have had much time to tidy up/ sort out kids etc anyway? The problem with that is that it could stress you out too.

I know where you're coming from though.

When it happens to me (someone calls and I'm not wearing makeup, house a tip etc) I do wish they would have called first, but I try to make the best of it: I just try to relax, put the chaos aside and enjoy the visit :)

You should've got him to do a nappy that'd teach him