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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

ask for donations for wedding presents

26 replies

AuntiePickleBottom · 16/01/2011 21:03

my nephew was born early and was on SBCU (neo-natal) and the amount of work the unit did for him it unbelivable.

he is coming home tomorrow, but i want to make a diffrence and was thinking of a wishing well where people can donate money to prem babies.

of course if the want to buy us a present or not bother all together thats fine

OP posts:
FabbyChic · 16/01/2011 21:04

Its a lovely idea, just give people the choice.

fluffywhitekittens · 16/01/2011 21:06

That sounds like a lovely idea.

MadamDeathstare · 16/01/2011 21:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
AuntiePickleBottom · 16/01/2011 21:16

i don't expect present there company is more than enough.

how can i go about this without offending

OP posts:
2old4thislark · 16/01/2011 21:26

How about

Present list

There isn't one! Your company is all we need!

However if you would like to donate to etc

I think it's a lovely unslef idea btw!

Dragonhead · 16/01/2011 21:27

That's a lovely idea and very touching esp. with what your Nephew has been through.

We did something similar for our wedding -we put a note in the invitations saying something along the lines of we were very lucky and had everything we could ever wish for and that all we wanted was peoples presence at our big day, however if they felt they wanted to mark the occasion to make a small donation to xyz charity instead of gifts. No-one was offended and everyone said how lovely it was ( oh except SIL who was not pleased as they were getting married the next year and she thought it was selfish of me because she wanted presents! -you can;t please everybody!!!)

A1980 · 16/01/2011 21:27

What 2oldforthislark said!

Really nice way to do it!

stewmaker · 16/01/2011 21:30

yanbu

we were selfish and had a wrapit list.......lost the lost......devine retribution?

it's a lovely idea and if i was your guest i would be happy to

2old4thislark · 16/01/2011 21:31

that should read unselfish obviously! Too much red wine Grin

IckleJess · 16/01/2011 21:32

We did the same and asked for donations to two charities which were very close to our hearts having both lost a parent in recent years. People donated very generously, a few (mostly older) close relatives bought us a present anyway and one lovely friend of DH's said he already donated regularly to those charities so gave us quite a large amount of money and insisted we spent it on something nice for our two children Grin

It's a lovely idea and it for us it felt a way for us to include our late parents in our special day.

HermyaLovesLysander · 16/01/2011 21:37

OP thats such a lovely idea, I doubt people would be offended in the slightest.

Put something in along the lines of what dragon said.

curlymama · 16/01/2011 21:49

I don't think anyone would be offended at all. You could just write a little sentence or two explaining politely that you don't want anyone to feel obliged to buy a gift, but that if anyone wants to they could make a donation in your name, and give the reason why you have chosen this charity.

You could also make a donation yourselves in place of favours, and print out little cards to say thankyou to put on the tables. Or you could include the thanks on the place names or something.

Flojo1979 · 16/01/2011 21:56

Awww thats a lovely idea, something along lines of what 2old said.

floweryblue · 16/01/2011 21:59

Don't put anything in the wedding invites but discuss with your families and close friends that this is your preference so that they can spread the word if people ask about what to get you. If anyone asks you what you would like, just explain yourself. Are you planning on an actual 'well', on the day, for people to drop money into anonymously? Coz if the premises/charity can accomodate that securely, that sounds absolutely fab to me.

lottiejenkins · 16/01/2011 22:06

I did this for my 40th birthday. I just put in my invite "no presents please! Donations instead please to Wilf's school or Winstons Wish!

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 16/01/2011 23:37

What a lovely idea, OP. :)

I wouldn't veto gifts as it may be that one of your guests has a burning desire to get you a specific thing... but your guests are probably aware of your son's recovery and I think they would be very happy to make the donation in his name.

Floweryblue's idea of grapevine for spreading the suggestion seems a good one to me.

Congratulations on your wedding and on your son's good health!

PlanetLizard · 17/01/2011 00:34

If people ask what you would like, you can give a gift list which includes "donations to X" or you can just say "we don't have a wedding list but we'd like to raise money for X charity".

lindsell · 17/01/2011 00:43

Well Prince William and Kate are asking for donations instead of presents so you're in good company Wink

We did it and I'm pleased we did, only negative comment was from my father who thought it was odd/we were showing off/unpleasant Hmm but then he is v strange so I took no notice!

ApocalypseCheeseToastie · 17/01/2011 00:53

My sis is doing the same for her 40th, I think it's a lovely idea

Original poster
AuntiePickleBottom · 17/01/2011 01:03

i just feel that my nephew would not be here if it was not for the caring staff, it was midnight and my sister was so upset and pining for her son that they set up a bed next to the incubator.

truley magical people imo

OP posts:
onmyfeet · 17/01/2011 03:59

You can begin by starting a fund raiser for your cause without involving your wedding. Hit up everyone you know for a donation. If they later ask about a wedding gift say you don't want one, just their company, if they insist, suggest a donation to your fund?

TyraG · 17/01/2011 06:50

Whatever you do, DO NOT put anything in the invitations, it's tacky and rude. However, if anyone asks about what you need, you are free to tell them that you'd prefer a donation to a specific charity and they can pass the word along.

PlanetLizard · 17/01/2011 09:18

I wouldn't go with letting people know on the grapevine. There's no guarantee everyone will find out, and some people might find out after the wedding and think "if only I'd known" or "why didn't they tell me?"

TheEvilDead2 · 17/01/2011 09:23

YANBU,
and I think people are allowing their dislike of those little poems asking for cash in invitations to colour their views of you doing so.

You are not asking for money for yourself or a specific amount so I would ask in the invitation, it is normal to bring some sort of giftand they can donate as much or as little as they want.

GwendolineMaryLacey · 17/01/2011 09:24

Tacky schmacky. FGS some people are so precious about this. The vast majority of people going to a wedding will want to get a present of some description. So you can make it easy for them by popping a note in, or you can make it as difficult as possible by giving out the information on a need to know basis and making them beg for it.

I have never been offended by something in an invitation, but I have been frustrated by trying to pin down information about what they want. If you dislike people enough to be offended then you have no right to be going to their wedding.

It's a lovely idea, AuntiePB. Glad your nephew is well. :)