Why does my brother never ask how my kids are?

[kittycat37]

I love my little brother.

When we were younger we were close. Now we're adults he's become very successful in his profession and he works with a lot of v famous people. We are not as close as we were.

That's all by the by but after talking to him on the phone tonight I feel like he's losing touch with real life a bit and it upsets me.

In a 40min conversation just now he did not ask about my DDs once. Not at all. He did talk about a lot of famous people.

When he's with my DDs he's a lovely uncle (though he sees them rarely).

I just feel so hurt. Am I being U to send him an email telling him that I think it's crap not to ask after his neices? And before you all tell me I'm jealous of his success, yes I probably am a bit, but I still think he should show some interest in his family.

Perhaps he is genuinely not interested, or not that bothered, or assumes they are fine?

Some people just aren't interested in other people's kids.

YABVU to send an email about it.

How young is he? Is he caught up in the excitement and glamour of his new world?

He may just need a wake up call to keep his feet on the ground...

Does he have kids? My brothers never ask about DS, but they are lovely uncles when they see him. It's a very grandparenty thing to do, to ask after DCs. I think you should let it go. You seem to be annoyed with him anyway - has he become a bit namedroppy and self obsessed? That's annoying but a separate issue.

I was annoyed with my DB for forgetting to buy DS a christmas present though, but I'd never have told him!

I wouldn't say UABU if you send an email. He may be so absorbed in his job that he probably doesn't think about his nieces much. It will either make him realise he could bother more with them or it could stay the same

Maybe YABU to send that in an email, but YANBU if you actually say it to him verbally and give him a chance to do better.

I suppose some people just get wrapped up in their own lives and he'd probably feel awful if he knew you were upset.

Sorry, I don't get the whole email/text your feelings thing, in my view it then creates issues rather than being a simple conversation where your point is made - hope you resolve it with him as it would be a shame for it to come between you xx

I don't think I ever asked after the children speaking to my siblings pre-DC, they just talked about them.

Doesn't sound like you got a word in edgeways!

Well hairy you may be right, but my image of him is of a lovely person who would be interested, despite tonight's conversation.

I don't think I'll send an email - it probably won't help.

purple - he's early 30s so not really young.

I just miss the lovely warm caring person I used to know. He seems like a bit of a stranger sometimes.

One of the life lessons I have learnt is that no-one is as inteteresed in your children as you are

Sorry - you have very different priorities from one another

If he is a good uncle then don't send that email

If he doesn't have children himself he probably has no idea how hurtful this is. I sympathise as my older brother takes very little interest in my DDs (never remembers birthdays for example), but he is just not that interested in small children and doesn't have any himself.

Maybe if/when your brother has his own family things will change but I would try not to let it get to you - easier said than done I know!

I think sending an email is a bit over the top and over sensitive, you could've brought your kids into the conversation if you wanted?

I assume he doesn't have kids? Just becasue they're the centre of your world doesn't mean they have to be the centre of his and that doesn't necessarily make him a bad person, some people aren't interested in kids

my brother has never shown the slightest interest in my kids ever.

birthdays are only remembered in he is in a relationship with a woman who bothers.

seriously wouldn't email. you will regret it totally.

and lets face it- he has fab uncle potential if he knows lots of famous people. a few years down the line he might be able to make dc delirously happy with meeting that popstar or actress which would make up for an entire childhood of being ignored

YABU. He is your brother he doesn't have children so just didn't think to ask about his niexes. My youngest brother rarely asks about my DD's but if I email him news about them he is always interested. It's just that he doesn't think to ask.

He doesn't have kids and never will. I don't want to say more about that in case he's identifiable.

I've decided I definitely won't send an email.

He would be hurt I think and even though he is sometimes totally self absorbed, as I say he's lovely with the DDs in person (albeit rarely).

The thing that upset me was that I said 'you'll have to come over to our new house and see the girls' and he just said 'well it's finding the time' in a really disinterested way.

And I don't want to admit it but the way he was talking about various celebs was just irritating. I don't find that kind of thing impressive (worked with many celebs myself pre DCs)

Don't send him an email moaning, just send one with some recent pics of the dc's? With a.....thought you might like to see these?

He is excited about fab job, perhaps he expects you to be excited yourself about your fab kids?

Anyhow I now enjoy the revenge of putting ds on phone with my db for stilted, teeth pulling conversations on speaker phone, and then going to put the kettle - just like he used to do with his when they were little.

I have dc so does my brother. I rarely ask about his as it's pretty much all he talks about and I don't want to open the floodgates. It's ok to be asked how they're doing but you really don't want to hear all the tiny details of exams passed and trophies won and trips planned and teachers comments particularly when whatever I say about mine is given minimal attention before being capped with something his kids have done.
Not saying OP does that but it's an easy trap to fall into.

Well maybe he is not that interested as he know syou take care of his nieces and if there was something significant about them to say he knows you would say.

I really think as he bothered to call you you do not have to worry.

sounds like a nice chap.

Don't send him the email next time you chat ask him when he is coming to visit as the girls have been asking about their Uncle?

my brother never ask asked how the kids are but i know he loves them and cares about them

Thanks all.

As usual MN has provided a lot of good sense and I feel better now.

I think I was being a bit over sensitive.

He's not perfect, but he's a good bloke basically even if he's a bit carried away by his work at the moment.

I definitely won't send him an email about it.

I know what you mean about the celebrity thing. Irritating!

typical man?